I’ve been fighting off depression but I no longer can. Things seem so cold and old, so off and wrong. Unfinished and too difficult. Raw depression. Secrets and a ton of triggers causing so much pain inside and out.
I don’t think I can hide this from my kids. I just am absolutely depleted. Done. Being the best me for my kids is most important but I am in a place where I just need help and I can’t do some things I’ve been doing. I’m going to have a talk with my husband and maybe that will get me some help.
Written by
Starrlight
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
it's a difficult place to be when you have kids and are in a crisis, I'm sorry your having such a rough time, but its probably best to talk to your husband and let him know so that you can both work out a plan to do what ever it is you need to and get better. In-patient care, therapy...it's all an option, glad your sharing....
Thank you so much for your response. Husband is taking over what I usually do so I can sleep early. I feel like I just don’t want to move which is very weird for me.
Starrlight we are praying for you daily. You can not be the best me for your children without first taking care of yourself. I am thankful you have a supportive husband. God’s blessings and I stand in faith for your healing and wholeness. I will not stop praying until your healing manifests.
Starrlight, we each know when we have reached a place where only in-patient may help. I was there myself one time. It was the best decision I could make. I wasn't any good in the shape I was in emotionally. 24/7 in patient care gave me the time to work on myself with a helpful staff available around the clock. We are here if you need to talk. I know you will make the right decision for yourself. My best to you Starrlight. It will be okay. Everything will work out for the best. xx
Thank you Agora. I don’t know about in-patient care. I feel like right now it would just cause me more stress in ways. I’ve gone into crisis care several times before and it did have benefits but I just have a horrible feeling about it right now.
Thank you for saying it will be okay and work out for the best. I hope so. I feel like things are piling up before me and I am trying to climb up over it all but the mound keeps getting larger. But maybe it just seems that way and if I can look at it only day by day it may be more manageable but it’s all just a lot. Everything seems to bother me. And I feel I am falling apart inside and out. My heart hurts. Our bird died yesterday. My mom is doing poorly with her Alzheimer’s. My hair won’t stop falling out. I go to a Rheumotologist on Tuesday. I feel like living a good life is over.
Yes thank you. I just had blood work done and I may have an autoimmune disease because the antibodies level were very elevated. I go into a Rheumotologist on Tuesday. Thanks Here_I_am.
Has that helped you cope better with the fatigue? I know finding out my fatigue was being caused by a physical ailment helped me. I used to get so frustrated that I couldn’t get out of bed and do everything I wanted to. At least I know I have a reason why now and that I am not just lazy.
Well my anxiety gives me a crazy amount of energy no matter how tired I get if that makes sense...I think once I get official news of what it is I will feel relief. I am glad that when you found out it helped you.
Hi Starr, sorry your so down, can you check yourself into a hospital? I've been up and down like you. How old are your kids? Would they understand what you're going through? Get help, let me know how your doing. I CARE 🙏
Thanks so much for caring Want2BHappy3. My kids are 6 and 10 and then a grown 22 year old. I have gone into crisis care before several times and they were okay. My ten year old would get it but I don’t want him to worry and my younger well he would plain miss me so much.
That’s so so sad that they can inherit it. It hurts to just think of them experiencing the pain of it. My oldest has learned to cope with it and takes supplements and is super into his health. My little ones take Calm which has magnesium and calcium for focus and to help with anxiety. How old are your kids? Sorry your youngest has anxiety.
She's 30, and I didn't know this she has been suffering in silence not wanting to worry me. And she suffers from chronic illnesses like fibromyalgia. And through just recently got her bachelor's degree I'm so proud of her and I don't know how she does it?
Hello Starrlight, Is your husband supportive? I have been suffering from depression for 20 years. When I am on med's I'm fine. I went off meds in November thinking that I would be fine. Boy was I wrong. I went through the worst depression. It took 10 weeks to get back to normal. My husband was my rock. He would sit with me and let me cry. I was also up front with my daughters. They too, were there for me. Talk to your husband. Seek out therapy and possibly anti depressants. You are not alone.
I find therapy isn’t helpful . And I don’t want to be on more meds. I talked to my husband about needing help and he is helpful but I am thinking he is tired of my needing rides places since I don’t drive out very far due to panic. That’s nice you could be upfront with your daughters. How old are they?
Hi! Smd22 my husband has been my rock also. I am in the middle of changing meds and having major anxiety every morning! My husband just holds me till it passes. I hope I don’t burn him out! And I hope I get over this soon. I don’t want to go through these feelings anymore!
Hello, starrlight, i am here for you. I know how you feel. Usually when we feel our lowest, it means we can make a kickass comeback and be badder than ever! Sometimes it feels like there won’t be an end, but i truly believe that therapy, talking about everything, and maybe even medicine (if you’re alright with that option) will surely help. It’s very hard to be on for those who love you, but I’m learning that it’s ok to not always be and maybe even open up the conversation and be honest about how you feel. I hope everything works well for you, my love.
