I'm new here and this is my story.

[colts4500]

Im 39 years old Im apart of the LGBT community. I have depression. I suffer from this because I lost my mother in 2014. I have 5 lawsuits, not feeling accepted in the LGBT community, over $50,000 debt, and just feel life has me down. I can't make friends as easy. I usually stay in my room. I live with my friend and I feel as though Im alone. I feel hurt every time when people lie to me or when they say they like me but never talk to me again. I really don't want to do anything anymore. I try to keep moving forward and try to remain positive. But inside is where it hurts the most. I rarely let people know what is going inside of me because of trust. I been hurt way to many times. Then I make choices that try to make me happy like going to casinos but who I am kidding I still come home sad, I go by myself. I hope to meet others that will see what I am saying.

[BonnieSue]

I don't understand why people would treat you so badly. It sounds so awful. I'm sorry that this has happened so often to you. I'm sorry about all of the lawsuits, too. That has to be miserable. I wish I had a good answer to end your troubles.

Do you have a therapist or counselor? I think you would benefit greatly from one. You need to know more about how to make good, lasting friendships and how to avoid lawsuits and simply enjoy having someone who supports you completely and is in your corner, cheering you on. This is critical in your life right now. You might want to check online at Psychology Today for the photos, specialties and philosophies of therapists and also if they have fees determined by a sliding scale according to income, and insurance accepted, and other details. You can also check around for doctor's referrals for a good counselor.

I hope you follow through on this suggestion. It has been a wonderful, best move in my own life and I suspect it will be in your life as well.

[colts4500 in reply to BonnieSue]

Thank you for your response. I do not have any insurance right now. I feel hopeless. But I do not want to feel sorry for myself. I want to move forward and to be happy. But I want to thank you for your suggestions. I will try some of them out.

[BonnieSue in reply to colts4500]

Ok, even though you feel hopeless, you must know that the way to end that feeling is to act AGAINST it with HOPE. What if the fee for a counselor on a sliding scale turns out to be $10.00? And you find you can afford this priceless gift of hope and help for $10.00? Right now you probably have no idea how counseling can be your treasure better than gold and a free cruise to your favorite vacation destination. You can only wonder. It's probably your ticket out of this hopeless state of despair with no future but you MUST step out in faith and take a chance.

And you may also need to see a doctor about about taking an antidepressant when you can afford it or have insurance. Please get the counseling right away. You need that hope and help to hang on until you can get to a doctor and get that medical help. Typically both are needed for a full recovery. Please help yourself because you know you are worth it.

[spedteach in reply to BonnieSue]

That was a very good response Bonnie Sue. Very good advice.

[BonnieSue in reply to spedteach]

Thank you, I'm glad to hear you agree with it.

[nancy11]

Hello colts4500 ,being a part of lgbt community is not something you decided for yourself it's natural.lets talk about your depression and anxiety,many people these days suffer from depression and anxiety , me being one of them.

Let me tell you there is definitely a cure for depression and anxiety and it has been proved that it is a mentalillness.it is like any other disease that needs to be cured.

Though I have not been able to find a complete cure myself but I know there exists one for sure

Try reading books by echart tolle,they will definitely help you gain a different perspective on life and you will not feel bad if people ignore you,as they are not happy themselves

Try yoga,meditation ,healthy diet and it will surely improve your symptoms

Finally believe that everything is curable and you are one of the beautiful creations of god

[colts4500 in reply to nancy11]

Thank you for your response. I really appreciate what you said. It's hard and I feel that there is no more hope. I will try some your solutions you gave me. Thank you

[Ddorne]

Colts, I read all the previous replies and agree with them. Why do you feel you are unaccepted in the LGBT community ? Usually they are accepting. If you have no insurance try for Medicaid. Depression is hard but it is treatable. God Bless

LT

[colts4500 in reply to Ddorne]

I feel unaccepted because I have mental issues. And I just have a hard time communicating with others. Sometimes, I feel like an outcast as well. I just try so hard but I'm so scared of what others think as well.

[Hidden]

