melt down

[Junkjournal1]

Basically I’m having a meltdown day and can’t stop crying if I’m honest it’s been creeping up on me. I try to put a brave face on but eventually get eaten up on the inside by these bloody anxiety feelings and really low mood. I’m currently dealing with menopausal depression and anxiety on top of my actual depression and anxiety. Also does anyone feel like they’re just talked at and you’re just sitting there smiling and saying “ oh yes or oh no or really” when deep inside you are screaming and anxious and want to scream at them and tell them to just shut up. But you don’t you sit there like a bloody sound board. I’m sorry for going on but right now I’m just finding it hard to cope and also then the overthinking invites itself in. Thinking of all you other sufferers. Sorry again for going on.

[LoveforAll41]

no need to be sorry at all Junkjournal, that is what this site is for. I know that I can get trapped in those conversations... hopefully if all else fails you can beg off to go to the bathroom. I am a fan of the acceptance approach to anxiety. We accept the anxiety and feel it, no need to try to avoid it or keep it at bay. I think that it is perfectly fine to have a meltdown day or several meltdown days. Of course it is okay to cry. I guess at work it is good to try to keep some things in check, but I think people are pretty understanding if you share with them. At least an HR department had better be. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that we are here for you, it is fine to feel overwhelmed by our emotions and cry, and I think that the best thing we can do is recognize where our hard emotions are coming from and accept them. It helps me when I am changing meds or something to realize that the crazy emotion spikes I am feeling have that cause. I have also understood where a lot of my general anxiety about life is coming from with therapy.

I wish you peace, hope, and strength.

[Junkjournal1 in reply to LoveforAll41]

Hi love for all thank you so much for your kindness and understanding and for taking the time to respond. Your words made me feel not so much alone and that it’s okay to not be okay 🤗🙏

[Turnipgirl in reply to LoveforAll41]

That's it isn't it I find that crying every so often does me good!

[CLB1125]

im sorry you are having a bad time. Menopause can really mess with the hormones. I’m like that with my husband most days. He gets fed up with me because sometimes I just see his mouth going but don’t have a clue what he said. Be kind to yourself. You’re not alone in this. We all go through it here. We understand. Talk all you want or need to . Someone is always here to listen and help.

[Junkjournal1 in reply to CLB1125]

Thank you so much for that and you made me smile in what you said about your husband 🤗. It’s so nice on this site that people you don’t even know are so supportive and kind and understanding a lot more than some people we know. 🙏

[Attaloss01]

Trigger warning:

Hi JJ1. OH how I could actually 'feel' what you were saying JJ.

I have to agree that for many years that is what I felt like : what was that older song

🎶" everybody's talking at me but I can't hear a word they're saying ... only the echoes of my mind ..."🎶. Whoever wrote that felt just what you are feeling ... and how I used to feel. Oh I still feel the anxiety and bouts of depreession but one day, a few years ago I snapped and broke my childhood rule that being a 'nice girl' was far more imoortant than anything else.

The SHAME I felt when I dared to talk about how I felt. Wasnt DONE you know ( I'm 65 yrs old now). I felt I was being a terrible inconvenience to all and sundry.

I recall when I was 13 and the school nurse rang Mum and asked her to come up ( I'm Canadian but lived in England ffor 8 years. My parents were English). Mum loooked soooo uncomfortable when the school nurse asked Mum if she knew of any reason why I refused to change into my P.E. gear in the changing room. My Mum threw me one of her 'keep quiet!' looks and replied " no, not at all!" The school nurse dug a bit deeper but then abandoned her efforts with Mum's warning look. No one asked me. I couldn't have told 'The Secret' even had I been asked. I was sexually assaulted the year before here in Canada. I wasn't allowed to even THINK about it!

One day, I think in my early 30s I SNAPPED and actual did yell " STOP IT!" I'm right here and I'm dying inside". I got the usual reaction plus it was worth it just to see the looks on their faces. '

Therapy was just becoming medically supported and acceptable here at home and I went. I heard myself, for the first time since I was 12, speak the unspeakable to a warm and understanding person. My immediate reaction was to throw up in her garbage can. The deeply caring look on her face encouraged me to talk and talk.

My silence had been forced upon me before this to accomodate the need for my mother's feelings to be protected at all times. And on it went for years until I became a desperate alcoholic ( self medicating). I was the 'problem child' and a burdon to my poor suffering mother and even a psychiatrist once.

So you see, by adulthood I'd been well trained. It transferred to anything resembling a ' feeling' until speaking the truth literally became a matter of life and death. I could hold it all in no longer. I had to speak my truth. It seemed impossible but eventually you couldn't shut me up! It was very healing in so many ways.

Although I've been sober in AA for nearly 32 years I still have a chronic anxiety disorder with depression and C-PTSD. The damage was done, but I have been 'heard'. Oh how healing thst was.

I always make sure I have a couple of friends who talk about their own feelings or a support group like this one. I accept that there MIGHT not be a cure for all this but at least I can release the pain by talking about it and being supported ( plus a few medications).

Menopause? I went through it and I think I did not notice any more anxiety because I was on hormone replacement therapy and anti anxiety meds. Menopause does get better, I promise.

My Goodness I have gone on and on!! My apologies for the long read! I hope something helped a bit.

Hugs!

[Starrlight in reply to Attaloss01]

Good job on being sober. I am newly sober again. Yes talking about it and supportive people are so helpful. As well as medication when needed, I agree.

[Junkjournal1 in reply to Attaloss01]

Thank you for your reply sounds like you’ve suffered an awful lot hugs right back to you 🤗🙏

[Starrlight]

You expressed yourself well and it’s good as I know many can relate. I am going through all of what you mentioned … it’s a lot… being easy on myself today as usually I push too hard. I want so much done but I don’t always feel up to it all.

[Junkjournal1 in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you it’s hard for us to put into words exactly how we feel. I’m sorry you are going through the same I understand and feel for you too. 🤗🙏

[Starrlight in reply to Junkjournal1]

Thank you 🙏 ☺️

[Turnipgirl in reply to Junkjournal1]

It drives me crackers as well being talked at rather than talked to!

[Turnipgirl in reply to Junkjournal1]

I personally would rather be honest and say upfront how I feel and why!

Ever since I got evicted back in May it has made me hard and not afraid of anything now time has gone by!

Thing to ask yourself is why are they more important than I am?

[Teaching]

I feel the same everyday. I put up a smiling face contrary to my actual feelings. You are not alone.

[Turnipgirl]

Thursday just gone someone tried to put me on the spot and asked was the thing they had asked me OK and I turned round and said honestly no it's not as I had other things to do and couldn't fit them in!

Then they said they would ring me and to that I said great I look forward to it put the phone down and let the matter go!

The I will ring you line makes me angry as its a fob off and lies in my view so I play them at their own game and say how I look forward to it put the phone down and let the matter go as no it's not likely they will ring me!

[Spooky99]

Yes!!! I feel the same way!!! Menopause doesn’t help! You don’t have to be sorry! That’s what this place is for!!!! I hope you feel better!