Thanks so much for being here. I do hope to make a kickass comeback. Yeah maybe I can talk to my kids about how I feel I just don’t know I always try to avoid that and i will try to be with the idea that I don’t always have to be on and doing it all. I’m so tired and lonely even right next to my family. I feel like the good in life is over but I guess that just the illnesses talking. My ocd is really acting up. I’m so unwell right now.
Starlight certainly seems like a lot is going on around you. Dealing with illness is enough to cause distress, let alone caring for a family and a spouse. I wonder though if you do the same as we, meaning when I have so much on my plate I than start to analyze how I feel. This is especially true for me when I’m dealing with circumstances that I can’t change, for instance my health, or the health of family members. When I’m faced with circumstances like these I than only focus on how I’m feeling and there is no way to be at peace with life events that are so uncertain. I than second guess everything and everyone when I feel things are so unsettled. I label these times as anxiety/depression when in fact I’m sad and feel like I’m trapped. I have medical issues that can only be managed, they are autoimmune. It is anxiety producing rightfully so, if my medical issues were not anxiety producing I wouldn’t have a pulse. So I see as a normal response. Once I can view it as a normal response I can than except it. Be easy on yourself, take some rest when you can. Pray, mediate, find a crossword puzzle try to counter the negative thoughts with comforting, soothing dialogue.
Exactly! I do feel trapped and can’t control illnesses in and around me. So view it as a normal response? Ok I will try that and will try to be easy on myself yes I will try to counter the negative thoughts I’m not sure I’m very good at that especially now but I will for sure try. So sorry you have autoimmune issues. If you don’t mind me asking what kind? I have a feeling I have lupus as symptoms may point to it and it runs in the family but maybe not but I’m not worrying about it right now.
I have psoriatic arthritis. I remember a post in the past that you thought you may have lupus. I’m sure you will get clarity wether or not you have lupus. I really do think that when we are dealing with these sort of issues we have automatic responses, such as feelings of depression. It’s perfectly normal. As you gain more information and possible treatment options things will than start to settle down. But until than give yourself permission to feel how you feel. That will help to lesson the scary, depressing thoughts. I hope I’m not telling you what to do, I’m just trying to pass of coping skills that I have learned. Plus by writing this it helps to remind me what to do when I feel the same way as you, which will happen.
So sorry you deal with psoriatic arthritis. Thanks yes I think it’s right to give ourselves permission to feel how we feel. Oh no I don’t see it as you telling me what to do, but helpful suggestions. I know what you mean; by helping others we remind ourselves and help ourselves at the same time.
I soooo appreciate it Delta! Knowing I have prayers going up is very helpful. I was cleaning most of the day and I’m tired but wired and out of the blue I got so angry I just started yelling that I hate my life. I’m so on edge and I feel guilt for the anger at even though I know that’s not helpful. I have reasons to feel angry.
I feel your pain. Irritability, elevated mood, depressed mood, mixed moods, anger. It's okay to feel what you feel. 💖 We are here.
Thanks for being here. It feels like I am disliked maybe because my brain focuses on what I am insecure about and I have trouble being compassionste to and accepting of self; feels like I deserve the pain and like God is punishing me.
Self-love is tough sometimes. When we are down, it feels like we are being punished, but I think God tries to help us find our way when we seek guidance and strength. Keep the faith.
You are right. I defidently will be seeking guidance and strength. I sometimes think God is against me but why would He be, He is merciful and I ask of His help so I think that was the depression distorting. If I can just believe He is with me I will have a much easier time and offer sufferings up to Him.
I cannot seem to help having very disturbing negative thoughts. I cannot relax. Have a migraine. I am scared I will loose it because it all seems like too much to handle. May do something I will regret. I don’t know what just a feeling as I’m so angry and not sure how to deal with that. I am working too hard but can’t seem to stop and rest. The illness makes me feel like an ugly disgusting person who deserves nothing good. I’m trying to believe it will lift at some point but it will always come back and I’m just too tired for this. To fight seems pointless. I guess I’ll try to be good to myself and others and try distraction.
Sorry, what talk? I’ve been having my mind race with worries but have gotten lots done today I really worked hard so that feels good. Thanks for asking LetgoLetGod! 😊 how are you doing?
Oh thanks for reading. I’d forgotten but yes I did speak with him and he did extra for a time so I was not as overwhelmed. I am feeling better, not great, but better. Im having mood swings. One minute I’m scared the next I’m excited then sad then okay...on like this. Thank you for caring LetGoLetGod!
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
House Hunting with Depression
It's the little things that help with deep depression
Feel like I fell down the well
Overcoming Depression
