Bad Day

[PurpleQ]

I had a really bad. I have thought about dying before or ending my life. I never do because I can't leave my children. Even thou they are grown I have been there one and only support system. No one really knows how much I don't want to be here. Not my therapists, psychiatrist, my children. Or even so called friends. I have never admitted to thinking about taking my life but today I couldn't stop crying all day.. I thought about taking pills tonight. Then my Godson mom ask me to watch him. So I didn't do it. I am still sad no even sure why. He doesn't realize he saved my life. What really scares what if their is no one to stop me the next time. I had never truly decided what to do ever before. I just wonder if I would even been missed.

[litethatnevergoesout]

you’ve got to tell your psychiatrist and therapists. If not tonight. Tomorrow. I’m sorry you’re living like this but it’s time to clue a few people in this is definitely when you call 988 and be totally honest.

We all support you, you can do it.

[buffalonickel]

I'm new to this site myself and just wanted you to know that someone heard you.

I've had times when my outlook was bleak and I felt I didn't want to be alive anymore but have held on for similar reasons. I wouldn't have the courage to end my life anyway but have had strong thoughts about not preventing death should it happen my way. That is, until I had a heart attack and realized I would be losing my grandson and he would be losing me.

It was hard for me to see the things I have to be grateful for until I almost lost them all. Ironic thing is, I replied to someone earlier on this site who is having a different problem and I don't know if what I said was helpful or not but it actually made me feel better for having participated.

Someone heard you. You are not alone.

[NrvsBrkdn79]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I am new to this forum, but I am happy to see that people use it to reach out when they feel like you do. It sounds like you had a stressful day. It also sounds like you are depressed and a little lonely. There are so many here that feel the same way you do. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step. Talking to someone about it before your thoughts turn to actions is the next step. I have been locked in depression and anxiety with suicidal thoughts on and off for a long time. At the moment, I feel well enough to be here for you while you're struggling. These feelings will pass, even if it feels like they never will. You wondered if any of your family or friends would even miss you. This is a common feeling, but I bet in your case, your Godson and your Godson's mom would have missed you immediately.

Forgive me, but I noticed you are roughly my age. I read an article on the U-shaped curve of happiness. While there may be a lot of things making you sad, overwhelmed, etc., there is a theory that life happiness bottoms out between ages 40-60. That may be scary in your mid to late 40's, but just think that things are likely to get better in the future. If we do something to end our lives when things are bad, we definitely will never see them get better.

I hope this helps a bit. Please talk to someone nearby or see a doctor as soon as possible if your thoughts start to move to action again. I really think this forum is a good start. And your post tonight definitely helped someone else! Take care

[mcarrut1]

we all feel that way at one time or another. I’m so sorry that you feel that way a lot. Do you think you could talk to your therapist. It’s really important

[Midori]

I think it's time to come clean to your family, friends and Psych. Have you ever heard the saying 'A trouble shared is a trouble halved?' It really can help.

Your family would be devastated if they didn't know you are struggling. Tell them, please. All of us have been where you are, some of us still struggle, but there is no shame in admitting you need help.

Cheers, Midori