Why is this so hard, someone to talk to

[Coffeeshop]

Hi everyone. I had treatment resistant depression for my entire adult life, I've been on pretty much every med, hospitalized, ECT tms and ketamine. Nothings helped. I've gone the DBT and cbt route. I've been suicidal. Can anyone out there relate? I'm married with a 13 year old which makes it harder. My wife is not supportive. In fact, I don't have many people I can talk to about this stuff. I'm looking for friends and to expand my support network. Anybody else out there in hell...

[Ellamaye]

Hi there you sound like you've really been through the mill. I'm glad you have reached out there are lovely people on here to talk too.

[Coffeeshop in reply to Ellamaye]

Thanks!

[Hidden]

Yep, there are plenty of us here in the same boat with you. I'm so sorry you've gone through all that and still not found relief. I haven't tried the ECT or TMS yet but they are on my list. My next thing to try is DBT which starts in March for 16 weeks. I've been on so many psych meds it's ridiculous and none of them worked and most had horrible side effects. I see my therapist tomorrow and I can't wait. She's the only person who "gets it" except for another woman at the mental health center. Other than that, I have no family or friends to talk to about this stuff. My husband is fed up with dealing with me and he has never understood it. If I had a broken arm, he would be the best nurse ever. If I was diagnosed with diabetes or cancer, he'd be making sure I was taken care of but when it comes to the invisible disease of depression and anxiety, forget it. He is clueless. This online group is great because people understand. Sometimes we just need to tell someone and have them understand, even if they don't have a fix. Welcome to this group.

[Coffeeshop in reply to Hidden]

Thank you and good luck with the DBT. You really have to follow it to the letter. I'd try TMS first before ECT. It's non invasive and little to no side effects. ECT is much more involved. Becareful when doing it. I had mine done in the hospital. My wife is basically sick of me too. After 20 years she's done being my caregiver and has basically withdrawn. I'm sorry you're in the same boat as I am. Thanks for your support!

[bethelbee in reply to Coffeeshop]

I'm sorry to hear TMS was not successful for you. I was fortunate that it did work and is still working after 2 years. I could no longer take meds. I don't know what I would have done if TMS didn't work. I would personally never do ECT due to risk of memory loss(did you have any?). I know people that had memory loss following ECT. And due to other health issues I could not do ketamine if I had wanted to. I'm sorry nothing has worked for you.....

[Coffeeshop in reply to bethelbee]

Thank you. I'm glad tms worked for you and yes I have memory issues from ect.

[Beevee]

Hi there. Sorry to learn that you continue to suffer and know only too well how that feels.I wrote a post on this forum 2 years ago about treatment resistant anxiety that may be of interest to you. Usually, anxiety and depression go hand in hand. Bedfellows, if you like and believe the same treatment to bring about cure applies.

Best wishes!

[Coffeeshop in reply to Beevee]

Yes, they do go hand in hand and I have my share of anxiety too. Thanks for your support

[gajh]

I am not currently in hell, but I have been there. I have had some success with LENS Neurofeedback. Low Energy Neurofeedback System. It has not cured me, but it has made the symptoms more manageable. I still have a very hard time leaving the house, but I have had a little success. I have tried everything but ECT. I am very sorry that your wife is not supportive. You will find plenty of support here. I would be really happy to talk with you.

[Coffeeshop in reply to gajh]

Hi. Thanks for your support. How is the neurofeedback done? Where did you have to go? I'd be interested in learning more about it. My wife is basically had enough of me. It's great that you're able to leave the house a little now. Is that a result of doing the neurofeedback? Feel free to PM me anytime, we'll talk soon

[gajh in reply to Coffeeshop]

I sent you a PM. I just wanted to confirm if you received it.

[Coffeeshop in reply to gajh]

I got it, thanks. I'll reply shortly

[corgi_fan817]

hi coffeeshop. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Yes, it can be isolating when your wife is not supportive. Sometimes you need to vent. This site is great for that. Especially many of the people have been through this as well.

[Coffeeshop in reply to corgi_fan817]

Thanks for your note, I appreciate it. My wife is basically just sick of me and doesn't want to be my caregiver.

