I guess its that time of week again where i get in my head really bad about the same old shit, i get mad sensitive to my body and the different sensations. I notice the tightness in my chest and how it feels like i can’t breathe. How every light feels to bright and gives me a headache. How tense and uncomfortable my shoulders feel. Every time i get like this i try and decide what sensation bothers me the most and i think its my headache, it’s always my headache. Its the same intrusive fear every time, no matter how many times i have this same panic attack the thought still manages to steal my breath, to make my chest so tight it hurts.
I’ve had a shit day, i was sad and I couldn’t pinpoint the reason, my chest has felt heavy all day today like my body somehow knew today would end with me freaking out. My boyfriend tried to cheer me up and like usual he did, for a short period up until he had to leave. I dont know what it is but every time I’m with him its like anxiety goes away, he could tell i was sad tho, so he bought me some of my favourite things, i really dont think I deserve him and i dont know how he puts up with me tbh especially because i have more bad days than i probably have good ones, but yh i appreciate him soo much. I haven’t written in a while and ino this post doesn’t really help anyone but i needed to get out of my head and present snd i dunno sometimes writing down my day and feelings help. I feel like im drowning half the days and i dont wanna pull him down with me
Idk what to do anymore..
idk what to put as title
Idk why I'm like this 😭
Tw mention of suicide
TW : I can't live anymore. *Note see my previous post
