Finding someone to talk to

[Iszabella]

I never feel like I can talk to anyone anymore. Everyone around me is always saying negative things about me to me and it gets harder and harder to listen to. I try my best everyday to smile and make sure everyone is happy but it always back fires on me. I've been depressed for years now and haven't ever had anyone I can go and talk to

[Hidden]

Sounds like you are talking to the wrong people. When someone tells you negative things about you then that is usually a bad reflection on them. They are plenty of friendly people on here to talk to.

[Blueruth]

I think you take too much on. It isn’t your responsibility to make others happy. Take care of yourself first. Your profile says 21. People are pretty self focused at that age. Are you talking to a therapist?

[Iszabella in reply to Blueruth]

I've never spoken to a therapist

[Blueruth in reply to Iszabella]

They can help you work out what you may not be seeing especially if you don't feel comfortable asking for feedback.

[fauxartist]

It's not our job to make others happy, and frankly, we can't. We can only be in charge of our own happiness. It's too exhausting to always be putting so much of yourself out there. Some people don't want our help, and we have to accept that we can't fix anyone. It's nice to think your trying to help, but people are who they are, good, bad, or indifferent.

quotes

[Iszabella]

Thanks I thought about going to the gym to get out the house and work on my business but haven't got the confidence to go and do it

[Blackearsandabow]

Thank you for sharing something that I too struggle with.. When I first began my serious commitment to rid my bad habits that were leading me to unhealthy incidents..I asked those close to me for feedback causing harm.. things that I couldn’t see myself.. it started out well.. then it went from supportive to constant negative attacks.. I politely asked for it to stop..now I’m afraid to interact with them.. continued working on what I had the power to improve.. my anxiety levels were off the charts yet I was even criticized for that.. even tried through my therapists.. fell on deaf ears.. I was even blamed.. I too now use a mask of happiness or when asked lie about how I feel.. I have shut myself away from people if I can.. I joined my face to face support group.. making some real progress..yes I sincerely empathize with you.. I am grateful to you sharing this.. I’m just not sure what I can do.. replying is helpful.. I apologize for the novel.. by the way I can’t figure out how to share on my own feed..

[Skjones in reply to Blackearsandabow]

I get the same from my wife

[Skjones]

We are here for you we all know how that one goes I always feel under constant attack

[Roxylox]

I get a lot of that too. I still go out of my way automatically to please people it's just my nature.Yet like you I'm constantly hearing bad stuff

about me.

Like Blackearsandabow l am doing well in a support group.

Can you talk to family?

I've recently started sharing with a sister things l've bottled up for years. Not family related issues.

[mvillarreal]

Iszabella What kind of things do they say about you?

[Iszabella in reply to mvillarreal]

Anything really, I'm useless; I won't amount to anything; I'm a horrible person

[Hidden in reply to Iszabella]

Is this friends or family? What they are doing is bullying you. I would distance from them if I were you and I certainly wouldn't be trying to make them happy. Concentrate on making yourself happy and use there insults as fuel.

[Iszabella in reply to Hidden]

Its all family saying this, I have walked away from a lot of them and do feel better for it. I try and make sure I'm happy but knowing what I have walked away from is always on my mind

[Hidden in reply to Iszabella]

No one should be talking to you like this especially family.

[mvillarreal in reply to Iszabella]

Do you know anybody who you think would be more encouraging? Like friends outside your family? Coworkers? People in your house of worship, if that's your thing?

[coatpin in reply to Iszabella]

I too have walked away from family, while in therapy, and ten years on, even though you learn to distance yourself and ask yourself questions as your mind races, and you start to see the pattern of their toxic, system. It goes like this with mine, they make you feel wanted, your so pleased someone is happy to see you. Then you go out of your way to be helpful, and put your self out,. you notice they only talk about themselves, their health and your wanting to say things, that you feel they are not being totally truthful about. It starts to get on your nerves, and you can just about say word for word of her his distorted sense of her world. Shes become totally selfish, and only cares about herself it seems. saying nasty things about other people, then you think I wonder what she says about me? I noticed when I wanted to talk about something, she quickly said she had to go , and was not interested in my stuff. I told myself off for getting caught again, even though I was being patient as a saint. I invited her for christmas, she never bothered to call me, 2mths went by, no call from her. I decided she maybe older than me, she complains that people go upstairs to their own rooms, when shes there. MMMM I wonder why.

