recurring nightmare

[NylaCAT]

For the past two nights, I've had a very vivid nightmare about running away from sexual assault. The first night, it was a stranger. The second night, it was a family member who was close in age to me. When I woke up yesterday, I wrote down my real-life sexual assault experiences. All of them were from children in my age group, one slightly older. I believe it's why I've struggled with shyness and shame for so long because I never talked about it with a parent or even my therapist when I was in therapy.

I've been feeling melancholy since these dreams and just trying to piece together why I had the dream and if it's related to any discomfort with trauma.

I think I know why it's coming up now, though, because there is a man I went out with twice who keeps trying to get me to come to his place so soon. It's probably triggering feelings of being powerless and coerced. He is just so disrespectful to belittle me like this.

I get such a bad feeling that if I go to see him, he will push hard for sex. I can feel it in my intuition. I know I won't be going to see him again unless it's on another public date, but I just wish I could make him feel how I'm feeling.

Doesn't he understand that a woman can not just go to a man's hotel? And what about his safety? He barely knows me, and he doesn't even reside in this country full-time. I'm just ranting and putting these pieces together. I hate how men just play these games knowing damn well men are dangerous, and women have no business trusting them before they prove themselves trustworthy.

[Ellamaye]

That's so amazing that you shared . Especially when you haven't even talked about your experience in therapy. You seem to know yourself quite well and your dreams may be warning you of danger . Trust is earned and you should only do what your comfortable with x don't ignore your dreams your subconscious is clearly telling you your not over your past maybe consider trying therapy again? If your not ready for that then wrong stuff down is good like you said you have been doing and you can say whatever you feel on here . I have and have never received any judgement or uncomfortable questions.

[IncognitoC]

please trust your intuition, your wellbeing and safety is important and he should respect that. If he is not willing to respect that you are not ready or comfortable with going to any kind of area that is not in public view then he is definitely not for you.

[NylaCAT in reply to IncognitoC]

yeah because he's basically like I'm not taking you out again until you come to my hotel and have a “weekend getaway” and I told him we will do that once we get to know each other better. Then I talked to my friend about it and that same night I have a nightmare about running away from sexual assult.

[IncognitoC in reply to NylaCAT]

Stick to your gut feeling. No one should be giving ultimatums like that. If you are having nightmares about it before anything happens I would think you will only freak out if you were to go with him.

[Sunrisetabby]

I sincerely hope that you are able to get back into therapy. Those experiences sound horrible and your recovery from the trauma would certainly be aided by assistance from experts, including for potential legal charges against the individuals that have assaulted you. Sexual assault is sexual assault. If the individuals that assaulted you were under 18, you can absolutely still file charge. I hope you are strong enough to report the assaults to your parents or other adults or experts that you trust and can you help.

I also encourage you not to go on a date, even if in public, with anyone that is disrespectful and belittles you. Sending positive wishes for strength to you. I hope you are able to get help.

[Lostintheworld]

Don't go out with him again!

[MaggieSylvie]

If you hardly know this man you should not date him again. He is co-ercing you. I had something happen to me once and the man explained: Because I was so friendly and smiley, he thought I might like to have sex with him! The answer to that is to be watchful of ourselves and not be too friendly in situations that do not require it - i.e. with a tradesman coming to the house to do work. I don't know whether a therapist would have given you this kind of information but it could be the reason why we attract certain men. I'm too old for all that now, but it still happens!

[Kinlay]

First of all, thank you for sharing! As a victim of childhood sexual abuse (as it appears you were), I can totally relate. And yes, the situation with this man clearly is triggering things. DO NOT go out with him again, even in public, because he will keep pressuring you and it is possible he will say just the right thing and then you will find yourself in just the wrong situation. Believe me, I ended up in some very dangerous situations when I was trying to bury my trauma and in some warped way replace those memories with new memories of sex that would be better... but too often weren't.

I also highly recommend talking with your therapist, or if you aren't currently in therapy, starting again. Your subconscious is telling you that you are ready to process what happened to you, and the best way to do that is by talking to a professional. Good luck and best wishes!

[hypercat54]

Hi NylaCAT I have come in late to the party but am sending you an alert hoping you see it.

I have to add my voice to the others and I completely agree with all of them.

Do not have any contact with this man again - under any circumstances. And if you have to see him make sure its in public with other around so he can't play his games.

He is just another guy who pressurises us to have sex by emotional blackmail. Us women have all experienced that.

You don't owe this guy anything and he doesn't have any rights to do what he wants unless you do too. You belong to yourself and not to anyone else.

Stay clear and run a mile. Look after yourself.