current struggles

[SleepingTurtles]

I just been trying to get a job recently but most of the time my anxiety gets to me when it comes to answering phone calls. So I guess I am making progress against my anxiety, but I also feel avoidant all of the same time meaning that I sabotaging my chances of getting a job. My guess is the fear of having to interact with people who I don’t know and that somehow I will make them get mad or irritated at me because I couldn’t hear them very well or that messed up in some way. So I think is the reason of my avoidant behavior for not answering phone calls. So because of this avoidant behavior I expect I will be punished eventually if I don’t figure this out soon and if I don’t figure it maybe I will end up homeless. And just be called the forever lazy because despite the potential punishment I will get, nothing moves me or encourages me to change my act.

Then I am struggling with university and have been struggling for almost 10 years now. I just recently realized that possibly my study methods are bad . Failing my university courses makes me feel like shit and makes so depressed and suicidal. I also just wonder what is wrong with me and even engage in harmful behavior like overeating and intentionally eating unhealthy foods and breaking stuff that costed me money and get minor bruises /cuts because of me breaking my own stuff. So I feel defeated and hopeless because of all my struggles with university and job search. I also see that my brother and sister who are younger than will have a degree before me and of course this makes me feel even more terrible. I am like the shame of the family I have thoughts of just avoiding them and never seeing them again because of my own failures.

The upside and concerns that I see is that I am putting effort despite all my emotions and failures to answer phone calls for job opportunities. I do try to study and making progress although my negativity gets to me. I do try to cheer myself up but my moments of sadness really makes me self sabotage and think negatively about myself. So I am trying but it just the negative thoughts hinder my ability to succeed.

About my suicidal thoughts it just makes me wish I was not born or that something bad happened or something killed me immediately. Or that I could just sleep forever. I just dread waking up even my hobbies don’t help as much as they used too. I just feel alone in this struggle. I also don’t see anything great in my future or anything to look forward especially if I don’t get the degree that I really need. So I feel that everything hinges on me getting that degree. As I don’t see anything else as part of the solution.

One thing I hope I can fix soon is the avoidance problem that prevents me from ever even trying to get a job.

[Roukaya]

Sometimes by listening to others we can learn to help ourselves .I am much older than you and trying to requalify as a Lawyer and seek a job.

Avoidant behaviour prevents us from facing our anxieties.

I suffer from negative self talk and I have postponed my property exams and I have until the end of June .

I also wake up with sadness and loneliness and struggle with studying and finding a job.

Many have told me it is my age at 54 which is a deterrent but only you can change the course of your life and to believe there is a purpose and a life plan for you .

I even talk myself every day , why try but I have been shortlisted for an interview so it is important to try at your pace .

You can always resit parts of your degree and there is always a way forward but this begins with you.

[PoseyLane]

I am not saying give up in school or a job. At one point, I was so depressed and didn't know it. I was failing out of college because I was depressed. I had to start taking my depression seriously. I wasn't high functioning at all. I left college and found a very easy job at a front desk answering phones and simple paperwork. After a few years I went back to school and earned my four year degree. It sounds like you're from another country and culture with different rules on education. Do your parents believe in anxiety or someone close to you that you can talk to? I wish I had parents that were there say it seems like you are not doing well and had encouraged me not enroll in the second semester that I failed out of, had me come home etc...now ai I am 52. You are not a failure. Would you say that to someone with a physical ailment? No. Mental health is the same as any other illness. If you can get therapy and support, I bet you'll feel better - again, it sounds like you are from another culture and it may be hard to get in with someone.

[mizzou7016]

Ok there are a lot of things that need to be addressed....I'll try not to be too long winded but you've covered a lot of ground..1st and foremost I love your handle.....as my nickname has been turtle for a long time...I also need to remind you that a sleeping turtle....is not a dead turtle......I appreciate you.

Issue #1. I can't relate to not having a job per se....as I've had the same job for 26 years......what I do relate to very well is the questioning of my abilities to do the job..Am I doing enough.....am I addressing people the right way....am I doing enough to protect the people I work with....you will always have a little bit of self doubt....but you can do it...

I guess the biggest things that stick out to me are 1) You've identified all of your roadblocks to being successful....that is impressive...I struggle with this all the time.....

2) you have taken steps to fix the issues at hand and are working very hard to make them happen.....that's another great accomplishment....

3) you know that it is a continuous struggle and want to continue to get better....

as for the food issue....I can relate to that all too well.....always eating my feelings....weighed 312 pounds before my weight loss surgery...that struggle is very real.

What I want to encourage you to keep doing is working as hard as you can every day to get things accomplished.....as long as you are putting forth a good faith effort in what you try to get accomplished....you won't fail...and sometimes that means something as simple as taking a shower....eating a healthy meal.....those are all success stories in my book.....also recomend a gratitude journal....sorry for the ramble....

I will close by saying YOU'VE GOT THIS!!!!!!!!!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!!!!