Having family issues

[Pizzaforever]

Recently my sister whom has bipolar disorder and many addiction problems lived with my family and I. I tried my best to help her but struggling with anxiety and depression myself lately, I finally said enough! She is now staying with my parents, just hurts me to have to put my foot down. I'm also glad that I feel alot less stress on my family and I. Just feels good to express this.i hope everyone is doing well and taking care of themselves too.

[Pizzaforever]

Thank you

[Ellamaye]

I think I understand I have my own issues but my sister has psychotic depression and has had severe episodes it's so hard to be the support to such extreme situations. So good on you for recognising it was too much

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Proud of you for setting up boundaries! And learning that no is a complete sentence. Also saying no is perfectly okay.

I understand what you are going through more than anything.

Once upon a time my partner and I lived with my mom. Then my sister JG decided to upheaved her life by leaving her husband of 30yrs to go be with another guy because she thought the "grass would be greener ". She too suffered from bipolar type 1. We all tried our very best to help her. But she also has a terrible personality to start with. And a possible substance abuse issue as well. Eventually she moved out on her own. Gave us all some relief. Until her world came crashing down because she doesn't believe she has bipolar. Doesn't want treat for it. She tried to move back in with us. But by then she already burned the bridge between her and I and my partner. Our mom told her it wouldn't be best idea. She wig out demanding that our mom apologize for "picking sides" and causing all kinds of chaos.

She stopped speaking with us for about 2yrs until recently. She tried to see if she could move in with our mom again. Because she was fishing to see if we had moved out. And we did. So she asked our mom to move back. Our mom said yes on a condition that she learn to be civil with us and the rest of the family. She thought that was a bridge too far and lost it. Told our mom that she would never speak to her again until she realizes she is wrong. Of course our mom was sad. Which I feel bad about it. I feel more for our mom than her. Our mom had been having a tough time recently with medical issues. My sister, JG, I don't feel bad for her. For years she lived a decent life. But then when it started to become difficult. She made it worse than blamed everyone for it. And took no responsibility. JG isn't bad because of her bipolar. She was already that way. It just that her bipolar brings out her worst qualities.

The reason I say this is because our other sister, IG, she too has bipolar. But she never has taken it out on anyone. Verbally abused anyone in the family. When she acts out of pocket, she apologizes for it. Doesn't blame anyone for it.

So I can relate to your story. I feel for your parents because they will too probably have to face the same situation you did. Even though it's their daughter, some people you just can't fix. They can only do it for themselves.

[Pizzaforever in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thank you for sharing your story! And I whole heartily agree that ppl have to do it for them selves. Oh and your one sister that left her husband of 30 years for someone else sounds just like my sister too! Very sad and frustrating at the same time.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Pizzaforever]

Yes, it's greatly frustrating & sad all at the same time. It sucks that both our sisters have something that they need to get help with but won't. We tried our best. Listen to them, tried calming, reassuring, lending money etc. But at some point we start to feel that we are being taken advantage of. It has to stop. May both of our sisters find the peace that eludes them 🫂❤️

[Ellamaye in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

I loved NO is a complete sentence. You sound so strong in your family situation I'm going to take inspiration from that as I feel demanded alot of the time

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Ellamaye]

Thank you 🫂❤️ I remember feeling guilty in saying "no" to family. I felt like I was indebted because we're blood. Meanwhile whenever I said "no" it was always "no because..." I felt I had to make an excuse. To soften the word "no". Then it got me thinking they could tell me "no" whenever I needed help or asked them for something. But why was it just no from them? Why wasn't it soften? Why didn't they do it out of "duty of family"?. They didn't feel guilty when they said no. They didn't feel the need to soften it with an excuse. Nor were they held by the idea that because we're blood, related, etc that they had to do it. They could just say "no."

Which means I could say no too. I love my family. What's left of it at least. But I shouldn't have to put my own sanity at risk because we're family. Wishing you peace with your family dilemma 🫂❤️

[Ellamaye in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Your right when my sister was well she was always too busy to keep in touch with me when I literally asked for the odd phonecall or message or at least when she visited my end of the country she'd maybe let me know and I wouldn't have to shame her when walking through the town centre (3rd largest in uk) I bumped into her and said err hi were you gna tell me you were in town.Well all that was years ago but now she's in her worst ish times and ringing my phone off the hook to tell me....nothing most of the time and also most of the time I'm answering and when I've told her time and time again it's not acceptable to ring someone 17 times a day she gets upset?

