So sick of feeling lost

[melbee01]

I am new here, hoping to relate to others feeling this way. I have had 6 different jobs working for 6 different companies in the past 4 years. 4 years ago, my best friend and father of my 2 boys died by suicide. I decided to quit my full time job to consult so I could be flexible with my schedule. I am now worried I made the wrong decision. I haven't had health insurance, so now I am more in debt then ever before. My brother died a year after my ex died from a car accident and my mother passed when I was 23 due to liver failure (she was an alcoholic). I am sick of not knowing what my purpose is (being a mom is obvious) for this life. I am not happy with my job, wasn't happy when I had a full time job. I only do it so I am not forced to move out of the house I purchased 4 years ago. If I go to school again, I am more in debt, but I can't start over or I will lose my house. My youngest is 9 and I tell myself to stick this miserable job until he graduates from college, otherwise they suffer. I try and fulfill my life with hobbies, friends, family, but I get overwhelmed by it all, feel like it's one sided, and start this feeling sorry for myself all over again. It's a never ending cycle and I just don't know what to do anymore. I want a stable life, know where I'm going, and what the hell I'm doing here. Thanks for listening to my vent.

[Casper22337281919]

Hey feel free to message me if you want to talk

[Hidden]

Hi,

So Much of you feel is what I feel, though I can't say the same for the experiences you have had. Trauma is a huge milestone that feels like a boulder you are trying to move up a mountain. The past can't be changed either. All you can do is look ahead and keep going. What helps get you through is the positive things you got going and build more with others. Speaking as a single man with no kids other than my pets which I love greatly, the love of your children is a Great Positive thing. Reaching out to others on here building toward yet another positive is also a great stride. I think the company of others that are going through the same things will help keep you grounded and lift your spirits. I certainly admire and believe you to be a strong person to have gone as far as you have. Should you feel lost and have doubts others and including myself will come forward. Feel free to private message me too if you need talk or if you just simply want conversation.

[melbee01 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the kind words

[Sabio77]

melbee01. I am sorry you are going thru a tuff time. you are not alone. glad you reached out here. It sounds like you are a good mom and trying to do the right thing. try texting this confidential anonymous # "care" to 839863. also try to hang in there at the job for your son. hugs of encouragement.

[melbee01 in reply to Sabio77]

Thank you for the kind words and tip. I tend to be shy about this stuff and don't want people to think I don't care by not responding. I am so socially awkward and hope I will get better. Everyone seems so kind and supportive here. Thanks again!

[Sabio77 in reply to melbee01]

anytime, I am here for you.