I'm scared to express my true feelings when I'm upset to the one person who is supposed to listen and comfort me, and apologize if they've done something to hurt my feelings. How can I do that without getting them angry? For example, let's say they didn't take the trash out like I asked, they just let it sit there. They don't help me with tasks around the house. I say something and whatever I say goes right over their head. If I say something to them, they get angry. If I don't say anything, I'm just building up all this crap inside. And that's what my anxiety and depression feeds off of. What should I do?
Written by
SpaceWolf
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Thanks for your question. I am struggling myself to find an answer although often the roles are reversed, that is my wife trying to get me to do tasks that I know that I should do but still haven't don't. Communication is hard, but I think the key is to try to work to improve it. Why don't you ask your partner the best way to remind them of doing tasks? In a no judgemental way and during a conversation when you are both calm make it clear that doing the tasks is important and that is truly bothers you when they are not done. Then ask them how they would like to be reminded, and what should happen if they don't do the tasks.
Well in my humble opinion, you need to first recognize that your partner is manipulating you and in affect abusing you, since he knows full well that you suffer from these ailments. What to do when you recognize this? Obviously that’s the difficult answer. In my experience, there are many people who use these tactics to hurt others. I think you have two choices here,
One is to discuss with him from a standpoint of your health ,your well-being. If he doesn’t care, well that tells you a lot.
Second Is to accept the behavior and non-completion of his tasks by you and to do them yourself and maybe most importantly, not to be affected by having to do those tasks, otherwise you will remain in constant pain and agony over of the lack of help.
Lastly, if all else fails, you might have to consider getting away from that type of behavior if it doesn’t go towards keeping you healthier and happier. It’s hard enough to survive with what ails us , when we are settled with mental health challenges. Obviously not something that you want to go to without trying everything you can but….
Hi there, I understand exactly where you are coming from. I am going through the exact thing with my husband. I actully did all the things mentioned by Craigliving4Jane for years. My husband does not care one bit that I am sick. He has not changed and he goes to therapy. He also likes to start fights. Not sure why he goes to therapy. I can't leave and get divorced. We've been together for 13 years and he knows I am sick. My family is the same way...very long and horrible story. So I know it is so hurtful not to be seen and not taken seriously. It does make depression worse. You can try what was mentioned below. I am not sure how old you are or what position you are in. If all else fails - if you can distance yourself from that negativity that would be good. Is there anyone you can talk to that is supportive? Also, if you can afford it (I know money is tough for many of us), try therapy. Unfortunately I have noticed through my own family and my husband, people don't change and it really sucks. I am sorry. I sound calm cool and collected here, but I am no longer calm, cool and collected around people, including my husband who treat me this way.
Don't let the fact that hubby isn't taking the garbage out drive you crazy. For one thing, it's possible that you're unwittingly neglecting things he considers important but he doesn't want to bother you with it.
Men and women have to give up the 50-50 idea of marriage and embrace 100-100. 50-50 is a marriage killer because it has both men and women folding their arms and stamping their feet whenever it slips to 49-51 in one direction or the other, which changes us from life-long friends to petty, difficult-to-love bean counters. When you see it as your duty to cheerfully do 100 regardless of what wife or hubby contributes, it may inspire him or her to emulate you.
Think not on what you are "owed" but on what you can give. If nothing else, it frees you from the burden of all that bean-counting.
hello. I actually do not know. I relate to what you said. I think it’s very common. Since you are okay with input I am going to tell you. Okay, I think making a gratitude list may help you first because that helped me. Then, find out your values on a list of values from the internet or a book or something. Then, just go with it. Like, do what is important to you boldly and bravely. Take notes and reassess at a later time. Then, you may realize it happened again exactly the same. But don’t despair. You are really wonderful and caring plus + and it will be okay. Baby steps. I am supposed to be meditating I just remembered! Thank you! That’s what I’d tell myself in a nutshell. Also, we are all special and I am really bad at this.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
xx
Scared 
Scared
Scared
Scared!
Scared 
