Feeling like I'm failing in life

[Indiegal]

I've been feeling like a failure in my life recently and I don't know how to get out of this mindset. Long story short, but I own my own business (solo) and made a bad investment in a marketing opportunity that costed me a lot of money and put me into debt, both for the business and personally. Then I got sick for awhile and got behind on work. And all of that caused my depression to get pretty bad since. I had some moments before the holidays where I was more social and things personally seem to be getting better, which helped some.

But lately, I've been feeling like I'm failing at everything in life. I'm in several groups with other professionals and business owners and have been feeling like I'm so behind in life. Everyone in the business owners groups have families and successful businesses and nice houses and great support from so many others in the group. And they are the ones asked to speak at events and promoted a lot for being so amazing. I definitely support these women and am happy they are successful and have so much in life. But as a single woman in her 40s with no kids and a business that's in debt, I just don't feel like I fit in anywhere and am so behind in my life. And I feel slighted about not getting asked to speak on topics that I've been an expert at for years (and they know about). I attended an event last night for a group I usually enjoy and they all talked about their kids and husbands that they all seem to know from going to the same school or a nearby school. And they were all talking about how successful their businesses are and how they're growing or have new exciting opportunities. I just felt like I couldn't relate and had nothing to offer the conversation (and I can talk to almost anyone usually).

While I am usually ok being different than others and don't want kids or possibly even a husband, I'm just feeling like a loser and that I don't have my sh** together in life. I know people say you shouldn't compare yourself to others, but how can I not when everyone else seems to be doing so well in every aspect of their life (or at least in many) while I'm not doing well in any area of mine?

[gajh]

You are being way too hard on yourself. These people that you are comparing yourself to probably are not struggling with depression and anxiety. I think you sound like a major success for someone who is struggling with depression and anxiety. Give yourself credit for all that you are doing. You are working, you are socializing, you are out in the world living your life. Those are huge accomplishments. Not at all easy when you are struggling with depression and anxiety. Let yourself heal from the depression and anxiety before judging yourself. I for one think you are a success.

[Indiegal in reply to gajh]

Thank you! I appreciate your support and kind words. 💙 There's part of me that wonders if I should limit my involvement in some of these groups for a bit with women who appear to be super moms and super successful business owners. I have a group of friends that are divorced moms with average jobs and it's nice to hang out with them and not feel all that pressure all the time to have to be perfect. While I can learn from successful business owners, it just feels like too much pressure and judgment right now.

[gajh in reply to Indiegal]

It sounds like such a good idea to limit your involvement in some of these groups for now. Spend that time with your friends where you don't feel the pressure to be perfect. Take yourself away from the pressure and judgment. You do not deserve either.

[designguy]

I use to feel like I needed external validation without even realizing it because I suffered from low-self-worth. I use to constantly compare myself to others totally dismissing how much I had accomplished and achieved. I recovered by focusing on building up my own self-worth and learning to validate myself and truly accept myself. Yes, I made a lot of mistakes but I also learned from those mistakes and that is how we grow. There is a lot of good info on youtube about developing your self-worth you might check out.

[Indiegal in reply to designguy]

Thanks for this! Any good YouTube channels you suggest following?

[designguy in reply to Indiegal]

You're welcome I really like Bernadette Logue, Julia Kristina, Emma at Therapy in a Nutshell and I did the Break Free program of Dr Bernadette Sewell which was very good.

[Indiegal in reply to designguy]

Great thanks! I'll check them out.

[Hidden]

I'm sorry you feel so bad but you are stronger than you think if you are able to be a business owner. I hope you can find some people to associate with who will see you for your worth.

[Indiegal in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! I go through periods of being confident and feeling good about being a business owner, but I feel like I've been spiraling downwards for months. I've been trying to hang out with friends more than other business owners to avoid so much comparing myself. Unfortunately January is the worst month for trying to be social because everyone basically hibernates this time of year around me.

[CLB1125]

I agree with everything everyone else has said. You made a bad business decision but you still have your business. There’s nothing wrong with being single. My son is 44 years old and single. He tried marriage and it didn’t work out. He realized it wasn’t for him. He has made peace with that. He looks at the positive sides of it. You shouldn’t compare yourself to anyone else. I agree maybe stop some the groups you attend for now and focus more on you and getting your business where you want it to be. We are all here to support you.

[Indiegal in reply to CLB1125]

Thank you! I feel like I just need a win and to get out of my head and in situations where I'm constantly comparing myself with others. Then hopefully I can get on a more positive trajectory. It's just hard to get out of this rut right now, especially this time of year when most people don't go out much.

[Hidden in reply to Indiegal]

It's interesting that you mentioned it hard to get out of this rut because most people hibernate this time of the year. I just realized that it exactly right. I was in this same dark depression last January and having panic attacks. Once I had to go to the ER because I thought it was a heart attack. Once spring/summer came along I started to feel better. Now looking back over my life, I think I've always had a hard time in Dec, Jan, Feb, Mar. Nothing grows, everything's dead and brown. No one wants to go out because it's too cold or if you live up north, too snowy AND cold/freezing. I guess all we can do is pray to get through this until spring and summer arrive. I'm glad this group is here.

[Indiegal in reply to Hidden]

Yes, my depression always gets worse over the winter. Sorry you feel it too. There's actually medical proof of the lack of sun causing SAD (seasonal affective disorder) so I bet others around us are feeling it too and why they stay home more. I do live up north and it's pretty cold for like 5 or 6 months out of the year. And I did notice improvements when I lived in a warm climate for several years and people went out more in the winter. I'm trying to find some hobbies I can do and volunteer opportunities to find more ways to get out more or just be active this time of year. Maybe that could help you too.

[Indiegal]

Thanks for your response and sorry you're going through a lot of similar things. I am doing better than I was when I posted, partially because I've been skipping the group events and focused on myself.

And that's a good point. It can be frustrating that single women (or people) without kids are expected to show interest and talk all about other's families, but then they show no interest to talk about our lives. I am usually generally interested in hearing about the kids of my close friends and family, but it would be nice if they returned the sentiment about things in my life too.