Getting worse

[Alexapal]

Things are falling apart I have a therapist factor nothing is working I have a boyfriend that says I am embarrassment and I am I don't do anything to better I don't move this fear j havd my mom cries I still can't snap out of it . I am glued to my bed!!°°°°°° I pray znx pray I get up and then I look at myself anx want to just give up life. I really miss who I was I was full of life. Please you are all so kind.

[gajh]

Hello. I just read through your other posts. A lot of people have replied to you. You have not responded to any of the replies. There are a lot of people reaching out to you who are willing to talk to you. You are not alone. We want to help you. We care. Let us help you. Talk to some of us more. Get our support. Please pick one of the replies to respond to and connect with someone who cares.

[Alexapal in reply to gajh]

Thank you for caring and this has been so hard I was a very healthy happy woman with problems but I had strength. All areas of my life are falling apart. I feel alone and broken I honestly don't have a way out. I am gaining wright from meds and my body and mind are just paralyzed with fear I sam scared of everything. I am smart so I know by not doing snytbing I am hurting myself. I worry about my mom. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I have too much to fix and now it's Christmas I am freaking out. I have never felt this way I am unable to do simple tasks.

[gajh in reply to Alexapal]

Do you have anyone who is supportive of you? Anyone you can reach out to?

[Alexapal in reply to gajh]

I really can't understand all of this. I love my mother and my boyfriend and the fact I am not waking up or trying scares me. I see no way out or light because of all the areas in my life are in turmoil.

[Alexapal in reply to gajh]

I have isolated from friends family. I have no real support system.

[LoveforAll41]

Hi Alexapal, I am so sorry that you are going through this. At a very low point I went to an inpatient treatment center and it helped. Expensive, but if the option is a $4000 bill or dead then I guess I will try it first.

There are lots of other options, ketamine therapy, EMDR, different modalities, different therapists. Don't give up. I also have times when the thought of taking a shower gives me the worst anxiety and terror... it is crazy. Know that your worth does not depend on doing or not doing anything. You have worth just existing. Also, you may want to evaluate your relationship if your boyfriend if he feels you are an "embarassment".

I wish you peace, hope, and strength.

[Alexapal in reply to LoveforAll41]

Thank you so much. I feel helpless. Is there a place in Mississauga Ontario? I searched.

[LoveforAll41 in reply to Alexapal]

edgewoodhealthnetwork.com/l...

There will probably have to be some shopping around to find the right place. I know I wasn't in a place to do that and my wife found a place for me. Maybe your therapist or someone could help with that? This is just what I was able to find with a quick search.

[Midori]

Personally, I would get rid of the boyfriend. He is doing absolutely Nothing to help you get better. He needs an attitude adjustment, and he seems selfish to me.

Now, to the rest of it. Hiding in bed is no good for you, you will be losing muscle tone and will eventually find out that you will not be able to move and then your muscles will contract, eventually leaving you looking like a spider. Not to mention pressure sores, Muscles need exercise in order to work as well as food. You need mental stimulation to stop you wallowing.

I have been in exactly that place and found from experience that laying around moping does not work. I had to use a wheelchair, but I was determined to get better as I had a prem. baby to live for.

I don't use a wheelchair any more. It lurks in the garage.

Sorry if I came on strong, but sometimes it needs someone to say how things really are.

Cheers, Midori

[Alexapal in reply to Midori]

I scared I am unable to do snything at all

[Midori in reply to Alexapal]

You Can do it. I have faith in you, you have friends here now to be your Cheerleaders.

Let us help, by sharing our own stories and tips which helped us.

Cheers, Midori

[Alexapal in reply to Midori]

It is like I know I have to get up but Won't it is s horrible situation thst I sm in. My mother is crying all the time but I know I sm making her health worse. I wing wake up i fear everything. I wzng this feeling g to end.

[Attaloss01]

Hi Alexapal. Oh I could just FEEL your pain as you described it.

