I'm tired of saying I'm sorry for everything, many times I don't know if I made a mistake or not but I apologize anyway Because I don't like anyone to be angry.
And currently I am in chaos💔. I am very upset and depressed and no one understands this and there are those who blame me because I want to withdraw myself until this painful feeling ends.
I don't understand why someone gets angry with me because I'm depressed, I'm trying so hard not to be
And I fail and it hurts and no one supports, they just blame and get angry.
Which makes me more depressed. Because I'm tired of saying I'm sorry for something I didn't do
💔
Written by
Saraivhdheed
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You have nothing to be sorry for, my dear, you must not take the blame for that which you did not do, though those who are to blame will readily let you burden yourself with their guilt.
If you apologise others may genuinely believe you are to blame, which is not the case. You are who you are and others must accept and respect you for that. So stand up for who you truly are, explain without the need to say sorry.
If others sometimes get angry that is not your responsibility. Demand the consideration you deserve, you will feel all the better for it.
This could be the way anxiety disorder exaggerates small negative perceptions we may have about ourselves by a factor of 10 or more.
So you may feel that ever so slightly you may have been at fault for some minor matter - and this gets magnified out of all proportion causing this overwhelming feeling of guilt.
When you feel this guilt constantly remind yourself that your conscience is clear and there is no good reason for it.
I was going to say this as well. Anxiety makes me feel so guilty and like things aren’t settled or right. I misinterpret how situations happen and blame myself. So then I apologize because I desperately want to feel better. I apologize non stop for things that are just normal things.
You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. My advice is to stop apologising unless you are certain you are at fault. I have also found that apologising unnecessarily is very annoying for others too so maybe that is one reason they are angry?
You do what suits you best and tell everyone else to stuff it!
I can understand how you feel. Never in the right place, always feeling like you are demanding to people and feeling like you annoy them.
My therapist explained me that it may be the result of not being listened to while I was a kid, having to request the permission to talk or give an opinion.
This may - or may not - be the case for you. We do not care actually, what is important is to note what you feel like now.
You may try, I do this and it helps me a bit, to take a list of what is done to you and what you do to others. On one list, each time you havs said "sorry" or be excuse yourself tick it. And each time you've done something for someone else, tick also if they were sorry or said a real thank you.
The underlying idea is not to make you become a monster with no gratitude at all, just to try to find a balanced situation, where you'll be less vulnerable to blaming.
Depression is a deep hidden state. Some accept it as a sickness, some see it as a mark of weakness. And the world we live in asks us to be strong and fighting, the exact opposite to depression.
You are not alone, we all are here and ready to help and support you
The thing you need to concern yourself with is putting YOURSELF at the top of YOUR priority list. Ask yourself this question every day....did I do the best that I could with the task at hand for that time....if the answer is yes.......there is always tomorrow....I too struggle with people pleasing....want so bad for people to be proud of me....but yet at the same time always struggling because I feel ordinary....if you are trying your best each day....what other people think is irrelevant....say to yourself tomorrow is another day....and all we can do is strive to be the best we can be that day......to remind you....yesterday is history.......tomorrow is a mystery....live for today....as it the present....
Hello, I do the same thing. I often have people tell me to stop apologizing but with this anxiety disorder I feel like it’s ingrained in my brain to apologize when I’ve done nothing wrong. With depression and anxiety disorder I find that people just don’t understand that we can’t turn it off an on, and that we feel guilt often… and apologize a lot sometimes just because we feel like a burden (at least I do)and that’s very frustrating. Over this last month I had a really bad break up and I had a total mental health breakdown… the people closest to me didn’t understand my reaction and why I’m still so down and sad. I apologized for it and explained that although it may seem like rain drops to them for me it’s a Tsunami. It’s hard having this disorder and not being understood, I often feel guilty or like people think I’m just trying to be a victim when it’s truly just who I am and have been since being diagnosed 20 years ago.
If you keep apologizing for everything and anything, people will distance them self from you! No one ever want too here a repeated apology! You have to stop this! This compulsive behavior might make you feel better for the moment; however, please consider how people feel have to reassure you or listen too this repeatedly. I have depression and anxiety. I do understand how you feel! BUT please give people the same consideration and think how they may feel! Each time you feel the need for positive feedback, say to yourself one word “STOP”! Seek professional help.
