Can we live "normally" with a mental illness? Take care of ourselves and a place? Do a job? Have a relationship? And a family?

[Against_the_current]

I know some of you do it but as a gen Z with several traumas that seems impossible to me. I feel like mom triggers me but she's the best i have. My accommodation is a mess, the sink is clogged, there are spiders, i should do laundry, buy cleaning and washing chems(sorry forgot the word in English), should clean, unclog it... I fall asleep in my classes. I was doing better at 19 than at 23. And also i worry i will fall in love but it either terrifies me so much that it doesn't work and it breaks my heart and brain even more or i have to adapt to living with a new person, in a new place, in a new way, have less "introvert time". Also im terrified of getting intimate. Also im even more terrified of getting pregnant. I'm on medication and i should stop it. Also im terrified of the experience. I'm terrified of hospitals. I'm terrified of post partum depression and schizophrenia. I'm terrified of having to care about that being 24/7. And when i say im terrified i mean i can't make it. It's a justified fear. I have to either do this or stay alone and watch those i love move on, my sister move out, mom getting old. The people i love getting normal people who can bear a family. Wish i was a guy so much. I'm not saying it's easy but would make it much less scary. I also dissosiate from the gender i got at birth. Mental illness has me in some sort of a neutral territory. Im just a person. Them. A person. I'm barely even a person rn

[fauxartist]

yes...you can.... our issues don't define us, they are part of us

[Sandpiper14]

you’re very young. You don’t need to think about having a family or even falling in love yet if you do not want to! You could give it another 10 years and even then if you don’t want to you certainly don’t have to. Millennials have already started to say ‘no, I’m doing what I want to’ and now conventional norms are being broken everyday. We are free to say I don’t want kids and that’s soooo fine! It’s not like how it used to be.

But as I say you don’t need to upset/ work yourself up over it right now. Focus on doing the things you enjoy and everything falls in to place as it should eventually. If you do meet the right person, you can open up to them about your fear of intimacy and love but take it one day at a time.

[SoporRose]

Yes, you can reach some sort of normal life. I mean, what’s normal after all? Don’t even think about children now or a love-life. (My dad didn’t really date until he was about thirty.) We all progress at different paces.

Keep working on healing, on finding someone who can help you loosen your grip on your traumas and build an identity around your strengths and positive qualities — your intelligence, your diligence, your humour, your creativity. There won’t be any easy or quick fixes, but you can do it

How are your classes going? Are you enjoying them? What topics do they cover? Do you respect your professors? Which course of study did you choose? Or are you doing both psych and logopedics?

Ruth

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Hey, I'm responding quickly cause im fatigued. I feel so bad everyone is telling me it's too early to think about love and that i got myself in the swamp. Went for psychology and i overslept the two classes i had by now. The first class i had, on Stress has been the best thing in my life this year. Teachers mostly say "you had this class in bachelor, you can skip". And i don't want to skip but i go crazy all night and try to soothe myself all night

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I don’t know that you got yourself into the swamp, but the unfair truth is that you have to get yourself out. Ideally, people who hurt us and/or love us should help us, but often they can’t, won’t, or don’t know how.

I’m excited that your Stress class is so great. It’s fine if you had it before. I’m sure you’ll learn new concepts in this class. These are important steps!

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I just got home and mom's the same. I woke up at 4am hiccuping like crazy

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I saw that on your other post. I think you knew that your mom would not have changed. It's so hard not to be hopeful, isn't it?

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I knew she would be the same and ppl tell me this. Idk i should have gotten used to it? Like already know she's like this and not mind her? How to do that? Do you think im better off in my tiny accommodation wondering what to eat and drink or home? Or a third option that i would rather discuss in messages?

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I think it's really hard not to hope that people we love will change for the better. You do seem more miserable in your accommodation than you do with your mom, but you are the best judge of that. What I can tell you is that, generally, when you are at your mom's, I notice that your writing is much clearer. There are exceptions when you get upset, but I think that it helps you a lot to be somewhere you get regular food, clean water, clean surroundings, and feel safer than I. think you do in your accommodation. Obviously I can't speak to the third option until you tell me about it, but I look forward to your message.

Just so you know, I just got a COVID booster, so I'm a little under the weather and might not respond right away.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

It's okay, i will let you rest then and we will talk later. Thank you

[CLB1125]

you are so young, enjoy being young. Throw yourself into your studies. Find things that make you happy and calm. Bird watching? I sometimes sit in my backyard and just watch them. We have everything here from tiny chick-a-dees to majestic eagles. On a quiet day I can hear their wings beating. Listen to them calling each other. It makes me forget my worries for awhile. There is plenty of time to find a significant other. Enjoy just being you.

[Against_the_current]

You got me wrong. It's not like i want to find somebody but can't, it's vice versa. It's i tried, (damn balkan mentality of even therapists saying it would help)but i feel like i can't do it because of my mental illness. My life psychology was - i will just stay single and work on my mental illness my whole life. It's not that i wanted a relationship and a family and i couldn't get them because of mental illness.