[Coffeeshop]

Thanks for the kind words. I'm sorry for what you're going through too. My wife has basically had enough of me. If you need to vent feel free to PM anytime.

[rksn in reply to Coffeeshop]

Thanks. I'm new to this site. What is PM? Is it the regular messages that we post, or something else? Due to cognitive impairment, I'm struggling to use any site.

[gajh in reply to rksn]

Click on Coffeeshop's user name. It will take you to their profile page. On the upper right hand corner you will see "Chat" click on chat and you can type out your message. That message will only be seen by Coffeeshop. It is a Private Message PM.

[rksn in reply to gajh]

Thanks a lot. I just tried sending a PM to Coffeeshop & it went through. For seeing replies to my PM, what should i do?

[bethelbee in reply to rksn]

You should get an email saying they sent a message to you and there will be a link to click so you can read and respond.

[rksn in reply to bethelbee]

Thanks a lot

[rksn]

Don't worry. I'm right there with you suffering from treatment resistant depression for over 4 decades till date! I'm now 60 yrs old. All possible combinations of antidepressants tried. Different types of psychotherapy also tried. Nothing is working. The types of neurostimulation that you were talking about and ketamine has not been tried as my psychiatrists were not convinced. So let's walk together till God shows us the right way. 🙏🙏❤❤

[Coffeeshop in reply to rksn]

I hope you find an answer soon. I'm still looking too.

[bethelbee in reply to rksn]

Have you tried TMS? I'm 68 and was on meds starting around '86. Had great success with some, others not so much. A few years ago I became treatment resistant to them and my therapist recommended TMS. The positive results of the first two rounds I had each lasted about 6 months and the 3rd round is still working after 2 years. I have had some down times but due to several health issues and if it weren't for the TMS would have really spiraled. Right before the 2nd round I was in a deep hole and if not for treatment may not be here today. Obviously as with any treatment it doesn't work for everyone but has a high rate of success. It is definitely worth a try. If your doctor isn't convinced, find another one. Hope you find something that helps; wishing you peace.

[Teaching]

You are welcome here. People here can listen to you.

[Coffeeshop in reply to Teaching]

Thank you

[Mamabear49_]

I too had treatment resistant depression and tried lots of meds, etc etc

There is hope!!!!!!

I have had anxiety/depression since I was a child

And have finally gotten to a place of joy

It takes hard work, a support system and a daily plan

It is not easy but so worth it and you can do it

There are days that I struggle but on the whole- I am so much better

It is not a curable illness but can be managed in my opinion

It requires a PLAN- I am in my 50’s now

I treat my depression with the following plan:

Sunlight- 20 min a day, journaling, checking in with my counselor/life coach- monthly—-meds/ good sleep/ exercise/ meditation/ yoga/ etc-healthy boundaries with family and friends/ daily purpose/work/ activity I enjoy- nature walks/gardening/talking with friends/ and my faith

I can tell when my life is out of balance because I start backsliding and think the wrong things

I have to challenge the negative thought and remind myself that it’s not true

Hang in there- start with small changes, journal your progress and don’t beat yourself up

Each day is a new day to try again

So glad you are here

[Shomacco in reply to Mamabear49_]

Awesome reply. Thank you!!!

[Weatherwoman in reply to Mamabear49_]

I like your suggestions, and do some of them already, but will try to incorporate more!

[rksn in reply to Mamabear49_]

@Mamabear_ Thank you so much for your elaborate message offering hope! Some of the things that you've suggested, I'm already doing. Some of them i cannot do now because of my severe somatic symptoms. I'll pick up the new ones and try.

My psychiatrist is currently weaning out my meds, gradually, as they are not helping me. In fact they could be harming me. So he wants to see how I'm doing without meds. So currently going through withdrawal symptoms and having a tough time.

A new type of Psychotherapy has been started called 'Recovery oriented services with a strength based approach'

Thanks again for your encouraging message! ❤❤❤

[Mamabear49_ in reply to rksn]

anytime ❤️

Reach out whenever you need

You got this!!

[Coffeeshop in reply to Mamabear49_]

Wow. Awesome plan. Thanks for sharing, I'll try and keep up.