Unfortunately people lose patience with suffering they don't understand. Remember please: other people's opinions do NOT define you ... including yours right now.

Don't believe those lies your head is telling you!

Try breaking life down into 'baby steps' and really congratulate yourself for taking one. You must get up to use the bathroom. Alright! That requires enormous energy! If you can get up and get dressed ... then, if you need to, get undressed and back into bed but PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK for that baby step! When no one is around, bring in the mail. Then pat yourself on the backxand reward yourself..

**As long as you don't hurt anyone or yourself GET MAD! You have an legit illness. It's not fair! Write out a bunch if swear words. Tear up any old books you don't want ... I mean really rip them up good, even if at first you don't feel the anger ... do it anyway. Anger that one feels they can't express can contribute to major depression. Even if you feel silly or guilty, when no one is around sweat outloud. Do it several different times. I mean SWEAR! Before long you will feel the energy shift inside.

I promise you will not feel this way forever. Yes, that's a promise.

Have you looked into group psychotherapy? Even though it will require large amounts of energy, may I suggest you check it out with your local Mental Health Clinic.

I have been as depressed as you are describing my friend. I did find that group therapy, as hard as it was to show up each time, did really help me. It takes time. It's a process and requires patience but I was surprised how much it helped me in the long run. Perhaps also you may need to have have your doctor or psychiatrist look into your medications. Your brain chemistry is all over the map and needs stabilizing. Everyone is different but I had to go thru several antidepressants until I found 2 that started to work after a month ir so: paroxatine and Wellbutrin. One complimented the other.

Do you have a local ' PCN', Primary Care Network? Not sure what country you are in. Here in Canada they offer, for $20, 8 week psycho-educational courses where you learn tools for managing depression and anxiety. It sounds like a lot so maybe just start with one thing. Make a couple of phone calls to find out what help is available. Then reward yourself.

BTW. You MIGHT want to tell your family that their attitudes are making you feel worse and that you ARE reaching out for help. I mean, you joined this group right?

Baby steps, self rewards and don't listen to that " Committee" in your head. They are liars. Keep talking my friend. The sun WILL shine again! If you've reached the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on! You are not alone anymore.

[Alexapal in reply to Attaloss01]

I am so scared and feel helpless and hopeless

[Alexapal in reply to Attaloss01]

I have been fighting for them to pug Mr on thd right meds but every area of my life is in turmoil. I won't get up to fo anything my life is falling apart around me.

[Attaloss01]

PS. I'd tune in that boyfriend of your's. Sorry. Just my thoughts.

[Attaloss01]

Alexipal. R u ok? Obviously not but I mean ... can you just say hi?

[Alexapal in reply to Attaloss01]

I am not ok I am suffering and I feel there is no way put of this pain I am in.

[Alexapal in reply to Attaloss01]

Thank you for caring. I want to snap out of this and I keep getting worse. All areas of my life are in turmoil.

[Midori in reply to Alexapal]

People who tell you to 'Snap out of it!' need a slap, in my opinion, That is the least helpful thing they can say. Of course you don't want to be depressed all the time, but it's not something you can just switch on or off.

Whether you know it or not, you came to us for help; now let us do just that by sharing our own experiences, because we have all been in your place, and have all improved by various ways and means.

Try a few of our tips. Can't hurt, and possibly could help immensely.

Cheers, Midori

[Alexapal in reply to Midori]

I feel like I don't have any control what is happening. I just lay here. I fight to get help from hospital doctors about meds and noone is really hearing me out. I hsve let myself go so far that every area of mh life I'd so hard to put back together i cxnt take care of mh mom. I can't even go do groceries. It is Christmas I cznt even dress or shop I am completely broken. There I'd something wrong.g with me.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Alexapal]

I have this on my screensaver.

.

[Midori]

It is not your fault, I think you may just be overwhelmed by it all.

Cheers, Midori