Struggling struggling struggling

[Strongest123]

Hello everyone on here. Hope everyone’s had a great Friday. I myself am struggling so much lately. Nothings changed in my life at all. Everything’s status quo, but I feel so unmotivated, and overwhelmed. I’m a retired father to a beautiful girl just 10 years old. I retired almost 3 years now due to my mental illness, but lately I’m at my wits end so to speak. I can’t seem to enjoy myself at all lately. I feel unmotivated to even do what I enjoy most. It’s utterly hard sometimes to get up in the morning. I do see my therapist once a week and an APN once a month for my meds. I think I’m doing everything I can to feel better, but lately it’s been freakin hard 🥲. SAMSON

[Beevee]

Hi. My advice is simple. Stop struggling with how you are thinking and feeling and learn to be ok about not feeling ok. It's the struggle that keep sufferers trapped in the anxiety cycle because it just adds more stress and keeping the whole anxiety show on the road. Easier said than done but not impossible.

[Strongest123 in reply to Beevee]

Thank you for your support.

[mydog56 in reply to Strongest123]

my advice is. it is okay i am here for you, please take it slow , 1. breath in and out for 46 minutes, 2. write what has been bathering lately and why , pm me if needed help more mostly i am up all night so, 3. write what is in your mind, your feelings and what happened, you know it is okay to feel these things but the tips i shared with you , if you do it now you will feel better, anytime you feel that feeling , you just keep doing those tips

[mydog56 in reply to Beevee]

that is not good advice she needs to learn it is okay and she needs to write her thoughts and feelings down

[Beevee in reply to mydog56]

Hi my dog. Are you responding to the right thread?

[mydog56 in reply to Beevee]

yeah

[Beevee in reply to mydog56]

I haven't mentioned anything about writing things down, neither did Strongest123 so don't understand your comment.

I do, however, stand by the advice I gave because it works. If you suffer from debilitating anxiety & depression, look up Dr Claire Weekes and Paul David and practice their teachings. Their books are the reason I was able to overcome anxiety.

To be free from anxiety you have to feel it all willingly and learn to let go by allowing all thoughts and feelings to be there and not engaging with them. Being ok about not feeling ok.

[mydog56 in reply to Beevee]

i feel like you misunderstood, i do got it right,

[Strongest123 in reply to Beevee]

Thank you so much. I’ve heard a lot about Claire weekes books. I’m going to look into ordering one. Is their any book from Dr Weekes you recommend?

[mydog56 in reply to Strongest123]

don't order those books, it will not work , keep writing

[Beevee in reply to Strongest123]

Titles may vary depending where you are in the world but I bought Essential Help for your Nerves. I also bought At Last a Life by Paul David and visited his website (anxietynomore.co.uk) alot during the days when I was still grappling with the concept of acceptance and understanding what it meant.

Chronic anxiety is caused by nervous fatigue, exacerbated by adding more stress and fear to the stress that brought on nervous fatigue. Many sufferers dont have any particular fear holding them back, just fear of the feelings of fear which are a symptom of nervous fatigue.

It can take time to develop an attitude of acceptance (this creates the space for nerves to desensitise and recover after the constant battering from worry, stress and fear) but with practice of letting all those negative thoughts and feelings be there without doing anything to change it, you get there.

[Blankpayge in reply to Beevee]

Amazing insight. Which one of those resources taught you that?

[Beevee in reply to Blankpayge]

Dr Claire Weekes. Paul David filled on the gaps in my understanding.

[jhoop2go in reply to Beevee]

One step I have taken that helps me is writing. I write to people, feelings, situations and anything that causes me and it seems to take the edge off. Sometimes I would get anxious about forgetting what I was anxious about. Writing down helps me let that go. We all have a first step and hope you find yours.

[mydog56 in reply to jhoop2go]

thanks for believing me, keep writing and when your anxious , you can look at the paper and see how that feels

[Beevee in reply to jhoop2go]

I had thousands of anxious thoughts about anything and everything. I was feeling fearful all day, every day for along time and would still be writing them down to this day, trying to figure them all out, had I started a journal.

I learned that all those thoughts were created by anxiety. Problems or fears that simply did not exist in reality, all manufactured by my anxious state. I just consigned them all into my "junk anxiety folder" and stopped giving them the respect and attention they needed to survive. They all disappeared. If the mind was chattering away, I just let it carry on but didn't engage with it. I observed instead and just let them come and go. The mind will then quieten itself.

The mind is like one of those snow globes. If you keep shaking it, the snow never settles. When you stop shaking it (no longer entertaining/believing those anxious thoughts) everything settles down. Its basic physics and applies to the mind too!