You like approval and being liked by others! We all do, but constantly ask for reassurance can backfire, and it seems selfish. We all want to be liked and loved! All of us! Start working on liking yours! Stop yourself from repeatedly asking for it! That is not how it works.
No, not at all! The self pity seems to be not working, we all know that. filling sorry for yourself is self distraction! A Professional mental health caregiver will see right true this. Same words over and over again will not change anything! Actions will give it at least a chance; however, some individuals rated say things than doing things! Change is hard!
I find it very interesting that you mentioned anxious people feeling guilt all the time. Do you know why that is? I constantly feel guilty and worry like crazy if someone will be mad or upset with me.
I know and work closely with alot of anxious people and it just seems like a common thing in my circle….it may not be everyone’s experience however. For me I find that people happily accept my yes’s and silence but don’t take to kindly to my no’s and saying how I feel. It’s weird and frustrating at the same time…. so naturally when I do express myself I’m feeling guilty and worrying…beating myself up for even saying anything. I actually said this same thing to my ex, he said no that’s not true your feelings matter…. however down the line he severed the relationship because he didn’t want to hear or except my feelings; so the guilt and worry I felt that time was valid. I guess I made him mad or uncomfortable which is something I never intended. I guess I have a fear of people walking away from me also, so that’s the other side of my guilt and worry.
I’ve learned that I can’t express my thoughts and feelings about situations, even to very close friends. People say they want to know how you feel but when it comes down to it, I’ve lost close friendships. I’m perceived as being too intense and too sensitive.
Possible low self esteem! As a child you might experienced harsh and unfair treatment witch might have made you feel insecure and worthless. This is in the past, and you know now your own worth! It might have been your perception at the time; however, perception is just that! You know your worth!!!
If you are accused of something you didn't do, you must not say you're sorry! PLEASE DO NOT SAY SORRY!
If people are angry with you for being depressed tell them that if they can't say anything useful, to leave you alone. If they won't leave you alone, leave them. Do you not have a room or anywhere you can go where you can sort your head out? You DO NOT DESERVE to be treated in this way by people that are so insensitive.
Are you old enough to leave home (if that is where you are)? You were not born with low self-esteem. When did that happen? You have to get it back. If you need help with this, ask your doctor for therapy or at least counselling. But please, get rid of this habit of apologising - many of us apologise just for taking up space; can you believe that? It IS a habit and you must replace it with something else. In the process of sorting your head out, find some words to replace Sorry with. "How dare you speak to me like that" may be a bit strong, but I hope you get the idea. Take care.
"How very rude!" "Who do you think you're talking to?" "Excuse me?" Actually, the last of these is probably the easiest for you - or just say what you're thinking, like "Why are you speaking like this to me?" They are less of the "English idiom" and much less aggressive. I think that is what you are looking for. You are a gentle soul, I think.
My psychiatrist told me depresion is an illness. It can be terminal. If you had cancer would you feel the need to apologise. I ofter remark that after someone commits suicide everyone is shocked. Well, if they had shown empathy for the depressed person instead of disgust it may not have happened. You are an important part of this world. You are loved. You are needed.
Perhaps you are trying too hard? Too easy to get something from? Try saying "no" sometimes or having somewhere to go. We don't always know how we seem to other people; someone once said that I was "aloof" - "stand offish", when actually I was shy, so it's worth trying to find out what it is that people don't stay for, and are they really the people you would want to stay for long. I do believe we are all loveable by someone and it takes a long time to become loveable by many unless you are "just born that way", which you and I are not, but "you can get it if you really try" but not to try too hard! It's a tough balance.😊
I'm really not interested in being loved by many. Just one or two people will be enough for me for the time being.I don't understand how saying no would be helpful?
But faking happiness is a good idea that I will work with for the time being.
Everything is for the time being but just one or two people loving you sounds wonderful if they really love you. By faking happiness, I really mean smile and do other things that happy people do, like humming, doodling, phoning a friend. It can become real after a while, especially if people are then drawn to you. Saying no is just a shorthand way of saying to not always being available. It makes your time - and then you - more valuable to others.
You’re not alone. My head is usually thinking about 20 things at once so I miss when people talk to me. They get irritated and I am constantly saying I’m sorry. Like you said if I did something wrong or not. I completely understand your hurt. They don’t understand but it’s no excuse to be a pain about it either.
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xx
Sorry I wasn't more specific...
Hello
I am very afraid of depression
Am I irritable or not tolerating b.s. well?
