I’m in a bad way

[weegmack]

I posted a week or so back that I was really ill with a virus. So I’m still really ill. Ended up at the GP as an emergency last Friday morning as I was in an acute anxiety attack, as well as still have diarrhoea and feeling so sick. My husband and youngest daughter came and I can’t tell you how appallingly awful my husband was. I was shaking, crying and in a real state. My husband has a head cold and I was beside myself that he would get as ill as me. He had a go at me in the waiting room and my youngest (17) told him to stop being to arrogant and support me. He then refused to come into the consulting room. I was so humiliated and I just cried and cried. The GP was very kind and could see I was acutely anxious. She decided I had developed gastritis and gave me a tablet and a liquid to help with that (Pantoprazole and Peptac). She also gave me a stronger diazepam and something for nausea.

I perked up for a few days, but on Christmas Eve I became really ill again with diarrhoea, same on Christmas morning. The family all still came for Christmas dinner and I did a little, but everyone else did most of the work. Then I slept for a about two hours. After that, terrible stomach pain, more trips to the loo and the same during the night. I took some Imodium and refused to get out of bed on Boxing Day, I felt too awful and so depressed. I missed yet another family day and my youngest stayed home with me, bless her.

My husband decided I should get to the GP again this moring. I was suicidal last night. I told my husband that I didn’t want to wake up in the morning and wished I would die in my sleep. I’ve had IBS all my life and I just can’t take anymore. He told me he couldn’t live without me and would do everything he could at the GP. Yet, he sat and said nothing at the appointment. Nothing. He’s a pharma manager and it was his idea that I should take Imodium. I remember asking him if Imodium was a good idea because maybe I should be letting nature get rid of my virus (this was before I went to the GP the first time). He gave me a lecture about the fact that he knows all about viruses and that my bowel was over working and I needed to take it. GP said today that taking Imodium hadn’t helped at all. My stool sample was clear of bacteria or c-diff, so she felt I had had a viral infection (which doesn’t require antibiotics) and that I had to try and drink more and not take any Imodium or any of my antacids, because this was slowing the process of getting rid of it. She also took bloods to check my kidney function because I can barely drink.

Of course, my husband has said nothing about him being wrong about the Imodium. He’s been snapping at the girls all day and “needed out the house”. I asked him to dry and fold some towels and he’s dumped them in a heap.

He is the most arrogant, mean man I have ever met and I just feel so depressed. If I didn’t have my children, I would end my life today. He doesn’t understand that I’m worried this might be a life changing virus and my bowel will take months to settle. I’m exhausted, I’m done and I have never been this ill in my life. I suffer with chronic daily headache, chronic pain in my back and hips and IBS. But those are a walk in the park compared to this.

My girls are 17 and 20 and they are strong young women. One is training to be a teacher and living with her absolutely lovely boyfriend in the city. She is home just now and my husband is just being horrible to her (not new). My other daughter is applying for a nursing degree (has an unconditional place with one uni so far!). They are caring, strong, wonderful young women and I adore them. But they’re worried about me and my husband can give them no comfort.

I hate him. I really, really hate him. I will never, ever look back on difficult periods of my life - with mental health - and be able to say he was there for me and patient. He was and is always impatient and horrible. Both my girls have told me recently that they can’t stand him either.

Such a mess. Such a mess 😞

[Aliinception16]

I have read it all. Yes there are times when we want to give up . I have been in this condition and till now dealing with it . I have a perspective in my mind . When I think negative and consider my problem so serious I encounter it by thinking “ well I have a problem let’s give it time to do what it can with me” ultimately I know nothing gonna happen it’s for a time . Never give up

[Agora1]

Dearest weegmack, some people do not have good bedside manner. It sounds like your husband is one of them. I can imagine how sick you are right now. Looking for support

and understanding is normal but unfortunately you aren't going to find it in him.

You know that gastritis is perpetuated by severe stress. Right now weegmack, it's got

to be about taking care of you. Sometimes, it's better to be alone than have someone

around you that doesn't understand or have the ability to comfort.

Look more on the bright side in that you are blessed to have 2 smart, caring young

daughters who can give you the support and help you need right now.

Try calming down in order to allow the medication to work as well as to calm

the spastic colon. The word "hate" is a big emotional trigger which you don't

need right now. Wishing you well soon. xx

[Hidden]

You are going to feel out of sorts even when you get well of the virus. You will need to build up your strength it may take some time. So be patient, you will get well and be able to carry on . Normally Antibiotics are not given for a virus, they are given for an infection. They do not work

Hopefully you will soon feel better and everything will become more positive. I know from experience men, I am one, can be overwhelmed when they are not feeling well, we make really bad patients. The problem is we can be indifferent when our better half is having problems. I could be really bad although now I do my best to understand and help when my wife is ill. Personally your Man needs some shaking up and help you when feeling not so well.

BOB

[weegmack in reply to Hidden]

I’m actually really relieved that I don’t need antibiotics- each and every one of them really gives me a terribly upset stomach. I was so relieved that my poop sample showed no bacteria.

My husband does need a shake. I’m so sick of him. His career takes him away a lot and I have stayed at home with the girls all this time. My eldest is home from uni for the holidays and she’s leaving early. Going away to stay with her boyfriend and his parents. Only 15 minutes away, but it’s because of him.

