TW : I can't live anymore. *Note see my previous post

[Against_the_current]

I can't even function. And God is my withness i tried my best. I came home from classes and i was trying to clean grandpa called and ruined it all. Tried to call granma to get a better taste. She said my other grandparents told her sth that upseted her. How can grandpa and Grandma praise dad and his bitch while he talks shit about them?! When instead of taking the family role and caring about them, he had another baby as If he s 20yo. 2 fucking years i cry everyday. I can't anymore. I want my real sister to take everything i own after the end of me. At least that's what i can do. I fantasize about it. I like fantasinzing about it. Organizing it. I made a playlist and i just want my full sister to take all my savings and everything that i own. If family don't have money to bury me and want to use my savings, don't use them, give them to sis so she remembers me with sth nice and yeet me in the river or Burn me or idgaf, family didn't Treat me better when i was alive anyway. Crying cause in a normal family, in a normal country, where someone actually gave a damn about me, i could actually be someone

[Blunderbuss_bumpkin]

I know how you feel but look at it like this: the reason that the family dynamic is so damaging to you is because you care about the family, you want everyone to get along and respect each other and be happy and so when they innevitably aren't it feels like a failure on your part. You are not a failure! You are not worthless! You are not better off dead! Regardless of whether my understanding is true or not, you have an enormous weight on your shoulders that would surely crush anyone else. You have faced challenges over the past few years that no one should have to face and that very very few people would survive. You have come so far and that is a testament to your power and awesomeness. Yes you've struggled but most people wouldn't even put up a fight. You are an absolute badass! You would give everything up for your sister to be happy, but she will be happiest having a sister than having an inheritance. Yeah things are bad to say the least but you've been through worse and things will get better. Don't let your efforts go to waste, don't let them win. I love seeing your messages appear in my inbox, you are a beacon of strength and a true rolemodel for everyone to aspire to be. You are important! Hang in there and keep killing it! It will get better! You are doing great! You already are someone

[Against_the_current in reply to Blunderbuss_bumpkin]

Thank you so much. I'm crying reading. You're saving my life. You're right. I just take responsibility of my family's bullshit. Mom made me do it. How can i be responsible for grandparents' bs and dad's bs? Mom is a bitch and doesn't understand

[catsrock]

I'm so very sorry. This sounds incredibly stressful and hard. Please reach out to a support line or get help some other way. Your family does not define you - I have learned this the hard way as my family of origin is a dysfunctional mess. You can get past this. Sending hugs and support.

[Against_the_current in reply to catsrock]

Thank you 😭I tried to talk to my therapist. I hate her now

[catsrock in reply to Against_the_current]

Oh no - that's awful. It's so hard to find a good one,

[emmi331]

I have had to learn that just because we're related by blood doesn't mean we have to stay connected to a toxic family. It sounds like you're taking on a lot of cr@p that is going on with your relatives that may have nothing to do with you at all. Your father is an adult and made the choice to have another child - that's his decision; your grandparents behave badly - that's their decision.

It does not mean you have to be part of it - so detach, even if you have to limit contact with them. ACCEPT them as they are - and acceptance does NOT mean approval. Let them know you no longer want to hear negativity, then leave the room or hang up. You must protect yourself.

Focus on your classes and on your sister, who seems to be someone you care for. Hugs....💓

[Against_the_current in reply to emmi331]

Yeah, it's crap. Even though my therapist says it could be worse. I can't take care of Studies n sis. But i have toThanks for being here with me 💗

[Hidden]

Hey, we care about you on here!!! Suicide is never the answer to anything. Please try to find someone you can talk to about how you’re feeling. I’m so sorry you have to deal with all of this family drama. It would stress anyone out. Do you have any friends or other relatives or acquaintances you can talk to? Or a therapist? Please don’t do anything to harm yourself. Try to get some kind of help!!!

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thank you 😭I tried to talk to my therapist. I hate her now

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

I’m sorry that didn’t help. Maybe you should try to see a different therapist.

[emmi331]

You may need to get it out there to your therapist, and tell her why you feel so hostile. Begin looking into finding a therapist who is more compatible, perhaps.And ask her to define "worse" lol.