[TwinsDad03]

I feel your pain. I've been suffering for years, tried meds, ECT, some CBT but mostly tried to pretend things were okay. Now I'm off work because my anxiety is triggered by work. On 6 different meds now for anxiety/depression. Wife doesn't totally get it. Don't have friends to talk to. I'm trying to improve but I feel like others think I just don't want to work even though I've worked nonstop for 35 years. Still looking for something that will control the anxiety. Supposed to return to work on 2/9 and I'm super anxious about it. Hoping for the best. Sorry you're dealing with anxiety and wish you all the best!

[Coffeeshop in reply to TwinsDad03]

Thanks. I know a lot of spouses don't get it. Sorry you've had so much trouble yourself. If you need to talk just pm me

[Shomacco]

Hey Coffeeshop!

A Coffee shop Is where I try to start my mourning routine. It’s where I’m at now.

Like you I’m 52, have a 15 year old (and 19y/o) and a wife that’s done with me.

On my 3rd therapists, Couples therapist, too many Meds to list, TMS, Ketamine, psilocybin. Kids are the only thing keeping me on the planet.

I really like @Mamabear49_ ‘s reply. It’s kind of where I’m leading to now.

Also reading this book, and its starting to feel like her reply to a way.

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself

amazon.com/Breaking-Habit-B...

I’ll PM you…

[yhsbirny]

Have you tried the MAO inhibitors, Parnate or Nardil? They often help even when nothing else does , not even ECT.

[Coffeeshop in reply to yhsbirny]

Thanks. No I haven’t tried them. I'll ask. Have you? Did they help

[yhsbirny in reply to Coffeeshop]

Yes, I am taking Parnate now and also took it 40 years ago. These are old drugs which fell out of favor because of a few flawed studies but are now coing back into favor because like I said the profesion is starting to realize these work when nothing else does for MDD.

You have to be on somewhat of a restricted diet and they interact with many OTC and other drugs which you have to avoid but it is not as hard as it sounds . I have to go to work now; will explain more later, but i would definitely talk to your provider about them (don't be surprised if people have never even heard of them; my pharmacist hadn't)😀.

[Coffeeshop in reply to yhsbirny]

I'll have to ask my Dr about it. Do you have any side effects? Are you on anything else. I think I'm over medicated as it is, I wonder how I'd get off my cocktail, I'm very sensitive to dose changes as it is. You cam pm me if you want

[yhsbirny in reply to Coffeeshop]

Yes, I'm on a very high dose of lorazepam and 2400mg/day of gabapentin for anxiety. No side effects from the Parnate now that I am on stable dose (50mg/day); only side effect I had was extreme drowsiness for a few weeks as I was going up on the dose. The thing with the MAOis (and you should research them if you're thinking of trying them) is that if you eat certain fermented or aged foods, or take certain meds with them, it will cause a build-up of tyramine, which can cause your blood pressure to skyrocket to the crisis level. When I was on Parnate 40 years ago (and I was on it for 4 or 5 years with great results till it stopped working) the list of foods and meds that were thought to have bad interactions was so long doctors stopped using it. Then they realized a lot of that was based on flawed research and 1 or 2 anecdotal cases and started using the MAOIs again, because, as I said, they realized they work against severe depression when nothing else does. There are very few restrictions today; the only things known to cause a bad interaction are gourmet aged cheeses and soy sauce (regular stuff from store is OK) and certain antihistamines. BTW, the MAOIs were originally brought out as blood pressure meds, and the Parnate, besides relieving my depression, lowered my top number by 25-30 points! My doctor couldn't believe I am now normal for BP (bottom number was always OK). Look up Dr. Ken Gillman psychotropical.com/ ; he is the Internet expert on MAOIs and has been in the forefront of getting the profession to start using them again

[yhsbirny in reply to Coffeeshop]

Forgot to mention; you also cannot take any other anti-depressants with the MAOIs, and if you are on one now there has to be a 2-week washout period (5 weeks with Prozac since it has such a long half-life) where you are off all anti-depressants before you can start an MAOI.

