Why is working so hard?

[shay8blue]

Lately I've been having lots of troubles getting to work. I'm am 17 and finishing my last semester of high school and work part time (I only work weekends and call ins now since school has started.) My work isn't terrible to be honest and my co workers are great but for some reason I cant push myself to go to work anymore. The night before I work I always get horrible anxiety that makes me puke and ball my eyes out to the point I cant breath and get headaches. I have breakdowns through the week just thinking about work and my depression has never been so high. I've talked to my counselors and my doctor even my family and it seems like they arent really understanding how I feel but it's so hard to explain. They all have agreed to change my position at work and gave me more meds for anxiety but I feel like I'm physically not able to get up and go nor mentally stable enough to not harm myself while there. The weird thing is I can get up and go to school no problem when school is worse. My mom keeps calling me down saying I'm a failure and I'm not going anywhere in life and it's starting to get into my head... If I cant work now... What am I going to do in a semester never mind the rest of my life? I've been to the hospital for this and even harmed myself to get out of work... Everyone keeps telling me to push through it and that's the only way to get through this and everyone hates their jobs and you need to make your own happiness but I'm breaking down and I cant take this anymore. My last two jobs I quit due to staff bullying and high anxiety since I was cashier but I NEVER felt like this. I've only been at my new job for like 2 months and already I wanna quit but I know everyone would be disappointed in me and call be a quitter but I dont know what els to do. I feel alone and unable to continue and I just want everything to stop. I cant keep pushing myself or I will break. What do I do? Does anyone els feel this way?

[Hidden]

Oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear the pain and struggles your facing. I hear you though! What strength I think you have for all you are doing and so young! I only got as far as the 8th grade so good for you for pressing on and being strong even when its hard! I am so sad to hear you have to deal with putdowns, this is hard and painful but even more so from a Parent I believe. Clearly you are dealing with so much and are overwhelmed and this is nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I had wise words for you but the only thing that comes to mind is to say I hear you and that what you are feeling is real and valid. Work sucks lol okay that isn't the best advice but hey i am being honest. Life is hard. You are going to school, working and dealing with so much pressure from a parent with not so kind words. Not okay!

I hope you find the path that's best for you and support you need. Just know and hopefully you can believe you matter! Your feelings and needs matter! And you do not deserve to be bullied or put down!!

[shay8blue in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much honestly I think I needed to hear that and thanks for taking time to respond it means a lot.

[Ohno60]

Just a thought but do you get physically and mentally tired by it? We never understood why our daughter hated working so much until we found out she was autistic. It might be worth reading about just so you can rule it out maybe.

[shay8blue in reply to Ohno60]

Interesting I never thought of that and I actually do get tired both mentally and physically. Thanks! I'll look into it. Also can I ask what your next step was? Like what did you do when you found out?how is she doing now? Have things changed?

[Ohno60 in reply to shay8blue]

We are still working through it as we only had it confirmed this year. We would get cross when she said she could never get a full time job because she was too tired! But it all makes sense now and everything is falling into place. I do worry about her future though and will be relieved when we can get some proper help for her.

[WickNeo]

I have so much empathy for you. All jobs are not terrible. The one you have is for you, though. Have you considered working with animals, plants or machines? Perhaps a training program or apprenticeship would give you more satisfaction at work. Not everyone is suited for work the way our advisors and parents were.

Ask your school if you can take a skills assessment test to see where your strengths are. Guidance counselors are supposed to do that for their students. Step up and start advocating for your mental health. It might be scary, but only you can tell others what you desire, crave, have interest in or detest. Part of learning to be an adult is being able to express your needs in a productive manner.

Maybe you can start a small business mowing lawns, gardening for elderly neighbors? What are your hobbies? Work with musicians creating web pages. Find what you love. Work in that field. Food for thought.

I didn’t understand that I needed therapy until I was 18 and failing at college. You’re ahead of me, so good for you. At least you’ve identified the stressor in your life is your job. Some people say, never quit a job unless you have another one lined up. You have to decide that your mental health is worth more to you than the potential disappointment of parents, employers.

Take a leave of absence. Ask for a week off unpaid. No one wants you to self harm to get through the day.

Good luck to you on your life’s journey.

[shay8blue in reply to WickNeo]

Thank you so much it mean a lot. I've never had a job that I got to work with things I'm interested in like animals but I'm struggling to find one since covid and well I live in a small town but I think searching for something I like doing is worth the time it will take. Thanks again and good luck on your journey as well.

[shay8blue]

Thank you so much! I feel so lonely and it makes me feel much better knowing I'm not alone in this. I'm proud of you for getting help and pushing through this pain. You are so strong and good luck for future problems you may run into.