Please help. This is a nightmare

[Against_the_current]

Please help. This family is destructive. There's always trouble. Mom's now scolding us that uncle send candy. That's not a reason to scold us. "Why didn't he send you something more?! Doesn't he love you?!". Well, *****, i dunno, but it's unfair that he sent us just candy and we have no control over him. Why is mom keeping us responsible for dad and dad's family?! They hurt us and now she keeps me responsible for them hurting us. I'm just grateful for the candy. I have no control over uncle or anyone. But when i try to talk to her, she gets upset "You only love to hate me, critise me, spit on me". And my sister is Yelling all the time because she's a teenager upset by this family. And more there are always troubles and they're always upset. Mom hit sis accidentaly while she was doing a Christmas card and sis got upset because she was putting efforts and mom just got defencive again. This family is a living nightmare. How to not have anxiety? And i'm too deabilitated to move out. And there's no proper help. I tried multiple psychologists and psychiatrists, they don't care and make it worse. I'm too overwhelmed to search right now. And i can't talk with them, nobody in this damn family understands. It only gets worse.

[The_Color_Blue]

I'm so profoundly sorry. I wish I could take you away from there. Your frustration, anxiety, and stress make sense. And to be honest, it's incredibly difficult to heal when you are in an environment that continues to traumatize you. At that point, it's called survival.

Is there any recourse for you? Perhaps you and your sister could move out? She could help care for you and you would, in turn, provide with an environment that is safe from physical and mental/emotional abuse? Are there any government run programs that would provide a caregiver for you (so you could move out and still be cared for)? Is there research we can do in this regard? I see that you're profile lists your location as Bulgaria. I must admit, I am not well versed in Bulgarian social programs or how they might work.

Do you feel like you're in physical danger? Do you feel as though standing up for yourself (with your mother or anyone else) would risk putting you in danger? I ask because there are certainly strategies you can use to mentally distance yourself from an abusive person. Doing this may help reduce the anxiety, but it's only worth trying if doing this won't put you at risk for greater harm.

[Against_the_current in reply to The_Color_Blue]

There's no good programs here, she even uses them to Treat us like "If you keep on being this ungrateful i will give you to the social worker" or "shut up or they're gonna take you". In this country this isn't an option, it would make things worse and both of them would be mad at me

[DodgeDhanda]

Hi Glonk.

Have you , your mom & sis looked into family therapy ? Sis is acting out as she sees her mom acting out . Maybe you remind mom of your dad & that's why she gets so angry so quick & my friend you have every right to protect yourself & be upset but I feel you are all aiming your pain at hurting each other & that needs to stop & you all need to get family counselling to get to the root of the issues. I can understand u & sis anger if all you get from mom is painful & hurtful words .

Maybe she has moved on from the break up from your dad but if she doesn't get help for herself & how to deal with it , I can say she will drive you both away & then there is a chance that she will blame both of you later.

I could be completely wrong but professional help is a good thing ,speak to your doctor about it & how it affects you & is there any family therapy groups near where you live.

I wish you luck & hope you get the loving family you want & need & what candy dud Uncle send ?

[Against_the_current in reply to DodgeDhanda]

They don't want to go to therapy. Even when i go to therapy it's secret. And here we don't have such good therapists. And they can't tolerate the discomfort. Therapy would open wounds we couldn't heal. And i'm so mad that dad did this to us and mom's upset at us because of him and we're left without a family but with enemies. It's a warzone home and this applies. Once i was at therapy with dad and it was the worst thing ever, i suffered so much and he left feeling he's right. The therapist was alful. When i was school my parents talked to my psychologist then and she just said "You can argue at home, i'm done listening to you"

[DodgeDhanda in reply to Against_the_current]

I'm so so sorry & I'm sorry I can't give you any glimmerof hope as I've never experienced what you are experiencing. I hope someone else can help you.

I'm surprised others are OK with being so unhappy. Again I'm sorry I don't have any other suggestions . Please stay in touch , even if it'd just to chat & let things of your chest.

[Against_the_current in reply to DodgeDhanda]

Yeah, just like Luna_Child said it, sometimes i just need to see someone cares

[Against_the_current]

Omg, thanks Luna! 💕🌙

[Against_the_current]

Oh thank you so much 😭. When your own family is a battlefield you feel so alone, espessially seeing everyone with their happy families

[Melancholy12]

Take care of you! Your mom and sis should be in therapy. Distance yourself as much as possible exercise get fresh air journal do creative things. Plan on moving out - seek school job friends! I grew up in a dysfunctional home also - 14 to 21 nightmare! You will get through this! Best of luck!

[Against_the_current in reply to Melancholy12]

Thanks. They don't want to be in therapy 😭

[Against_the_current]

Maybe. I am not allowed too but i have nothing else and that's why i do it in English

[Against_the_current]

They can't tolerate discomfort. Also therapists here are terrible. I'm scared they need it it means they're not okay. And they refuse to. And even If they wanted to, it would hurt more

[Against_the_current]

Good morning. They don't have this level of english, mom doesn't speak it at all and i don't think in this country could work. Also they don't want to. And i'm just worried about them because everyone tell me they should go to therapy but they don't want to. And i can't force them. Nor i have nerves, time and money to search for a therapist for them. I'm already overwhelmed. I'm already broke and overwhelmed just from buying gifts. I want to scream

[Against_the_current]

Thanks, i will do it. Thank you so much, Luna! 💕

[Arymretep]

Great advice 👍

[Against_the_current]

Can i make such a list now? I need it