[Coffeeshop in reply to yhsbirny]

Well, I'm lactose intolerant so I don't have to worry about the cheese. It would take me months to get off all my meds. As ii mentioned I think I'm over medicated and very sensitive to dose changes. I'm on a very high dose of Lamictal and getting off that is like getting off heroin. Thanks for all the info, I'm really intrigued. I'm very glad it's helped you

[yhsbirny in reply to Coffeeshop]

Yes, unfortunately that wash-out period kills it for a lot of people; having to go 2 weeks or more with no support from any meds. But the thing is, if your current regimen isn't helping and/or you are still very depressed and or suicidal, it would seem like you would have to make some change anyway. I was on lamictal for a while years ago; it was given to me as a "mood stabilizer". Don't think it really helped but can't remember for sure; maybe it helped a little. You just have to work with your doctor to try and figure out what to do next. Get back to me here if you need any more "advice"😁 I am always happy to chat about psychiatric meds and conditions.

[Jane_5060]

Hi Coffeeshop ~ I have been taking AUVELITY for about a month and a 1/2. It has really helped me. It’s described as a treatment for MMD. Major Depressive Disorder. Tried many, many drugs in the past especially Zoloft which probably worked the best before this drug. AUVELITY takes a little time but you do notice some positive affects fairly soon. It just takes awhile to get you up a few significant levels. Lots of crying and anxiety have been eased and terrible feelings of worthlessness are going away. However - have had a few bad days dispersed in between. But I’ll take that over what I had. I don’t feel wonderful yet but better! It states a million side affects but I did not have any. Maybe something to consider if you are a good candidate and your insurance covers it. My doctor had to fight for it in order for me to get it. Good luck! Sending healing vibes.

[Jane_5060 in reply to Jane_5060]

Should also stress I have many outside things that work against me - family etc.., Not much of a support system and I have to fight that but this stuff seems to really help keep me stay afloat at least. Should continue to get better. Thanks

[Coffeeshop in reply to Jane_5060]

Glad you find something that helps you. Thanks for the support.

[poetinthegarden]

I can relate I have pms, many different antidepressants, cognitive therapy I have anxiety, depression and agoraphobia. If you never had it it is hard to understand

[Coffeeshop in reply to poetinthegarden]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. This is one place I found that you can talk about it. How long have you been suffering

[ArtDogs]

it is lonely when folks don’t understand. I inform people I get close to (family, friends). Some get it, others not quite. Sharing here is a good start.

[Coffeeshop in reply to ArtDogs]

Thanks. The thing is my wife thinks she gets it. We're in couples therapy bc basically my depression killed my marriage.

[Healthynurse]

I can relate I just finished TMS last week for the second time. But none of this is new to me, it gone my entire life. My whole family has it too.

[Coffeeshop in reply to Healthynurse]

Thanks. Did you find TMS helped you? I also did it twice. The first time it helped a little but only when I was doing it. Not sustainable after. Nothing. The second time did completely nothing. I might do neurofeedback. It's like an EEG on your head.

[Indiegal]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much with your depression. It's hard to find the right meds and therapy. I have a lot of ups and downs and feel depressed and lonely a lot too. I live alone and work at home so it can really get lonely at times. And I weirdly often feel more lonely around other people if that makes sense. It doesn't help when family doesn't understand it and just tells you to stop feeling sorry for yourself (something my mom says to me).

A few years ago (oddly right at the start of the pandemic), I had really bad withdrawal symptoms from meds. It made me angry, irritable, and even suicidal (I never acted on it though). I said I would never go on anti-depressants again after that. While I've had some lows and have thought about going back on something at times, overall I actually feel better off the meds. Although I have been taking an herbal supplement that has Ashwaghanda and some other herbs that has helped me lately without any side effects. It could be worth trying to find a more holistic doctor to try some other options. But finding people to chat with like on here can help too.

I hope you start feeling better soon!

[Coffeeshop in reply to Indiegal]

Thanks. Going off meds is a lot to think about. Thanks for sharing. I actually just went on rexulti, which of course has side effects but it's kept the SI at bay for the most part (nothing is 100%). So it's a catch-22.