I dont know what to do anymore.

[Tjgg]

Hi there!

I just need to scream and let things out. I feel nobody understands me and feel lonely. I got to the point where I feel God is not listening to my prayers and that he will punish me with an illness and die soon. I've been struggling with anxiety for 5 months now and I feel I will never be the same again. I suffer from health anxiety and OCD. My stomach is going crazy and I am in so much pain (lower abdominal pain) I'm always googling syntoms and its not helping at all because it all leads to cancer. This month i believe i have ovarian or cervical cancer since the pains are in my lower abdomen and feel like menstrual cramps. This makes me feel so sad that I just want to be in bed all day. I know I am ok because I got blood work and everything looks good. My doctor told me not to worry about syntoms to be related to cancer because it will show in my red blood and white blood cells and mine look great. The abdominal pain comes and goes, when I dont have any physical syntoms i am great but when I do my life is miserable. I can not stop worrying about dying and leaving my kids behind. I went back to my doctor because of the pain, she referred me to a GI doctor and recommended a CT scan. I am so afraid of getting my CT scan and finding I have something mayor. I want to go to the GI doctor but my other me tells me not to because he is going to do a colonoscopy and tell me I'm dying. I feel so tired of fearing death, doctors, labs, etc. I. Tired and frustrated of my anxiety. I'm not happy anymore and I dont know what to do. My psicologyst referred me to a psychiatry to talk about meds. Right now I'm taking only herbal teas, and drops. I take melatonin to sleep, calm, magnesium, and a mixture of teas to help me calm down. I feel like there is always something going on. I'm starting to believe that this stomach pains are because of my anxiety but again, my other me tells me I'm wrong and that I really have something going on. Has anyone ever felt this way before? What did you do to escape from this? I just feel I'm going crazy and I want to enjoy life again.

[moonbloom]

Hi Tjgg,

It can be scary, frustrating, and lonely to go through anxiety and to feel so afraid all the time, but you're not alone in this. Has your psychiatrist tried any cognitive behavioral therapy with you? If not, maybe asking to try some techniques out could help. There's also a book called Overcoming Health Anxiety: Letting Go of Your Fear of Illness that you may find helpful. While there is a possibility that your stomach issues could be due to illness, it is also very likely that they could be caused by your anxiety. Anxiety and stress can affect our bodies in so many ways from headaches, stomach cramps, vomiting, chest pains, dizziness, fatigue, you name it. Does anything relieve your stomach pain like a warm bath? Do things make it worse like eating certain foods? Maybe keeping a journal of this could help you learn ways to manage the pain. I suffer from death anxiety, and while I do sometimes feel afraid, focusing on a goal for the day and really throwing myself into an activity can be a good distraction for me. One last suggestion could be to talk to a pastor or spiritual counselor, especially if your concerns about your faith are making things feel worse for you.

I hope this helps some.

[Tjgg in reply to moonbloom]

I will follow your advice and talk to a pastor, that might help. I know my stomach pains are mainly because of anxiety and I have noticed that my stomach hurts more when I'm stressed. I am just tired of feeling things that triggers my anxiety. Thanks for taking the time to reply

[Hannah712]

Hi you are not alone , you are valuable and you are not crazy. I have suffered from similar things as well - I had heart palpitations at night for several weeks and was certain I was going to die in my sleep. I went to the doctor finally and yes I was petrified but it turned out to be a mixture of stress and too much caffeine. There is nothing structurally wrong with any part of me. First of all DO NOT GOOGLE ANYTHING. It is very hard to not do this , FORCE YOURSELF not to . If you are afraid find someone to talk to or do something to distract yourself. Sometimes if I am able I will get in the car and get a decaf iced coffee at Dunkin’ - just a short drive makes me feel better and I like the coffee . “Window shopping “ helps me too . I’ll go to even just Walmart and look at stuff , clothes whatever .

You said God doesn’t hear your prayers , he does. It may not feel like it but he does - Mother Theresa said in letters published after her death that she didn’t feel God for 50 years . I often don’t feel God myself and it’s awful but I have stuck to my faith. When I feel like he doesn’t hear me I read psalms - David felt that way too - if you can’t settle your brain to read then get a notebook and pick a psalm and just copy it .

I tried meds and they helped for a time but eventually after 20 years it was making things worse for me so I stopped them . If your doctor says to try meds then try them but be smart about it - ask what they will do for you and to you and how long they can safely be taken. Do therapy WITH the meds. That is what helps me but it’s been many years of hard work and it starts with you believing that you CAN and WILL be ok. Don’t give up on you and don’t give up on God ❤️

[Tjgg in reply to Hannah712]

Thank you so much! I guess I feel this way about God because he has showed me he is here and that he was listening at that time. But now is like there is no one there! Like I know he is real, I know he listens, but I just dont feel him, it's like if something is missing. I'm not giving up, I still read my bible every night but going to church makes me even more anxious ( its weird) thanks for taking the time to write back!

[Hannah712 in reply to Tjgg]

Message anytime 😊

[weegmack in reply to Tjgg]

Bless, you - I totally understand what you’re going through. It’s like we’re twins. I too feel that every symptom I have means something catastrophic. I also feel like God isn’t hearing me at all. And the punishment thing - yup, I think that a lot.

But, I am totally with Hannah712 - everything this lovely lady says is true. I have fallen into the googling symptoms trap and it is a nightmare. My doctor has actually banned me from googling symptoms, but it take me a lot of willpower not to do it! Anxiety can make us very ill. The whole digestive system is like another brain - just as complex. So it will respond to anxiety and stress with pain, upset tummies, cramps, IBS.

The reason you are worrying that God may punish you, is because you have stopped loving yourself. It all comes down to low self-esteem. But God loves you, warts and all! He knows where you are right now and nothing can get in the way of His love. It’s just so hard to feel it, believe it, know it when you’re so anxious. Message me anytime. Xx

[hypercat54]

Hi I think it's obviously that your self treatment isn't actually working and that you need to accept medical help. Meds and/or counselling should be able to help a lot with your anxiety so why not accept it? x

[Tjgg in reply to hypercat54]

I do accept it, I'm going to a psicologyst for anxiety and OCD. I'm just not taking mede because y psicologyst says i dont need the pills right now

[tlf777]

You are experiencing a lot at once, and I can only imagine how frustrating and overwhelming it seems. A bunch of people have addressed the physical aspect of your pain, so I would like to talk about the spiritual. I see that you read your Bible (awesome)...if there are times when you are experiencing panic, I truly have found a calmly influence from listening to "The Daily Audio Bible." When I have to do something, it is nice hearing the Word in the background. I saw that you get anxiety from going to church, but have you thought of taking the first step and listening to a service online? I've also learned (am learning) that my feelings are indicators I cannot ignore, but sometimes I give them too much voice in my life.

"Everything is necessary that God sends. Nothing can be necessary that God withholds."

- John Newton

[Tjgg in reply to tlf777]

Thanks for taking the time to give me your advice! I will look it up and listen to them. Thank you so much