My nightmares are my realities

I've been so sleep deprived that I fell asleep this afternoon on the couch in the middle of watching television. All I did was throw my head back and I was gone. I guess my exhaustion just caught up with me

I know I went into REM because I had dreams. I remember having two separate dreams, or what I perceived to be separate dreams, but could have been more. I just don't remember more than those two. Must have been asleep for close to 2 hours.

I've been feeling extremely uneasy with high anxiety since I woke up from that nap. I can trace my anxiety back to those two dreams. I absolutely loath sleeping. Nothing more in the world that I hate than the act of sleeping. This is where I live my worst life. My nightmares are my realities

[Hidden]

Oh wow, that's rough. I've never run into anybody who hates sleeping. Can I ask why you hate it? Is it because of the nightmares you mention?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Unfortunately I've been plaqued by nightmares. Started about 2 years ago. So I've developed a fear of going to sleep because I anticipate having nightmares. In the evening I start to develop high anxiety because I realize it's getting closer to bedtime.

Tonight is a great example.... It's currently 640 AM here and I still haven't been to sleep. I have plenty of sleep meds available but I have to take a higher dosage than recommend just to calm down enough to shut down. Even then it's only for a few hours before I start having nightmares. I don't take the meds often because they're highly addictive

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Oh, geez. Can I ask if you are getting some trauma therapy or something for it? Like, I'm wondering if EMDR or something similar can re-wire the brain to associate sleep with good memories. Let me know if mentioning this is overstepping boundaries.

Lack of sleep is very serious and messes with our entire system. I went without sleep for about 7-8 months several years ago. It was Hell on Earth.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

No my friend, you're not overstepping. I appreciate the questions because you never know who's reading these posts and responses. Our conversation can help someone out there who may be afraid to interact.

I'm in the New York Tri-state area and unfortunately my current Medicare plan makes it extremely difficult to obtain more intense therapy. With each visit to a doctor or facility there are co-pays I can't afford.

I stopped seeing my psychiatrist and psychologist because I could not afford both. Medication hasn't worked in years so now I only go to my GP for whatever I need. But understandably he's very careful with his prescription pad.

Sadly my previous psychiatrist did not survive the pandemic. The last conversation we had was about the possibility of shock therapy, that is until I called Medicare to find out what it would cost me out of pocket. Needless to say that was the end of that journey

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You're welcome about the questions. Do you know how to lock posts? Locking it means that only members of this community can see it. If it's public, it's available for the entire internet. Before you post, there are two options at the bottom that says, "everyone" or "community only". Unfortunately, "everyone" is the default option, so you'll want to change that by clicking on the drop-down menu and selecting the other option -- "community only".

Aww, I'm sorry to hear about your previous psychiatrist. I really wish something could be done for you. Our bodies need rest for SO many reasons.

That's the thing about sleep meds. They are extremely addictive.

Here's some alternative remedies I use:

-Dr. Hauschka product called Moor Lavender Calming Body Oil. It is fast-working for me. It calms me down and makes me sleepy. I get it at a health food store.

-Some essential oils help calm as well. Lavender and Peppermint are my go-tos. My husband read about how White Chestnut essential oil can help calm the mind as well.

-I also find Valerian root good at calming me down.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I appreciate that information..... I'll definitely research it

[AnxiousSilver]

Don't mind me, I'm just brainstorming, just "trying" to throw anything on the table. (to help)

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Would watching something on YouTube that is either positive or relaxing help? (as you lull off to sleep)

Sometimes my dreams (good or bad) happen from something that I was watching on TV earlier.

[Hidden in reply to AnxiousSilver]

I never really gave that much thought. Sometimes I'm so exhausted that simple thinking becomes difficult. But, I'm a firm believer in the power of suggestion. This is why I try not to watch depressing videos on YouTube. So I don't see why the opposite wouldn't work. I'm going to give it a try tonight, nothing to lose if it doesn't work

[AnxiousSilver in reply to Hidden]

I wish nothing but the best for you, and I hope that it works out.