New to the group

[CloseToTheBottom]

Self worth and feeling seen and heard have been struggles for the majority of my life. I put myself second all the time. I try to make everyone else happy. I am rarely happy myself. There’s been few times in my life where I felt like I genuinely mattered to someone. I’m tired of all of it. Not seeing the point some days. It’s like for most people I’m only as good as what I can do for them. Me,myself, I don’t matter. I’m a nobody. My needs, wants, thoughts, desires …….. unrecognized

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Hello and welcome to HU community

I know that feeling. I'm the baby in my family and I'm a parentified daughter. Meaning it was my job/duty to keep my parents emotions in check. Later on spawn into taking everyone's emotions into consideration over my own.

It caused a lot of pain throughout my life. I often feel like I'm a ghost. I'm that friend that messages all my other friends to see how they are doing. I don't get anything back from them. It's like I exist and don't at the same time.

Trying to be happy with myself has proven to be a lot of work. I'm trying. It's difficult.

Anyways thank you for sharing your story. Hope we can be helpful to you.

[CloseToTheBottom in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

So many similarities in our stories. I’m the “baby” in the family. Did my best to not make mom or dad angry because it was unpleasant if I did. I don’t have many friends. The ones I do have I am almost certain they have me on do not disturb. I text a lot. Things I find funny or other randomness. Hoping for /wanting a connection and even my “best friends” have me on silent. I know I’m probably excessively needy but I just want to feel like someone gives a shit. Like I’m worth someone’s time.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to CloseToTheBottom]

Yeah I get that. I don't have many friends either. I'm great at gathering acquaintances but never "friends". The small little circle I have is most of my friends came from online. Not from within my community. The only one friend I had in town, moved away to another city.

She is living her best life. I'm happy for her. She deserves good things. Now all my friends live in different states, cities and countries. I don't have a friend that I can say "Hey let me call so & so to meet up at Dave and Busters for a drinks and play some games".

I think I only have one friend that truly gets me and he's kind of out of commission because of heart break. I'm lucky I have a partner. But I don't want him to feel like Im spamming him with all my problems.

I always worry if I'm being too needy when I send my friends memes or reels of funny stuff. And never hear anything.

[CloseToTheBottom in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

I feel like if anyone your partner should be someone you can lean on for whatever life throws your way. I do also understand your position though. You don’t want to overload them with what’s going on in your mind. It’s an internal struggle. You have things you want to say and share with them but They surely have their own struggles as well. That’s also your person though and you should be able to discuss your problems with them and feel safe and free to do so. I’m married but my wife rarely makes an effort to see or understand my position or feelings on anything. You partner is your partner for a reason. Them listening to your shit should be part of the deal. Even if it’s a lot. Feeling seen and heard is so important. Sorry to hear you don’t have anyone local to chill with because I feel like that it much needed time for all of us. I have about one friend I can do that with and we are lucky if it happens 5 times in a year. Then I feel guilty for it not happening more often while also feeling like they are only coming out to appease me out of a feeling of obligation. I know for a fact I am over the top with memes, reels , or whatever and I must be annoying but I want to feel something so bad I can’t stop myself

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to CloseToTheBottom]

My guy is a good man. He tries his best to be very supportive. But like you said it's an internal struggle of not wanting to feel overwhelming him with my issues. Especially when he may be struggling with himself or hell just putting up with me. I know I'm not the world's easiest person to live with. Especially when I'm battling back from emetophobia that has gotten so bad that I'm so small in weight that I appear probably to some as anorexic. Im working with a therapist 2x a week to get over that and bounce back from it. I've dealt with it before and dealt with it mostly by myself. But this time around it's different cause I don't have what I used to have.

You are right. When you get with someone you also get with their struggles, their insecurities, etc. That's why communication and trust is so important. Because you want your partner to feel you are a safe place for them.

I'm sorry your spouse isn't exactly that way. I feel that's how my best friend is. That's the one who moved away. I've known her for over 15 yrs even was a maid of honor at her wedding. But she really doesn't understand depression and anxiety. To her it's "Don't worry, be happy" or "Just try not to think about it". I relate better to my online buddy. But then again, him and I both know what anxiety and depression is like. It's hard explaining to someone who never experienced that before. Or they have a misinterpretation of it. Like they been sad before. But depression is more than just being sad. Or they've been nervous before. But anxiety is much more than being shy or nervous. I give anything to just be nervous about something. Rather than having ruminating thoughts that people will know how much of a coward I really am. And wondering if people can even sense that through the screen.

Apparently I put up a good enough front that people don't really notice. Or if they do that don't say anything. At least not to me anyways.

I think you are like me too hard on yourself. I think you are probably a delight to hangout with. Your friend enjoys your company. That it is hard as we get older hanging out becomes a scheduling thing. Like I can't hangout with you Tues because work. Let's try for Thursday because I don't work or I don't have the kids to take to soccer practice. I like to believe I'm decent enough company. And people enjoy my time. I just wish I had more friends around me to do that with.

[Windsorgardener5087]

Hi and welcome to your forum. We are a community of caring people with lived experiences of mental illness and wellness.

Reading your thoughts about your self worth is a reflection of my own faulty depression thinking. I am working harder than ever to fight this in therapy this year. It's my number one goal - to put myself first (every time) & love the person I am.

[strawberryfield25]

hi. i literally just joined and can’t believe the first post i read is about 95% of what i feel, just never been able to put it into words. i hope that through this forum, we can all learn to love ourselves just a little extra to decrease feelings/habits of codependency.