hi, sounds like you & I are in the same boat....my depression started dec 20, 1999. had my 1st baby nov 11, 1999 by emergency c-section....5 weeks after birth, healing from major surgery & struggle breastfeeding & xmas. had mom come babysit so we could buy a xmas tree....came home & mom was sitting at the table & looked strange....she said she was going to start screaming in pain....went to ER & i beebopped between baby & hospital....from ER date....10 days later she died.....i'm an only child & deceased parents & no family to speak of....have no idea how to care for a baby.....i remember telling hubby that me & baby would not, could not survive this & went to bed....had to get on meds. it was bad for a good year. then miscarried. then got pg w/baby #2....scheduled c-section on march 13th....mom's bday.....however she kicked her way out 3 weeks early on 02/19/2003. had major thyroid problem called post partum thyrotoxicosis....developed fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue @ 5 weeks PP & would never return to my job as RN....on disability.....2005 hurricane katrina.....2006/2007 divorced after 25 yrs.....he let EVERYTHING get repo'd....2008 started having severe back pain.....open heart surgery for valve ....2010 another open heart valve.....joked that i had a "broken heart" & its a real thing....wasn't my thing i don't think.....had gastric bypass surgery in 2003 after baby & lost over 100 #'s & still look like shit. ...sorry, TMI....i'm 52 now & alone....rent room to a friend in exchange for cooking, cleaning & transportation. kids live with dad - they were taken from me when my mental/physical condition was SOOOOOO BAD i could no longer care for them or me & even had psychotic tendencies. scary stuff.....he lived next door & divorced or not should have let me get that bad.....nearly died on 3 occasions. I actually found an awesome site that i find helpful....its like combo homeschooling & telemedicine.....its tons of useful ideas & often provides a simple distraction & pass time....sometimes i'm like "what can i do to get through the next hour. I've taken more to journaling & research....TG for the internet, netflix, pinterest etc etc.....i'll send you some links to my pinterest boards if you are interested.....i think we could be friends/penpals (LOL).....i sometimes (often) i find a place & it leads to another & i can't find where i was or how to get back there....so i can be reached at [e-mail] - i go there everyday but may not find my way back here....TTYL

[spedteach]

Hi! I, too, have suffered from depression for a long, long time. Being lonely is really hard to deal with. So, is trusting people after you have been hurt. I can understand both of that. I am not in the LGBT community, but can believe that it holds it own set of difficulties. I have only been on this sight for a couple of months and it has helped me already. Good Luck!

[Crimson_Rose]

Hello. I'm going to say my story and I hope it will let you see that you have people who understand what your going through to some extent. I am 17 years old. I have been bullied so much I went to the hospital in 2nd grade because one of my classmates broke my arm to 'teach me a Lesson'. When I was 8 my grandfather passed away who raised me, my actual father divorced my stepmother who I've know as mom my entire life. At the age of 8 I lost 3 grandfathers, 7 aunts, 2 uncles, 12 cousins in the time span of one year. At the age of 9 my mother a father were in the middle of a custody battle over me. After about a year my father changed. At the age of 11 my father one the battle Eben though I told the judge that I didnt want to life with him. At the age of 11 my father sent me to therapy and got me diagnosed with Hi polar. When I was 11-13 years old my father sent me to 3 mental hospitals to control me and put me on 7 pills in the morning and 10 at night. Through the 3 years I lived with my father I was a zombie. He mentally abused me for almost my entire life. At the age of 13 i lost my first love to suiside. Then at 14 I moved back in with my mother and found out she had a baby. I had a baby sister. I was so lost I didnt know what to do. At 15 I found out my grandmother had stage 3 cancer. She died 3 months later in my arms. At the age of 15 that same year I got kidnapped, druged and raped by 20+ men over a two day three night time period. No one knew where I was or if I was alive. I managed to escape before they sold me to the sex trade. After that happened my nightmares and flashbacks got so bad I had to move to another state. At the age of 16 my mother was pregnant with my baby brother and two months after he was born CPS took him from us because he fell out of his stroller on hardwood laminate flooring and got a slight bride on his forhead and said that either their father or I was beating them to death. We got my brother back after 2 months of fighting. Now fast forward to the present. A few months ago my mother and my siblings father started to get a divorce. Their father told my mother that she had 30 days to get a job, a new place to live, and to take care of 3 kids, me included, with no help from him. Around the same time me and my mother had an argument in the middle of a Walmart and was told she has the same cancer my grandmother had and found out she's had it since she was pregnant with my brother. After the 30 days were up, me, my mom, and my siblings were sent to a homeless shelter. My mother still didnt have a job or a place for us to live. We lived there for a few weeks. I am a senior in high school and I watch my 4 year old sister and 1 year old brother everyday and am raising them because their father can't. I understand what it feels like to be hurt beyond repair. I know what it feels like staring at a river and wondering if you finally have the guts to jump. I understand what it feels like to be abandoned and used and thrown away like a gum wrapper. I may not understand exactly everything you went through but I do understand that some people need to hear. Its ok to cry. Its not going to be ok for a while. Your going to hurt more than you will not hurt. You are not worthless or nothing. You are you. You are what you mold yourself to be. I understand that you probably heard this before but think of this. I'm a complete stranger and I say that if I care there must be someone standing right next to you who does too. You just need to do what humans do best. Strive. And yes you are a human. You are a person with your own thoughts and opinions. You are not trash. You are not worthless and nothing. You are a gift. You just have to decided what kind of a gift you believe you are.

[BonnieSue in reply to Crimson_Rose]

Wow, is that some excellent sharing and befriending, Crimson_Rose! You sound wonderfully astute despite the crummy, horrendous things that have happened to you. You shine!!

[shannon_nicole777]

Go to this site, you can find a therapist in your area and they will work with you on payments etc. Please at leeast look into it. Counseling really helped me thru a rough time. Www.psychologytoday.com

Good luck and I hope you get feeling better soon!