Still feeling about the same today—maybe just a little better

[Kat63]

Well, I *want* to be feeling a little better; maybe that’s why I’m telling myself that. The fear of loss and abandonment has been with me so much of my life. I have had a few times in my life when those fears were a lot smaller and quieter. Just one year ago I felt a lot better.

I was lucky then to have a job where I really felt comfortable. Unfortunately, my company lost the contract. I do have a job now, and it’s not bad; the pay is actually better. But I feel inept compared to everybody else on the team. Most of the people are younger than me, and I feel like an awkward old lady who can’t do the stuff they can do.

And, I always have a little fear that my partner will abandon me. I try to keep a lid on my need for reassurance, because I know neediness is unattractive and it pushes people away. We got back together 4.5 years ago, after a few years of separation and problems. Before the problems, we had been together 10 years and were very happy.

I’ve always had a fear of loss and abandonment. I fear losing my job, my partner, the remaining family members I have. The fear was always there, but between 2014 and 2019, my life was really going down. During that time, my partner and I had problems, my mother died of cancer, and I worked in a toxic workplace and was eventually fired. (They weren’t nice about it, either.)

I just wonder if that time in my life did some kind of permanent damage.

I try to remind myself that other terrible times in my life were followed by good times. Fourth and fifth grade were brutal, but sixth grade was awesome. Middle school and high school were painful at times, but college was one of the best things that ever happened to me. There are a couple of other examples, too.

I just wonder if this last bout of bad times damaged me permanently—if that was the life stressor that finally broke me. And if I’m ever going to feel really good again. Or at least not feel bad—feel safe. At this point, I’d be fine with feeling safe.

[Sandpiper14]

Ok so,

Firstly please never feel afraid to ask your colleagues for help. I am a younger person in the workplace and if an older colleague ever asked for any assistance/ask me to explain anything I would never think twice/ doubt their ability. You’re probably a lot more respected than you think! With age comes experience don’t forget!

It sounds like you and your partner have been through and overcome a lot! Which is a testament of how you feel about each other. It’s ok to ask for reassurance don’t worry about seeming less attractive! You’ve known them for 10 plus years I’m 100% sure that’s not going to change their perception of you one bit. Communication in a relationship is key and everyone needs reassurance sometimes. But you know what? Even if they did leave, it wouldn’t be the end of your world I can promise you that.

I’m not medically trained so cannot comment on how your experiences have really affected you but it sounds like a bit of trauma and I would suggest you speak to a therapist about it. I really don’t believe that you’re permanently ‘damaged’ at all. Time heals all and better days will come just as they have done before. Hang in there and you will find you’re happy💛

[LoveforAll41]

I also have a lot of feelings of insecurity in my life... kind of just a general feeling that things are not going to be okay. It goes up and down but can often be the kind of anxiety that just makes me want to puke.

Coming at it from an acceptance approach, of course I will feel that way. My parents arguing about money has left me with weird feelings about it and I struggle with work and school, or anything related to money. It is understandable that you would worry about those things after what you have been through. I actually very often apologize to my wife for not making more money or leaving often to exercise or go do stuff. She asks if I still love her after she snaps at the kids or obsesses over cleaning the house. I think reassurance can be attractive, and it is nice to feel needed in a relationship. I think you could probably find a healthy way to get some reassurance. I wish you peace, hope, and strength

[Artistfriend]

Its always possible to go forward and grow from experiences, youre not broken