idk

[roygbi]

my boyfriend broke up with me today because he doesn’t trust me... it’s all because I won’t physically hand him my phone and he doesn’t respect that I have trouble doing that after being taken advantage of in my past relationships. Please help me figure out how to get him back I truly love him

[Hidden]

I say do nothing. If he broke up with you over that he wasn’t happy or wasn’t trustworthy himself. All of us guard our phones because text convos are on there & it’s nobodies biz what our relationships are with other people. Damn cell phones these days.

Or I’d say my phone is my private place just like yours and I respect your privacy your thoughts & truly wanted you to respect mine. Trust issues have been earned in my past and I carry this forward, however, I don’t want to see your private convos either as I want to feel free in our relationship to be individuals who simply are earning our trust together face to face in our real world. I truly appreciated that part of us.

How’s that ?

[roygbi in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Dolphin14 in reply to Hidden]

Well said

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'll 2nd that, well said.

[Dolphin14]

I would never think to ask my husband if I can look at his phone. I know he certainly wouldn't ask for mine.

My brother in laws wife checks his phone every night. You know why? Because they had an affair while he was married. So, you know exactly what behavior she's looking for.

Phones are private and so are pocketbooks lol. People should stay out of your business no matter what the relationship.

[All_alone in reply to Dolphin14]

I agree 100 percent with Dolphin. My phone is private. Even when I was married I never looked at his or vice versa.

[Hidden]

Our cell phone have become almost an extension to own minds. We record a lot of personal info in them. It's analogous to a diary. It's ok to have some personal information in reserve in a healthy relationship but he shouldn't break up with you over that. If I love someone I wouldn't want to read someone else's mind with out an consent. Trust take's time and he should recognize past traumas making you more reserved. He is not entitled to access your mind anymore than being entitled to access your body with out consent. Vice versa applies because you'd equally respect that.

If you want him back you could try reasoning with him. Don't settle with out mutual respect. I wonder what info he want access though. Does he think you are self harming? Or does he want to know because he is insecure he is the only guy in your life? Tackle what the nature of information he is seeking. Reason from there. I wonder if he'd hand over full access to his phone equally including social apps used by his phone? Just curious what's he searching for.

[roygbi in reply to Hidden]

He thinks that I’m talking to my ex’s and I’m not I have never given him a reason to not trust me but here we are

[Hidden in reply to roygbi]

Then insecure. That's on him, you can comfort him but that comes from within his own head. You can remind him you were once betrayed and know what it's like that you wouldn't do it to him. Beyond that he has to come to terms with his anxiety and internal issues. Guilt tripping you or shaming you isn't the way for him to treat you as you all ready have enough anxiety to deal with. That's the way I've dealt with guys I've dated with those issues. I've also too often have sucked it up to be the strong one and taken on the emotional trip others have placed on me. That is sssssooooo unhealthy. Drives up your anxiety, depression. Please don't torture yourself that way. It majorly sucks up yourself esteem then both of you suffer. I know been there done that. he

[roygbi in reply to Hidden]

He wants my password to everything and idk what to do

[Hidden in reply to roygbi]

Ugh , you shouldn't do that unless you feel you're ok with it. Speaking as a guy, he may be reacting from the old school mentality that women are possession to be told what to do. That is so archaic and out of touch with what is healthy. He can ask just as easily what he wants to know, but giving him your passwords? What, is he going to do the same? At the same time, is he going to club you and drag you back to his cave if you don't? Sorry I grew up catholic and conservative. Clearly that wasn't for me. You are two separate human beings in relationships with independent spirits trying to build bond of love with mutual respect, support, strength etc to live out to the end of your days. Balance is Love is.

I hope you find someone like that if he doesn't choose to recognize you're worth it. I'm returning to dating again after a disastrous break up, but with strength , courage, and kindness. We all deserve that. My mum used to tell me that as a little kid.

[roygbi in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[san_ray70 in reply to Hidden]

If you can not trust each other how can you love each other. Love and trust go hand in hand, you would be better off finding somebody you can trust.

[fauxartist]

Why does he not respect your space, and your privacy....I've always found that those who are distrusting often have their own issues that they should not be trusted for. So if that is a reason to break up....good riddens.

[roygbi in reply to fauxartist]

Idk I’m just over it

[fauxartist in reply to roygbi]

No one has the right to do that...it has nothing to do with trust.....they should trust you enough to respect your privacy. We are allowed to have our space, it's part of how we have our own self respect and identity....we don't have to give off every bit of our self to someone to prove anything....then we have nothing left....

One door closes....a better one opens, and we learn to recognize what we don't want in a relationship, and what we do want....you'll be okay.