Getting worse and worse: I don't know... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

55,492 members55,721 posts

Getting worse and worse


I don't know what to do anymore. A week ago I moved to the US, to live in a small community in the national park and since I came here, I'm feeling more and more paranoid and depressed, I can't talk to any of my coworkers, because I'm on the edge of crying all the time, and I'm thinking of killing myself every day since I came here. The worst thing is, I can't leave this place until September (if I'll decide to quit this job, I'll get deported).

I find a little bit of comfort while staring at my phone and meaninglessly browsing stories, but hey, this is really unhealthy. Even drinking doesn't help, while it usually did in the past.

I think what got me paranoid is the fact that I'm trapped in here, and I can't leave as I please, also I have literally nobody to talk to in here.

I have had symptoms of depression and anxiety for over 10 years now (never diagnosed though, I had an awful experience with a counselor and I was too scared to try ever since). Anyways, do you guys know any ways I could make myself stop feeling like that? Once again, leaving this place is impossible, same as getting professional help - it's a middle of nowhere, and I can't afford online therapy.

24 Replies

Hi there, I’m really sorry to hear that you aren’t having a good experience here in the US. I’m here if you ever want to talk 😊

What are some things that you like to do and makes you happy??

ewaczty in reply to hb_kenzie

So I really don't know. I kinda enjoy hiking, which I'm planning to do as soon as I can, but everything feels kinda dull right now. I have no idea what makes me happy.

Thanks though

hb_kenzie in reply to ewaczty

No I know exactly what you mean. I love making soap and doing creative things but finding motivation to do those things is hard for me right now. I feel like I don’t have motivation for a lot anymore and it takes a lot of energy out of me and time to really get up and do what I love doing.

Were you not prepared before you left? Did you not want to come? Would you be happy Going back to your own country? Were you depressed before you came here? I'm just full of questions so that I can better understand your situation. I am truly sorry you are so miserable. Can you listen to music or read a book. Maybe you just need more time to adjust. Keep posting if it seems to help.

ewaczty in reply to Lyn842

Actually, I stopped wanting to come here like a couple months prior to my arrival. I've decided to come anyway, because I'd have lost a lot of money not coming, also it was the most convenient, since it was supposed to be my first step in my journey around the world.

I don't think I'd be happy going back to my country, I haven't been there for a while now. I've been living in the Netherlands before I came here, but my boyfriend sold our house and moved to Australia, so I have nothing to come back to. I'm guessing I could be happier working in a smaller community - right now I'm in a resort in the national park, but I can't really change my job.

Yeah, I've been depressed since I remember, basically, but I've never felt this bad in my entire life.

I'm sure I will feel better with time, it's just that I have no idea how to make myself feel better.

Thank you.

I think it may be that you are still dealing with with your depression and anxiety....No matter where you go it will still follow you ..having moved to another country, new people, New surroundings may be contributing towards your depression and anxiety..try and enjoy your new surroundings, explore maybe? to the locals, try and focus on your work..Time will go quick and before you know it you'll be out of there and you will realise that you didn't spend quality time in the new country..try and make the best..

ewaczty in reply to ellinaki

Yeah, you're right, recently I've been travelling quite a lot and hoping that a change of place will make me feel better, but I've been having a depressive episode everywhere I've been.

This one though is way worse than any of the previous ones.

I'm gonna try to spend quality time in here, but this is another thing that's freaking me out: I'm in such a beautiful place, there is so many activities I can do and I just can't make myself to do any of them.

ellinaki in reply to ewaczty

Yeah I know ..I've travelled around came back last year after four years of travelling and it all seems like a blink of an eylid...and now I'm regretting the time of my depression taking up all the those years didn't let me enjoy you your best.

Can I ask which resort you are in? I had a friend who lived at Yellowstone National Park for only 3 days and she was so anxious she had to come home early.

From her experience she felt trapped too. She felt like everyone already knew eachother and no one wanted any new friends. I’ve felt that way too.

Hiking will be good to get your mind off of things (it also will allow you to “escape” your resort which will make you feel less trapped). Drawing helps me calm down sometimes (who knows, maybe you’ll be drawing in the common room and someone who also draws will come and talk to you).

It’s hard when I’m feeling depressed to find any good in anything, but there is definitely good to be found. You’re in a National park and there is something there that people pay thousands of dollars to come and see. Try to take advantage of your current situation :)

ewaczty in reply to ReardenSt33l

Oh, I've been working in Yellowstone for 2 past seasons and it was just fine, currently, I'm in Grand Teton, and I just think this place is way too big for me.

I'd love to go out and hike whenever I can, but I don't have a car, and there are no trailheads where I am.

I don't know about drawing, I've been trying it before, but in the end, I couldn't even focus on it, it felt really dull as well.

ReardenSt33l in reply to ewaczty

Maybe just go for a walk in general? It may not be hiking but walking is good for you in general and may take the edge of.