[Strongest123 in reply to Beevee]

Thank you for your help and response. To be honest, from an outside perspective, as a person looking at my life, I’m very very blessed. Even though I had to retire due to my illness, I’m able to spend a lot of time with my little girl. I think what drowns me in negativity are all of my Horrendous negative thoughts.

[Beevee in reply to Strongest123]

I was in exactly the same boat as you. I still dont really know or care what triggered the onset of my anxiety. What I do know is that anxiety and the hat full of symptoms became the problem. The anxious mind is adept at making mountains out of molehills and gave those negative thoughts too much respect. I was fighting to control something that cannot be controlled and over time, learned to just let it all go.

[Strongest123 in reply to Beevee]

It’s true. The mind when is being taken over by anxiety can just drain you with negativity. I notice that when my anxieties elevated my depression starts creeping up

[Beevee in reply to Strongest123]

Depression (Depletion is a more accurate description) is just another symptom of anxiety. In mechanical terms, a battery depleted by the constant battle which is exhausting and needs time to recharge itself. Acceptance creates that space to allow recovery because you give up that battle.

[Strongest123 in reply to Beevee]

Totally agree. Do you suffer from depression aside from anxiety?

[Beevee in reply to Strongest123]

No. Certainly had bouts of it when anxiety was at its height and despair had set in but it all gradually faded away, much of it without me really noticing that it had gone.

[Strongest123 in reply to Beevee]

That’s such a blessing. My thing is I spend a lot of time thinking. And that’s not too good

[Beevee in reply to Strongest123]

Dont think there is any problem with thinking. I imagine that there are many deep thinkers out there who dont have anxiety. It is important to note that thinking does not necessarily cause anxiety, unless if it is constant worry, stress or dwelling on a problem which might only be a problem because you have anxiety. Anxiety magnifies normal thoughts and feelings and exaggerates the response (first flash of fear) to them with which you have no control. Sensitivity is extremely high (caused by nervous fatigue) and the reason why all this is happening. It is completely normal and harmless under the circumstances and caused by nervous fatigue which I mentioned earlier.

However, you do have control over how you respond to that first flash of fear. You can either worry and add more stress (I called them the what ifs?) or you could develop a relaxed attitude towards the symptoms and let it all go (accept your lot). The second option is the way to recover. Turning all those what ifs into so what!?

[Strongest123 in reply to Beevee]

Yes absolutely. I do suffer a lot from the WHATIFS. And of course, when I get bombarded with too many of those it throws into my depression. I do notice that when I’m occupied, keeping myself busy, the whatifs aren’t as prevalent.

[Strongest123 in reply to Strongest123]

I’m also an avid weightlifter, and I find that when I train I feel so much better

[Beevee in reply to Strongest123]

Stands to reason. Anxiety is just excessive adrenalin. I used to swim silly distances because I felt relaxed afterwards. Relaxed mind= relaxed body and vice versa. So long as you recognise that exercise helps but doesn't cure then all is well. You have probably worked that out for yourself as the same feelings will rock up sooner or later, just like Groundhog Day. I say this because the use of techniques to stop yourself feeling anxious is just another way to avoid anxiety. Avoidance feeds anxiety and the key to recovery is to fee it all willingly and not get involved with it.

[Strongest123 in reply to Beevee]

Crazy question, but do you drink coffee? I know I shouldn’t at all. But sometimes it’s hard to quit

[mydog56 in reply to Strongest123]

i drink coffee, it is not hard to quit , you can drink organic dark coffee if you do not have anxiety otherwise if you have anxiety every daily in the morning and stuff i would say try the organic decaf coffee , i got anxiety when drinking the dark coffee always in the morning, so i drink decaf coffee , in the mornings and never get anxiety,

[Beevee in reply to Strongest123]

More than ever but prefer latte. Nothing is off limits, especially if anxiety was trying to dictate things.

[mydog56 in reply to Beevee]

i am pretty sure they like my info thanks lots

[Blankpayge in reply to Beevee]

And how did you learn to do that? Sounds divine

[Beevee in reply to Blankpayge]

Recover from anxiety? Dr Claire Weekes and Paul David ( anxietynomore.co.uk)

[Good_for_us]

Hi! That is wonderful you have a lovely 10 year daughter! Sorry you have been feeling so down- it sounds like you are struggling with classic depression symptoms. I know you said you are taking meds, but sometimes (usually) they don’t take care of all of your depression. Do you exercise at all? Exercise has been shown to lift mood, sometimes dramatically. It doesn’t have to be a major workout- just even taking a brisk walk every day can make you feel so much better, plus it will be an accomplishment and you will feel like you are making progress in your life. Also, and this might sound silly, but try singing around the house ☺️ - it’s really good for you mentally, and will boost your brain with feel-good energy. Stay strong!

