not doing well

[happyfrog8]

I'm 59 and self employed. My husband divorced me because of my mental health problems. I have been depressed and anxious for years, now I have PTSD as 5 years ago I had a dissociative incident my husband witnessed where I recovered a memory of early childhood sexual abuse; I don't know who it was but suspect my grandfather.

Now I lost my house (we sold it to pay down our debts) which I loved; my children are grown; my job as a private practice therapist (!) is more and more difficult to get through and I'm broke. I have lost interest in most things, don't get much pleasure out of life, have to push hard to do the simplest things like laundry.

I have an excellent therapist and psychiatrist but it's not enough. All the meds in the world won't bring back what I lost. My daughter lives with me and I don't want to worry her. She is wonderful. Most of my friends are married. I hate being single but have had no luck with dating sites or any other ways to meet new people.

I spend most of my free time in bed. It is my safe place. I am trying so hard to keep it together.

I'm scared that even on this site, people won't understand but I actually googled "I am not doing very well" just for something to do, and this site came up so I thought I would try.

I'm going to work now, which usually helps a bit.

[Toots62]

I can relate. I am also a struggling divorcee, but I live alone. So I do understand how you’re feeling. I also feel like no one understands how I feel. Depression alone (plus I have anxiety) tends to make us feel isolated. I actually make enough through my divorce to live on so I don’t work. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.

I also hate being single and have tried the dating sites, but right now I’m not sure I could even maintain a relationship.

The few friends I had are gone because of the depression. Also my mom is sick, had cancer surgery, so I’ve been with her a lot. So I haven’t had a life at all for almost a year.

I hope this doesn’t depress you even more but I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone. Take care 🤗!

[Asif_Melton]

Sad to hear, but don't lose hope, trust in God. Everything thing will be fine.

[litethatnevergoesout]

I’m not doing well either. my bed is also my safe place. I hope we can heal together. My heart goes out to you. You’re in a good place here.

[DodgeDhanda]

Hi HF8.

I'm sorry ur having a difficult time right now, I know how U feel & I reckon that for a majority of us our bed/bedroom is our safe place.

I too am divorced & it's now 12 years & my daughter lives with me & is a god send for me. I have 2 daughters whom I raised after their mom left us & I was happy to do so & I know I made mistakes & I also know I did a lot of great things too.

Now it took me a fair few years to realise that being single & my girls are both grown up too. I realise that I can do what I want when I want & I don't need to worry about anyone else & I now love it.

Ur working still & I'm sorry ur finding it hard but if U don't like the place U work, then I suppose that U can look elsewhere as a change may reinvigorate ur inner soul & meeting new work colleagues.

I'm sorry that a memory turned up & did damage to ur psyche. However I would like to tell U that U can choose to look at the positive things U've done with ur live & look back at times when U were very happy , like my perfect happy is being there when my daughters were born, that is also my go to when I realise that the darkness of depression comes & overtakes my life & as soon as I realise that I'm suffering I got to the 2 miraculous & perfect moments in my life & it always gives me a little. I'm actually smiling just thinking back to those days & the moment I became dad both times & it's always been my joyous pride & how can giving birth & being part of the procedure itself & seeing a tiny person who will give U so much joy & pride.

I hope this has given U more insight into stop kicking urself & self sabotaging into thinking ur not good enough. We are good enough but due to other people's deeds & behaviour, they've always said we weren't & we believe that BS.

ITS THEM THAT WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH. We are human & no one has a life where nothing has ever gone wrong . It's part of being human but it's at the times when we're stuck at the bottom of the well & we ask those were married to for help, there are those that will get that ladder & help us out of the well & there are those that see the ladder & go else where leaving us to claw our way from that well & their behaviour from then on is crap at best. That's when we need to be the support we need & at least we know that we won't walk away from ourselves.

Never let urself to think ur not good enough especially when the actual truth is that ur far better than even you think U are, so start believing it & remind urself every morning U wake up.

Another think I like to do is when I wake up I contemplate on things I'm thankful for & for me its a way of starting my day & getting rid of any negativity that is trying to creep in.

U are the best U that anyone can ever be & because U are the perfect U in this universe.

I wish U love & light on ur journey.

[dutchgirl71]

Hello and welcome! I can absolutely relate to you! My bed is my safe place and it has been increasingly more difficult to get up in the morning. I too am single and dating sites just isn’t working for me. I recently went down to part time employment to be a caregiver to my mom. She has advancing Alzheimer’s and I am devastated to lose her. I have no children so my mom is my whole world and best friend. But we keep going and hopefully we will crawl out of our hole to find the light.

[downinthecrud]

I definitely understand. Divorced. Lonely. Don’t like it. I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way. You have my support, for sure. Best wishes!

[Bella_lee]

Hi @happyfrog8, I'm so sorry to hear you're not doing well, you are not alone and welcome to another safe place.

It's brave of you to share what you're going through and we are all here to support each other. It's a blessing to have a wonderful daughter and focusing on those important things really helps.

I pray the near future brings healing and strength for you.