I Dont know why

[StormChaser43]

I dont expect any of you to answer. Or know what to say. My husband cheated on me last year. You may have seen me post about that once. We went to church and had counseling with the pastor. We started dating. But he would not be intimate with me. And he still wont. He stopped counseling he does not take me out. He always puts work and everyone but God and me first. I am lonely in my marriage. He sleeps all of the time with these stupid 3rd shift hours. Hes doing it more than he did when he started this position over a year ago. We never have alone time and he pisses me off alot. He does not help around the house but manages to do all of these stupid projects at work making things for people who are leaving. I am getting so sick of it all. But leaving, would crush out 7 almost 8 year old daughter. I'm swallowing my tears because I do not want to cause her to have an episode of CVS. Which could happen. I'm a stay at home Mom with no life. No friends. My daughter is all I have. And God. I'm sorry just needed to vent because hes gof me mad right now. I dont know what the best thing for all of us is. My dad tells me to work on me and remember my vows. And when he says that all I want to do is scream that I did not cheat. My vows have always been in the front of my Damn mind. Time to go my daughter is in here.

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry. This sounds really rough and it makes me so sad to hear about how hard it’s been. I will definitely be praying for you. Maybe reaching out to your pastor again to seek counsel for your own well being would be good even if your husband won’t right now. You deserve self-care and support!

[Hidden]

I understand where you are right now. I have my 2 daughter's and my dad, who has a lot on his plate. I'm lonely too. My husband is thinking of divorcing me and im devastated. I am trying to help myself, but im so scared. My girls are everything to me. Your child needs and loves you. Let that help you along with knowing God is with you. He's withme too. I'm here if you ever want to talk. I could really use a friend right now.

[StormChaser43 in reply to Hidden]

You definitely have a friend in me. Maybe we can lean on each other.

[Mfgha6843]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. All I can say is sometimes the best and healthiest thing to do isn’t the easiest thing. I am currently going through a divorce (very amicable thankfully) and it hard on the kids (they are 2 and 4) but I know in the long run this is the best decision. Kids can sense tension and unhappiness and it will effect how they view and handle relationships in the future. Children are better off with happy parents (separated or married). Just my opinion.

I know it is very hard and scary to think about. I also went from being a stay at home mom to working mom and it was hard, but you can do it. You can fight for you and your daughters happiness.

Sorry for the long rant. I guess I have personal experience now, my mom stayed with my dad only because of me and my brother and it has really messed me up and contributed to the demise of my own marriage.

I hope things get better for you, I’m here anytime you want to talk.

[StormChaser43 in reply to Mfgha6843]

I am sorry you are going through what you are. Looks like I found a topic I am definitely not alone in.

Lately, I have been trying extra hard to swallow the feelings I have. My daughter does need her Dad. Hes the one that cares for her when she Is having a Cyclic Vomitting Syndrome episode. She does not want me around for that because she knows my fear. I think sometimes maybe it would be best but then I think how would we survive. Where would I go. My family is in the next state over. I wouldnt want to stay here. And this would be my 2nd failed marriage. I get so mad because why did he do this to us. I know it's not my fault in what he chose but I do know there were problems between us and some of that was me.

[Hidden]

How do you journal?

[StormChaser43 in reply to Hidden]

You can either do it in a notebook or they have journaling apps for your phone. You right your feelings out each day and work on what your thoughts are. You can write goals to achieve within these. Get rid of the bad pick 3 good things a day to be happy about. That's how I do it. I always like to write 3 blessings I have or see after writing all the bad.

[Hidden in reply to StormChaser43]

Ok, im going to try it. Do you feel it helps?

[StormChaser43 in reply to Hidden]

I will tell you what works better for me. Is if I write all of the bad like a letter to whomever could be involved and then either burn it up or tie it to a balloon and let it go. After my Mom died it took me several years for depression of her death to really settle in. I found a counselor a d she told me to do that. Write all of the hurt down and I tried it to a balloon and set it free. It felt good to some extent. Now, it took me until last year after finding out my husband was cheating for me to pray and tell my Mom I had to let her go. She died in 2005 and the grief was finally swallowing me up after my daughter was born in 2010. It was taking me away from my husband and my daughter. I told my Mom God promised we will see each other again as long as I believe in Jesus as my Lord and Saviour, ask Him into my life and start following Him. I told her I would always love her but I had to move on. It was a breakthrough for me. I still have moments where I miss her and cry but not as bad as I used to.

Oh, and after you write all of the bad out and send it up the journal is written in only nurturing positive thoughts. Having depression and anxiety it's easy to negative talk and self doubt. When you switch it and write so you can reread that instead of the negative it really makes a difference

[StormChaser43]

I'm glad it worked out for you. That's what I was told by family I need to do. Not worry about the marriage as much and work on myself. My Dad believes wholeheartedly that it will put be okay.

We had been going to counseling. But it was with a Pastor. People I know said we should go to an actual counselor though that would know how to work things out even more. And maybe I even need it outside of him.

[Mfgha6843]

I understand where you are coming from. When I imagined myself getting married I truly believed that it would last forever, the fact that that is not my reality can be hard for me to deal with some days. I felt (and still feel) so much shame and embarrassment when he asked for the divorce, and dreaded talking to anyone I knew about it because it was so painful and I felt like such a failure.

Your daughters health issues are certainly a factor, and no one truly knows the situation and the best course of action but you and your husband. I myself chose to move away and live with my ex husbands family for support when we split. I knew I couldn’t have moved on if I stayed close to him. I hope you know how strong you are and that if it came to it, you would be able to survive and take care of your daughter. Being a mother has given me so much strength to overcome obstacles and better myself.

I think as you continue to go to counseling it will help you figure out the best decision for everyone. I hope things improve and you and your family!

[MrsMinx]

I'm sorry about your loneliness. I know it can't be easy. Your Dad is right. You need to focus on you-your emotional & physical health and especially your spiritual health because it is from their that all your feelings will flow.

Sometimes all you can do is wait. And pray. And continue living.

You cannot change your husband but you can change how you choose to respond to his behaviour.

You are going through a "winter" season in your marriage, but be hopeful. Spring always comes! God Bless

[StormChaser43 in reply to MrsMinx]

I love Spring, it cannot get here fast enough. Fall and winter are always hard on me. I'm thinking about trying Light therapy. To see if that helps