If not drawing then there might be something else you could do.

-Learn a new language online

-write poetry

-take pictures

-read a new book

ewaczty in reply to ReardenSt33l

For sure, I've been actually trying to learn Dutch for a while, so I might go for it. Thank you so much.

I REALLY think you need some professional help. Life can be so much better than this. There must be a Dr. around there somewhere. Go see him/her and just give them the short version. Get on some kind of antidepressant and that will be the first step. Hopefully, you will start to feel better which will make it easier to take a hike or just basically cope with life. Its probably hard for you now to even boil an egg. Sure, it would be better if you could get therapy and see a Psychiatrist blah blah blah. Those options aren't available to you so this will have to do for the time being. My heart bleeds for you.


Wow, I am so sorry! It sounds like you are in a miserable situation! I'm sure that being somewhere different is kind of scary. And dear, I'm not so sure it is WHERE you are; it may be WHO you are. I am foreign (German) and living in the US has been extremely difficult for me. Although I was born in the US (Los Angeles, CA) my dad is from Germany and so is my mother. People here are just not the same as in other countries. My dad came here when he was 9 and school and making friends and learning English was extremely difficult for him. He got made fun of. My mom has also had social trouble. Please do not get me wrong, the US is a great place, (I currently reside in FL and like it here) but being different in ANY way, is very hard. I have an accent and I pronounce English words really awkward sometimes and I get made fun of. Not only that, I have a high-pitched, little girl voice and I sound like a 6-yr old. When solicitors call my house, and I say, "Hello?" They say, "Hi, honey, is your Mommy or Daddy home?" And I'm like "Um, I AM the Mommy!" (I have an-almost 13 yr old) They profusely apologize, over and over and then try to sell something to me. Also, it is a different mindset here. Sensuality is very closed instead of more open, people here are very close-minded, women are always in some competition like they are still in high school, people are very immature, etc. I have had a very hard time making friends and have only had 2 really best girlfriends here in my entire adult life! It really is just a whole different way of thinking here.

Since it seems as if you have online access, can you watch movies, read self-help articles, etc?

Can you order books? Even one on motivation or how to find yourself (I don't mean that in a bad way like you are lost, but since you said you do not really know what makes you happy.)

I am currently trying new things because I got bored with my life. I am teaching myself how to camp (been a big city girl my whole life lol) I started upcycling things around my house and I just ordered some card-making kits (paper crafting) What issues in life are you passionate about? Can you become an activist for a cause you like?

You sound like an absolutely wonderful person and I'm sure that you have a lot to offer in a friendship, so maybe try to make at least one friend? (Although I know that's easier said than done!)

Is there a deep-seating issue bothering you beneath the surface of your mind? Try your best to adapt to your surrounding. Flow with it. Make the most of it. There is a saying that says. "What you resist, persists."

Can you focus on things you are grateful for, even while in that place?

I would write down every option I can think of, or make a bucket list (of things that are possible where you are) and try to do some of those. Brainstorm. I hope you find adventure where you least expect it : )

jips in reply to Hidden

Mmmm... Diviny123. If you feel that way about the US, maybe you should leave. Maybe you'll feel better having done so.

Hidden in reply to jips

Yeah, maybe I should. Maybe I'll miss the next mass shooting.

Hidden in reply to jips

Oh and jips, Thank you for proving my point as to how unfriendly people can be here to people who are different. I NEVER said I did not like the US and as a matter of fact I said I like it. I was just sharing my experience of living here as someone who is full-blooded German. I'm sorry if you do not like the way I have been treated here and as you just proved, people here are NOT very nice. That was a very rude thing to say to me. Too bad for you, I'm staying, I vote in this country and I am a citizen. I am also quite Patriotic and am very involved in politics here, um probably a lot more than you are as I have a US politician in my family. You JUST PROVED MY POINT, good job!! Way to go!

jips in reply to Hidden

Wasn't trying to be rude. My point was, what good is it to put down a group of people. How does that help anyone?

Hidden in reply to jips

I wasn't putting anybody down.....I was just sharing what I have been through.....I like my country but not necessarily everyone in it.....A lot of people here do not treat people who are different from them kindly.....

jips in reply to Hidden

How about we agree to disagree and be okay with that?

Hidden in reply to jips

Yes jips, that sounds good and Thank you ; )

Hidden in reply to jips

I am the one who has been put down my whole other Americans....

Hi good for you going travelling like this. I wish I had the guts to do this when I was younger but there you go.

Unfortunately you have learned that wherever you go you take yourself with you and whilst being in strange surrounding can be exciting it can also make you feel lonely and isolated.

It is only a few months until you can escape so can you bear with it until then? For self help have a look a mindfulness and meditation. You can also do online counselling which is a lot cheaper than face to face. Have a look at Bettercare. x

ewaczty in reply to hypercat54

Thank you, I'll take a look at that!

You may also like...