Not doing well

[Kevin160]

i recently read a few triggering posts to me , ofcourse i 100% support people who want to vent and get help its no ones fault❤️

I just reached a point where i started to get scary thoughts , about death .. im not suicidal, but these past few days were very rough for me and i was subjected to alot of badness in the world, i cant help but feel like im losing the joy in life , and im worried it will worsen and i will end up hurting myself

I never had depression , my main problems were with ocd tendancies and severe anxiety, but this forum caused me alot of access to alot of mental illnesses that i never knew of, and because i have really powerful psychological suggestion and empathy i started to feel the same way as people i read their posts, the feeling of hopelessness , lack of control

Im also on isotretinoin which is an acne deug that is known to cause depression and psychological disturbances , my anxiety has been really bad these past few days and im feeling this brain fog and i feel like i cant see the bright side of things and worried that as the days/months come , i will be seriously depressed and god knows what might happen then

Everything feels dark and im scared , Again i value my life and i dont want to die , there is so much i wanna do and achieve but i just lost some of the joy in things and some of the posts i read here scared me a bit

Not sure what to do , my therapy appointment is in 2 weeks and i think any meds would interfere with the acne meds

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Sometimes I have to back off from reading too many posts for exactly the reasons you describe. I know I need to remind myself that I have a mental illness that needs attention (depression/anxiety/PTSD), but to completely immerse myself in the symptoms of others (therefore triggering more of my own) is counterproductive. I read some. Offer support and move on to daily activities. I've also made some friends on this site who I communicate with almost daily; receiving strength and encouragement. Balance is the key.

[Kevin160 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Ya i just wanted to give back to a community that helped me alot , and i thought i was strong enough to take it but a few posts hit too close to home and some were completely terrifying including triggering things that made my body numb , and i just felt my heart sinking and now im worried the same things will happen to me

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Kevin160]

Then take a break.

[Kevin160 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Yeah i decided to try my best to avoid the posts for now , because it makes me bery anxious and gets me overthinking and i start to get the thoughts the poeple in the posts are getting , i imagine myself getting the same thoughts and doing the same things and its very scary

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Kevin160]

I understand. I can fall into the same trap.

[newbie56 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

It's a common trap

But we always think it's just us !

[newbie56 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

We really have too much negativity,and need to be selective.

[newbie56]

Hi, dear one.

Please remember your own words (there is so much i wanna do and achieve)

Repeat with each negative thought. Pray for peace from the One who has an unlimited supply of Holy Spirit to help you in the darkest moments. No matter what caused your fears, GOD wants to refresh you.

In life there will be times of anxiety, Kevin...but please know GOD is aware and will act in your behalf. It has been my experience.

Agape

[Kevin160 in reply to newbie56]

I just feel like i fell into a trap, and im just feeling hopeless and like im losing control , i keep getting these scary thoughts of becoming depressed and worried if i stay like this i will end up trying to hurt myself or worse, i keep imagining the things i read yesterday happening to me and i just feel my heart sinking that i might get the urge to do them , and i get weird thoughts like hurting my self in my sleep, i know its weird but i tend to get affected by the things i read , which was a mistake..

It shouldnt be a big deal but im just feeling petrified of losing control of my actions

[newbie56 in reply to Kevin160]

Kevin,

Please "learn" to rely on the One in full control. Learning & trusting is vital.

When we're learning about something or someone more important than we are, we have less time to worry about ourselves.

In fact, my joy comes from the knowledge I've gained thru the years and I want to comfort others, as I've been comforted.

I guess you could say, it's like a "circle". Like sowing seed may seem to be futile. But you really don’t know what the actual results will be.

Try it GOD's way and expect a rich reward for your efforts.

My heart aches for you Kevin, so I'm just being honest.

[Kevin160 in reply to newbie56]

I cant thank you enough for all the support, i am aware god is watching me and i hope it all goes well, i never had a problem with depression and imdont think im developing one , its just that these past few days were rough and i feel more dark than light in this life , im not suicidal but i read a post that i really shouldnt have and now im feeling very empathetic and im experiencing some of the feelings i read , its terrifying

[Beevee in reply to Kevin160]

Kevin. Buy a book called Essential Help for your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes. If you practice what this lady teaches, you will recover from anxiety and depression. The vast majority of sufferers are anxious about feeling anxious. They have become afraid of their own shadow. Fear is the root cause, or fearing the feelings of fear which is another way of describing an anxiety disorder. The book will help you to understand what is happening to you and why. Once you understand this, a lot of the fear/worry is dispelled and learn to accept those anxious thoughts and feelings. Acceptance lays the foundation of recovery where your mind and body heals itself, just like it recovers from an injury. You don’t have to do anything except allow yourself to fall into any state and question none of it. It is just anxiety. The healing process takes time. Time is the healer.

[Kevin160 in reply to Beevee]

I actually read it , and i also saw the acceptance method , face accept float and let time pass, i practice this all the time and it does help, but i want to find a way to become les vulnerable to other people's emotion , it doesnt make sense for me to panic about someone else's Life ,but i sometimes forget to practice claire weekes methods so reminding me is really helpful 💕 thank you

[Beevee in reply to Kevin160]

Keep practising acceptance. Your nerves are sensitised which causes your emotions to magnify any type of thought or feeling ten-fold giving a false importance. It just so happens that you have latched onto a reaction about other people’s problems. You then are then tricked into fearing these things which just keeps it going. This was one of the many things that happened to me but i learn5 to pu5 it all under the anxiety umbrella and accepted it all for what it was. Anxiety. Acceptance works.

[lena16]

I’m sorry, it’s hard not internalizing everything you read on here. Like other people are saying, step back when you need to. I just made a pretty negative post, but just know that it isn’t how that person feels all the time, sometimes emotions bottle up and you need to release it in that moment. Whenever I find myself internalizing a post too much I just separate myself from the situation and feelings and start thinking only as a separate third person who is there to give words of support. It’s easier said then done, but just know you’re not alone in struggling with this😊😊 we’re all hurting and sometimes giving comfort can be as rewarding as it is draining

[Kevin160 in reply to lena16]

I have been on this forum for a year and i try my best to separate myself as you said but a particular post caught me off guard and i never felt more petrified because all these feelings of hopelessness and lack of control rushed back and my mind couldnt stop circling over a few specific thoughts and i was just terrified when i felt scared because i was worried that i will end up the same way

[Kevin160 in reply to lena16]

You are so very kind and i appreciate your support, hopefully over time i will stop getting some of these thoughts and emotions that revolve around it

[lena16 in reply to Kevin160]

Don’t feel bad about caring too much, in reading your post and replies it seems that it’s because you’re kind and sensitive that you empathize so much. It’s a great thing to have empathy, but it’s also very draining. Do whatever you need to do to love and take care of yourself! I’m wishing you well and sending you positivity in a sea of negativity❤️