[Strongest123 in reply to Good_for_us]

Good morning. Thank you for your support. I do exercise a few times a week. I’m an avid weightlifter. I also try and watch positive uplifting movies.

[Tara52]

How long have you suffered with depression? Do you know what precipitated it? I was always told I was bad as a child. Today I have to resist the inner critic and talk kindly to myself. I hope you will be feeling better soon.🤗 You are a good person, don't give up hope! Your daughter needs you!💕

[Strongest123 in reply to Tara52]

Thank you so much for your support

[BethanyF]

Just want to say that I’m sure to your daughter, you are great.

I suffer myself with anxiety and depression and my dad has had his own struggles. Growing up, I remember him having problems with drinking and drugs, but he always made me feel loved and I am so unbelievably proud and grateful to have him. I’m sure your daughter feels the same and as she gets older will love you more and more.

Just want to say that you being around for your daughter is the most incredible thing and you should feel so proud of yourself everyday. Just remember to be proud of yourself for all the small things. Give yourself more credit and praise. Try not to focus on the things your not doing and focus on the things you are.

[Agora1]

Forgive me Strongest123 in not answering sooner. I seem to be in a Fibro flareupand typing right now is extremely painful. But I did want to respond to your post.

I feel your suffering and how desperate you feel.

Sometimes another pair of eyes are needed in seeing what you don't

What stood out for me was "Nothing has changed in my life at all" and yet you continue

to feel unmotivated and overwhelmed.

That's the issue right there in that nothing has changed. We can't expect a different outcome if we do the same thing over and over.

Many of us, including myself at one time, made that mistake. Once we settle into that

pattern of defeat, we tend to stay there.

Changing our way of thinking is a start but unless we move forward, we stay stuck in this

cycle of defeat. When you wake up in the morning, you probably have a daily routine to get

you started but then everything falls apart as the rest of the day and evening go nowhere.

Nothing to look forward to. What happened to the passion you must have had at one time.?

Whatever happened 3 years ago is still weighing heavily on your mind. Maybe it hasn't been

fully addressed or maybe you haven't learned to accept it yet. Either way, you can't pretend

it never happened and yet try to go forward.

I'm not a professional Strongest and I don't claim to be. But I went through years of therapy

and my own life experiences and wanted to share them with others. Dr. Claire Weekes' book on "Hope & Help for Your Nerves" was my so called bible. To this day, I believe wholeheartedly that her acceptance theory helped me go forward and succeed.

Her videos are also on YouTube which may be helpful.

You are a young father to a 10 y.o. daughter that you adore and I'm sure you are the best

father ever. But now is the time to take care of yourself.. the teen years are just ahead and you'll want to be mentally fit for that. So much for you to look forward to. It needs to start

with a small step that will continue to grow as you start feeling better. My best always to you. xx

[Good_for_us in reply to Agora1]

This is so helpful, Agora1! I’m going to borrow this advice for myself! I really love your perspective on many of these posts. Take care, and hoping your Fibro has gotten much better! 💗

[Agora1 in reply to Good_for_us]

I'm doing great once again. Flare ups come and go but I always focus "forward"I'm happy if my own experience can help motivate others to never give up.

Hopefully, somewhere on that path we see the light and find the rainbow waiting for us. xx

[Good_for_us in reply to Agora1]

Yes, so true! Btw, I have fibro too- it was diagnosed years ago and I went to a rheumatologist and he put me on a baby dose of doxepin. He said my sleep cycle was causing it. Three days later, almost all my pain was gone. I may have just been very lucky. I do have muscle pain sometimes but it’s never like when it literally hurt to walk. Xx

[Hidden]

I relate to this a lot. But it's okay to not feel okay all the time. I once read that happiness is more of an emotion rather than an extended state of being and that it's normal to not feel great all the time. Very proud of you and hoping that things look up for you soon. If you ever need anyone we are always here! - Emily

[Strongest123 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Emily. And bless you for your support

[Strongest123 in reply to Strongest123]

Am focusing on a me day today. Trying to pamper myself so to speak.

[Hidden in reply to Strongest123]

That is awesome! Very proud of you! ❤

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I hope your daughter is doing well too! Sending up love/light for you. You guys deserve the best and you're trying your best. Sometimes that's all we can do! 💘

[Agora1]

Dear Strongest123, your post from 2 years ago showed up today. It made me wonder

how you are doing at this moment in time? Have things gotten any easier for you?

You know that we are always here for each other during good times and bad.

Let us know how you are. We do care xx