Why do I suffer????

[Not_Free]

I'm not doing well at all. I'm a mess. I feel invisible to the people I live with. Some do seem to snub me because they don't know what to do with me. My depression is too much for them and, honestly, it's too much for me.

I want to be happy. This has been my battle cry. I've always considered myself a Christian (Catholic) and quite devout. But I am even questioning the existence of God. I have always believed ... but why does He allow this suffering????? I try to be a good person and do all the things expected of me ... Yet, this suffering doesn't go away ... God won't show up.

[Thistooshallpass7]

this makes me so sad. Sorry you are going through this. As a Christian it’s easy to question God because of what we are going through but try to keep reading his word. You’re not alone

[Not_Free in reply to Thistooshallpass7]

That's what I keep being told ... but I just feel like this is some kind of cruel game.

[Artistfriend]

I'm sorry you're suffering, are you getting help? There's probably other reasons besides God for your depression, it doesn't mean you're not a good person, good people suffer just like anyone, I don't know why but it's part of the life equation on earth

[Not_Free in reply to Artistfriend]

I have a therapist (she's currently on vacation). I'm afraid someone is going to institutionalize me if I open up too much.

[Deepsee]

I was taught in meditation classes that the root of suffering is attachment. Meditation practice (for me that is learning to place my awareness on what is happening, without judgement, until it passes) has helped me find refuge from my suffering. Not that suffering has all but gone, but my relationship to it has changed. I am able to see it for what it is and offer myself compassion while in it until it as all things do, pass. Slowly getting clearer on what is causing the suffering also helps. If there is an attachment to some idea or expectation or narrative one might consider the attachment and if it is able to be released or turned over to God so we dont have to consciously carry the weight. Another thought.. be well

[Not_Free in reply to Deepsee]

What kind of meditation? Is there a method of some kind?

[raisin44]

I have major depression and suffer a lot. People don’t understand what I go through. I have been very upset that God is not helping me. Why is he allowing me to suffer so long. I’m a mess.

[Not_Free in reply to raisin44]

Couldn't have said it better myself. I'm sorry for your pain.

[Hidden in reply to raisin44]

He is helping, you found this forum and community that is or has been where your at. I too have suffered with MDD treatment resistance depression most of my life. The depression is what's speaking not you, it just feels that way. Different things work for some and not others. Something may work for a little while and later stops working. You just have to find what work's best for you. There really is no right or wrong. Just remember your not alone in this. Self-care is very important in the getting better. If you need a therapist to help you through this time I encourage you to talk with them. If you don't have one there are also online therapist's who may be a help also. This will pass and you will get better in time.

[sabres4love]

I can sympathize with everything you said. I have been an anxious mess for months now over a certain situation with no end in sight. I do believe in the power of prayer and that God listens/answers our prayers; sometimes it takes a lot longer than we want or it isn't the answer we were hoping for. But I question WHY he is putting me thru such pain?! Can't he help me out somehow?! I hope we can both find some relief very soon. 🙏🤗

[Not_Free]

I wish I did believe in the power of prayer. It would give me hope. It seems like He doesn't hear me ... or maybe He just doesn't care. That hurts more. I don't want false hope. I'm tired of clinging to something/someone who may or may not be there ... who may or may not care.

[sabres4love in reply to Not_Free]

Even though I believe in the power of prayer, I wish I had more hope about what I am dealing with. I know He is listening...but I also know He has his own plans for us/reasons for doing everything. I just wish I knew what the plan was/WHY I am going thru this so I could feel more hope. Right now I feel like it will NEVER end. So I get what you are saying. I do believe He cares, however.

[Not_Free]

I suppose I do deep down. But the pain is so bad. I appreciate your taking the time to post. It gives me pause ...

[Not_Free]

I can't bring myself to stop. Somehow it's the only hope I have left.