She wont listen to me, yet she moans that shes feeling very down, I said yep I can understand why, why she asks, well Im suprised you want to listen, it was your decision, to not increase your tablets, so what do you want me to do, listen and listen for hours while you go on about why you feel so low. I spent a lot of time with you, sorting out things, and I took my time out of my days to drive 30 miles, I came 6 times, you said you were going to pay for my petrol yet I had to ask you many many times for it, yet you did not care that Im on less money than you, I had gone out of my way, to go to someones house, and get a free fridge freezer, go pick it up, 4 miles away from me. you see I was thinking of you... I delivered it, and you insisted of us moving it into your hallway, I was there till 11pm on firework night, when really I should have pleased myself and gone to that firework display. Because when you rang, you went on about how the fridge freezer did not fit, and that, you had to plug it in your living room. and that your daughter came round and dumped it instead of gifting it to someone else that might need one. !!! No wonder people go upstairs to thier rooms, because you simply dont listen, you just want to talk loudly about yourself, about how unfair the world is, yet its you who has pissed off everyone that has ever helped you and they are done!! really done, because, you take notice of no one, but your way is everything to you, yet its got you no where!! its alianated everyone away from you, I helped you then you started attacking me about how I looked after my dog, yet I came to help you, I think my dog was amazing,,, he just went to sleep. But you thought attacking my dog was attacking me. But really it says a lot about you. Why I left the family,,, i was invisible, you say you want to help me, yet, in those ten years where were you??? Because I was ill, fighting the demons, that was telling me I was worthless, and I might as well end it. Because of the meds, I changed from size 8 to size 16 I hated myself. Because I was on the wrong dose,,, after 30 years, Im on 4 times and I know the hell that your going through, please just trust someone, I have walked your hell, I got through it. I stay away from my kids because they attack and they are toxic, it was not easy, but Im so much happier without them. You see they only want me to clean, look after their kids, and do the decorating. They dont care about me, they dont CARE, they buy their friends presents and say wonderful things, about them, to their face, but,,, they only care about themselves, and money. So I stopped baby sitting 24hrs a day, now Im not needed anymore, they stopped buying me birthdays ignored me on mothers day, went away at christmas, buying presents for their friends, while Im left alone. Well at least theirs no arguments. Silly girl thought she could hide her narcissistic boyfriend but I saw him sitting on her bed,,, I went to the loo and the attic light was on, with cover over it with the plug extends to the light. So I switched the plug off. Hahahahhah, she was annoyed, but she didnt let on. Shes sneeky and thinks shes won. But I knew, she lies because she wants her own way, and she does anything to make sure she gets her own way. She feels entitled. I feel so much lighter being away. Im not going to feed her narsistc supply.

[coatpin]

Have you thought about talking with a counsellor, to get your thoughts validated, help you to say to people, "gosh you sound so negative", and leave that thought with them, dont feel, that you have to please people, do they care enough to do the same for you? I doubt it. I bet your a caring person, and heartfelt.

Look at your life, and imagine floating above, observing. What would you say to yourself? If your not happy, in your life, only you can change it. So go join a club, or something that might be interesting to you. Enjoy it. See what it brings.

[Blackearsandabow]

When it’s family it hurts even worse.. I even hurt to even admit that it is my girls and my sister who I tried to use my therapist to make it stop.. there’s others but I have stopped talking to them.. but my daughter’s really crushes my heart.. I wasn’t a perfect mom.. I don’t think I was by far a decent and loving mom.. To give them a stable life and a good chance to have for a bright future as an adult.. I tolerated many things that ravaged my soul.. I never let them know or thrown it in their face and kept it to myself.. yes sometimes it took me to a dark place.. We were a tight knit family of 3.. now the oldest having two degrees and has a really good job. The youngest already is an EMT, Medication Aide, and CNA and makes decent money for a 20 year old.. My sister moved here 11 years ago and we had a good relationship.. I don’t understand.. I have quite a few people who notice a changing in me.. but it’s like now I can never do anything right and they can do or say anything and it’s okay for them.. if I call them out about it.. common answer is “ we don’t do stupid things that hurt people “ Wow.. just Wow.. What happened to their love and support?? I’m working hard for a healthy me.. I sincerely understand your pain..

[Blackearsandabow]

I meant to say that I felt like I was a loving decent mother.. sorry about that