I need a no that means know a no she'll understand but not that will make her completely rejected

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Ellamaye]

My sister JG was like this as well! When she was "well". Never heard from her. If we did, it was because she needed something or to get out of seeing her husband family. So really not to see us. And if you called her, she would get upset like you interrupted her while she was on the verge of a great Discovery. Fast-forward to when she left her husband and had a full fledged mental down. She would cry because nobody had enough time for her. She cried because I didn't invite her to come walking with me. When I did, she actually left me after half a mile because her "boyfriend" texted her back finally. Same thing for the gym. Cried cause she was bored and lonely at our house. Took her to the gym, she left me cause she couldn't workout there, needed something with classes like Orange Theory (cycle class which I can't afford & locations are too far away for me to drive to) I was only texted when people she really wanted to hear back from were unavailable. When I stopped being available to her, she became angry.

[Ellamaye in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

What is the answer then? I don't want to shut my sister out but I want her to calm down with the ...feels like 100 calls a day

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Ellamaye]

The only answer is that your sister like my sister needs to understand boundaries. It's not done to be cruel to them but actually to help keep the relationship alive. Also both of them need to seek professional help. Unfortunately you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. That's where I'm at with my sister. I don't have a relationship with her anymore but that is something she chose to do with her actions in not keeping with her therapy and medication and not understanding boundaries. It's easier for me to cut ties because we never had a great relationship to begin with. I can only imagine how it is for you. You seem like you care deeply for your sister. Seeing her do this backwards slide and trying to keep her calm and be there for her but you are pretty yourself on pins and needles. Probably dread hearing the phone ring because you know it's her. But I think establishing boundaries and therapy are needed her. Encourage her that getting help isn't bad, nor you would think any less of her. Also remember it's up to her to do it. Just like it's up to you to protect your own sanity.

[Ellamaye in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Your so right In alot of what your saying and I do think I've made a slight break through with the constant phonecalls as she said to me today I tried not to call so many times which was true but still way over the normal amount. As for her getting help the back story is that she has psychotic depression and was last inpatient for 9 months at a mental health facility. That was nearly a year ago now though but I don't think there is a possibility for a real recovery. As in she will probably be medicated for the rest of her life . Which is very sad and even sadder she has 3 sons who love her dearly but are desperately trying to break away and no matter how much I explain to her that they are people not her possessions she acts like they should take responsibility of her and not have thier own lives . It's not easy to watch my poor nephews go through this

[Pizzaforever]

Hello mckayla

[Pizzaforever]

Sure

[Pizzaforever]

Omg!!! Iam so sorry for your loss!

[gajh]

McKayla I am so very sorry for your loss. I am glad you are here with us.

[Pizzaforever]

I'm very sorry for your loss!

[gajh]

Do you want to talk at all?

[gajh]

I am on my computer. I don't have a camera or microphone. Would you like to talk to me here?

[gajh]

Lets just talk right here.

[gajh]

How are you doing? Do you have any support?

[gajh]

Yes. Are you with anyone for support right now or are you all alone?

[gajh]

Who will be with you at 11:30?

[gajh]

That is good. I am glad you have him.

[gajh]

What are you doing until he gets there?

[gajh]

Excellent. I am glad you are doing something good for yourself. Are you in therapy at all?

[gajh]

So will you be able to talk to the therapist tomorrow?

[gajh]

Well could you request it given the circumstances? Maybe there would be a way to make it happen.

[gajh]

Yes you do really need to talk to your therapist. Hopefully it will happen tomorrow. Make sure to let them know why you need to talk to them.

[gajh]

Why is your right foot starting to hurt badly?

[gajh]

Is there anything you can do to ease the pain? Ice or wrap it or anything?

[gajh]

Oh. I'm sorry.

[Ellamaye]

Hi

[Ellamaye]

Wtf? Omg r u OK?