How do I stop fearing my housemates?

[EricJones]

I may have one of the best housemate groups you could have. They're all kind, honest and respectful....i'm fine talking with them, but its after i'm done talking to them when i geel that it gets weird. i feel weird inside my body and often move around like i'm on another planet (discovering fruit for the first time). I'm just afraid of them and what they think of me or whether they'll see me acting strange and then give me a weird look. Comments appreciated.

[Celtic27]

Hi eric firstly have you been to see your doctor lately have you ever been told you have anxiety or depression if not see your doctor i might be nothing but i would put your mind at rest ! you say you are afraid of your housemate but you have to find the cause thats were your doctor or a counciller would be able to help i wish you all the best

[EricJones in reply to Celtic27]

the cause is from social isolation and this one time a random stranger called me a weirdo to a bunch of strangers..and they all started laughing at me

[hypercat54 in reply to EricJones]

Yes that does hurt doesn't it. I am sorry it happened to you. Having said that though the stranger who said that is a pillock so probably has an awful life himself with no friends. And it was only his opinion and people will laugh at anything usually. Its unkind but some are like that. Their opinion is meaningless as they don't know you or you them so try and think of it that way if you can.

[MetalEnjoyer in reply to EricJones]

Hypercat is right. The best way I think of people who try to make you feel bad are just bullies and they probably have their own problems. Its just how some people cope even though it hurts others. Best way I think of it is that they're just words and that only you as an individual can decide how you feel about yourself. Something I've been doing to deal with my own social anxiety. Try give yourself positive self reinforcement even if you have a hard time with it. Another thing that might help. If your room mates are good friends and people who you trust. Try talking to them about how you feel and get an idea for what they're thinking because I guarantee you thats probably not what they're thinking about you. In my own marriage thats something and my wife actually will never do, which is try and assume each other's thoughts. Infact before I went on a whole bender to improve myself like going to the gym and eating healthy. I actually treated my friend in a conversation like a complete moron and the whole friends group kinda called me out on it. It than made me realize that living in a state of depression and anxiety is not sustainable for me or my two girls, wife and daughter. When im having problems its a good to get that understanding from your friends because it helped me to start really moving on.

[MaggieSylvie in reply to EricJones]

Not a nice experience at all, but it's over now.

It was just a random idiot trying to gain favour with his/her idiot friends. It's good to know what caused your fear of strangers, but is it relevant any more? Have you got a one-liner you could use if it ever happens again? Apart from that, not worth your attention at all.

[EricJones in reply to MaggieSylvie]

i'm just afraid of people now...the closer the scarier because they can really see my quirks and weird body language

[MaggieSylvie in reply to EricJones]

Every day, you are becoming less afraid, and those you allow to get close to you, so that they can really see your quirks and what you call your weird body language, will love you all the more.

[EricJones in reply to MaggieSylvie]

they really wont care how i come across?

[MaggieSylvie in reply to EricJones]

Nah!

[EricJones in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Is that how most people are? They're all just trying to enjoy the time with you?

[MaggieSylvie in reply to EricJones]

Yes, most people are just enjoying their time with you.

[EricJones in reply to MaggieSylvie]

It's just my head...my head jerks a little and my knees flinch when I'm around people

[MaggieSylvie in reply to EricJones]

That's not what we call body language. Body language is also mostly unconscious, but it is like a secret language that, if you can read it, shows what you are feeling. The most obvious ones for instance - folding arms (if not to keep you warm) is meant to build a barrier against people in the same room as you, or turning your back on someone you feel negative towards, or getting close to them if it's the opposite. People will often pick up on others' body language without realising it, and will know, for instance, that someone wants to be left alone.

I'm not sure what you might call your head jerking or knee flinches - they are involuntary and you may or may not be able to control them. These body movements are not means to be in any way aggressive to other people, are they? So they shouldn't be picked up as such. In a similar way, my hands shake in the mornings, making it hard to send texts on my phone, and I think that's to do with certain pills I take, but that's not body language, as it means nothing - it's just a symptom. Your doctor should deal with your jerks because it could be due to medication you're on or due to medication that you need and are not getting.

Stop worrying. Lots of people have this problem and there are plenty of understanding people around, including your family, who will know that your jerks and twitches mean nothing. They are perhaps symptoms of your own discomfort, or maybe not even that.

[EricJones in reply to MaggieSylvie]

It's not a jerk...like that where it's an involuntary movement...it's more of a dismissive body language

[MaggieSylvie in reply to EricJones]

It's the word you used - jerk, but whatever it is, I'm sure it doesn't upset anyone, though people can pretend it's more than it is. You are ok.

[EricJones in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Yeah idk what else to call it...my head moves in a weird way...dismissive like it's hiding or something

[EricJones]

Thanks man I appreciate you trying to show me the reality of the situation.