worry, worry

[Unionqueen]

my son is 40 and going through a breakup. I worry all the time. My brother suicided at 40. I can’t sleep, I feel on edge. I pretend I am all right. Sleep is bad. How do I get out of this?

[LoveforAll41]

Hi Unionqueen, I am sorry that you are stuck worrying. I would say that it is okay to worry! It will help keep you alive and help you take care of things that you value. I am sure that you value your son so of course you are going to be worrying about him at this time. I have heard people talk about worries and schedule time to worry about them for 15 minutes a day or something at a certain time. Perhaps something like this could help? I am sure therapy is not a bad idea too. I wish you peace, hope, and strength.☮️

[Hippiedeb5150]

Sending peace& lots of love to you my friend. Sounds like you are being swallowed up! Try to get outside at least 10 minutes/day, exercise 20 min/day- can be 5 minutes at a time if u want-deep breathing helps-get rest-reach out to your tribe(& if you don't have a tribe-this group can be your tribe!) Meditate/pray several times a day-1-5 minutes each time. These are suggestions given to me by therapist-sharing with you b/c we, "get it" in this group. Bless your heart-one day-one hour-one minute at a time. Hang in there- peace & love to you💖

[Midori]

Hello Union Queen,

Welcome to the Community, All of us here have suffered from depression of one kind or another, and as we get help, we also attempt to give help to others who come.

I can understand your worry; My son is coming up to the same age as his father was when he suicided, and, unfortunately he has the same condition. He is also depressed in general. He has already mentioned that he feels useless. He is my carer, which makes me doubly worry.

Unfortunately for us, we can't actively pack up our children in cotton wool to protect them from this, We can watch over them, and care for them, but ultimately they must find a way to channel their inner strength to push through by themselves. All we can do is support their decisions.

Not much comfort for you, I know, but, try to be strong for him, even if you find it tough going.

Cheers, Midori

[Starrlight in reply to Midori]

((((((((((((((Midori))))))))))))

[Unionqueen]

actually that is comforting. As a parent we sometimes think we have control when we really don’t. So you understand when it’s a family condition. Thank you for your thoughts

[Midori]

You are very welcome.

Cheers, Nidori

[Starrlight]

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I was exactly the same - my brother killed himself and I always worried about my first son doing the same some day. I had to think of separating my bro from my son and remind myself they are totally different people and eventually the whole idea settled down and is now gone.

I wish for you ti have the same relief. I just kept telling myself it wasn’t fair or right to judge my son as if he were my bro. I think it’s so hard with scary intrusive thoughts of ocd that I experience and I tried to give it less importance in my mind and it helped.

[Unionqueen]

that is a good suggestion. Focusing on the differences between them will help me. I have been trying different relaxation techniques and sleep is better. I remind myself to reframe my thoughts to a more positive thought.