I’m terrified my guts don’t settle and I can never eat again, like this is going to be some horrible life-changing thing. I’ve already had to cut out so much from my diet. My IBS was so terrible about 6 years ago, I lost 2 stones in 2 months, them became really underweight. Bowel problems are so debilitating. I had a really good handle on my IBS for a solid three years there and now this 😞

[Hidden in reply to weegmack]

IBS I have problems from my pain medications, they are reducing them at the moment and also going through rough times.

Try not to worry, if you still have Antibiotics you need to complete the course. Hopefully after your tummy settles you will feel much better in yourself and will be able to move on. Tummy upsets can take time especially if they grumble like a bear.

You will get well so stop worrying

BOB

[weegmack in reply to Hidden]

I never had antibiotics, so it’s the virus that’s caused this mess in my gut. Grumble like a bear is a very good way to put it! Xx

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Sounds like he’s causing this. We have these nerves that go from deep inside our brains all the way to our gut. I don’t know about the Imodium but his mouth shut would help.

When we get anxious it causes these attacks. He sounds like my mother and my ex. It used to be just hearing a voice like his could double me up and I’d be in the bathroom off and on for hours. Horrible people.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Congratulations on your girls though!

amazon.com/Second-Brain-Gro...

That’s a book on how our gut is the second brain.

[weegmack]

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through with your mother and your ex. You’re absolutely right about my husband though, he needs to shut his mouth. I’ve posted about him on here before - he’s utterly horrible. But he blames everyone else. My eldest is home from uni for the holidays and she’s so sick of him, she’s going to stay with her boyfriend and his family. They’re only 15 minutes away, but she just can’t stand being around her dad anymore. The other night, my other daughter was in tears because he’s so aggressive with her. They’re young women now and are making their own minds up about him. I’ve told him so many times that he’s pushing them away and eventually they’ll just not see him. But he doesn’t care - it’s them, not him. He’s Mr Rational and has no patience for anxiety in particular. His initial response to me being anxious is impatience. We’ve been married 22 years and it is just getting worse. A few months ago, he told me he couldn’t stand living with me because I was so negative and anxious. So I told him to leave and he refused point blank. So I stopped talking to him about how I was feeling and then he decided he didn’t like that and wanted to “be there” for me 🙄🙄.

I feel really grim today. I’ve managed to get up, shower and wash my hair and do some washing. But I’m exhausted now. He’s sitting beside me on the sofa with his arms crossed and a face that would turn milk sour. I suggested earlier that he might want to go for a drive or a walk to get some air, because he must be bored being stuck in with me. And do you know what he said? “Mind your attitude” 😡😡

[Hidden]

How old is your husband, Middle Age ? It may be He is heading into middle age and that is causing those unreasonable upsets. I know in my fifties I was very ill and was going through Middle age I was very techy eventually in the early sixties I began to settle. Now at sixty nine I am in many ways a pussy cat, soft as clarts. I am very quite reading my books doing research, On here, watching TV , gardening. Even going for a short walk with Pax.

I suppose I found sometimes I had some regrets from the past, although that is something we have no control of now, we move on. I suppose my Wife has felt the same and that can cause thoughts from the past. We normally pick up books where we have been that helps us remember nice past experiences Can you not look for activities you both enjoy. Doing things you both enjoy that can bring couples back together

We like watching the birds on the bird table that can keep us occupied and positive, we are always doing something, boredom just upsets, So we do things together when I am not in pain

BOB

[weegmack in reply to Hidden]

He’s 45. We met when we were 16 and married at 22. I knew he had a propensity to be arrogant - his own dad is unbearable. I told him, when he asked me to marry him, that I wouldn’t stay with him if he turned out like his dad. Horrified by that, he promised not to. When our youngest was born, I had severe post natal depression and that’s when I lost respect for him completely. She’s 17 now. So that’s 17 years of me trying to claw back some respect for him. He did nothing to help and has spent the rest of our marriage being really impatient and aggressive about any time I’ve been anxious. He’s made me worse, for sure. I don’t work so I’ve had no means to up and leave with my girls. Once my youngest is at uni, I’m seriously considering leaving him. I’d love to find things we can do together but he’s so horrible, I’d rather not spend any time with him at all,

[Hidden]

I feel sorry for you and family. They say a family plays together stays together. If you cannot relax and talk life can be one big grudge match and that does not help in any way.

In our relationship we do most things together and we enjoy the doing same things.

However if arrogance is part of the problem, with anger, loosing respect is a forgone conclusion . aggression as well your husband sounds like He has no respect and He has crossed the line and the problem may get worse over time

I gather you are in the States, Do you have Marriage Guidance you both could go to. In the UK charities run them in most cities, that may help. Also try Social Services especially if you feel in any danger, they can move you into a half way house a place of safety where you have time to move on in your life

BOB

[weegmack in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much Bob. I’m in the UK. I have thought about marriage counselling. But maybe once I’m well. He’s calmed down a bit the last few days. I’m still pretty unwell. I’ll need to go back to the GP by the end of the week as my guts are still really bad. Xx