Hi just this moment I'm going though a very bad situation. My daughter claims that she doesn't want to live anymore! Her ex boyfriend of 5 years broke up with her last year. He treated her very bad with verbal abuse even after her grandmother passed away last year he wasn't even there for her. Finally, before her birthday he decided to not text her nor call her which made her very anxious. After, couple of months after her breakup a nice friend of her befriended her and was so carry for her and they really were having a lot of fun. She would laugh like never before but her ex found out and decided to come back into the picture only for her to push this other guy away. Now, he is doing exactly the same thing he did to her last year. She realize that but she had so many hopes. Now her depression has gotten to her and tells me I'am not a good mother and hates, hates me. She tells me to look up how I can help her....
Please does anyone know what I can do for her? Please help me!
17 Replies
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I am sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, short of suggesting she reconsider having this abusive horrible person in her life, it's up to her to learn. All you can do is present the facts as you have here: he is abusive, he is not present or ignores her in times of emotional need, and is possessive in a negative manner. Obviously, I don't know this fellow, but he sounds like someone your daughter should have kept out of her life. The other facts to present: how she feels with her current boyfriend versus this friend who made her laugh, happy, and smile. What we do know is most people who are abusive in relationships do not change, they move on to their next prey. Remind your daughter of the great, happy, and fun moments, such as the moments she had with this friend. The way she is living right now is a product of this horrible guy and his hold on her. I am sorry you are having so much difficulty with this...it truly is a fine line to have to straddle without losing your connection. Do any of her friends see this guy as a negative influence? Possibly family close to her age range? Someone around her age to have what I call a "real talk" about this guy....so that it isn't you, her mother, sounding like your dictating her life. Just my own thoughts and opinion...which I hope helps. It sounds like she has a little black cloud or balloon lingering around her that are keeping her from happiness. Once he leaves the picture, the sun can come back out. Wishing you the best for both you and her....I truly hope you can find a solution in the support here.
in reply to
Hi Veritas9983,
You hit it in the nail! I told her this man is abusive and an angry person. I told her he needs counseling because of his anger. I have reminded her of her friend that made her laugh and only concentrated on her and all the fun they had. She hears me for a moment and then she gets back on her dark side. I told her he is making all of us miserable because of the way he treats her. She is my only child and its very hard to see her like that. He was married before and left his ex-wife pregnant at six months... so that tells you how much he cares. She was making youtube channels and even that stop because of this monster.
I’m also a mother and I know how difficult it is to see our children going through problems. Just days ago, my son had some misunderstanding
with someone. I saw that he was affected by that situation. It was not easy to see my only child going through something, all I could do is talk to him, give him words of encouragement and pray.
I’m sorry that your daughter is going through this. I pray that she will soon feel alright and things will go well in your family. I hope you will stay strong and you can get the help you need. You are in my prayers. God bless.
I'm sure your daughter does not hate you, she is probably venting her unhappiness onto you because you are nearest to her, she probably hates herself for having feelings for this guy who she knows is no good for her. I have had a similar problem with my daughter in the past, and realise now that the least said the better. She obviously knows that you have her best interests at heart.
Why not arrange to take her out for a meal or somewhere she would like to go. She might open up to you more and talk about the situation. Let her know you are there for her whatever she decides. Best wishes x
Hi fauxartist, I have tried mentioning counseling and therapist to her but she denies going. She really knows how this guy is but she claims she loves him but at the sametime talks like she hates the way he is now.
Thank you very much for your input....
Hi Ward146,
I know she doesn't but when said it really hurts... :(. You understand me as a mother how hard it is... I just arrange to take her bulldog to get groomed on Friday.. hopefully she doesn't back out on me.
Thank you so much for your wishes.... God bless you!
Hi, you are very supportive and for that I'm sure your daughter is grateful.
. What is it your daughter thinks he gives her?
The reason I ask this is because when I met my ex he was lovely enough to get me to fall for him, then began the manipulation and emotional abuse. By then it was too late and I was hooked. One day I woke up and realised he needed me more than I needed him and walked.
Can you get another friend to help and keep her busy so she is not thinking about what could be all day and concentrate on her mental health. Then one day she will gain in strength and realise she deserves so much better than someone who only wants to know her when someone else takes an interest and live her life the way she should. I wish you both well ❤️
HI Applepeachpear;
Thank you! Yes, he was such a loveable person and only wanted the best for her. That only lasted a year and then he became distant with her and like I said previously, was verbal abuse with her. Calls on the phone was because he is always yelling at her. I just grinch my teeth and walk away. I dislike him so much because how he is making her life so miserable and she knows it but still doesn't want to walk away. Just right at this moment I thought of texting a friend of hers just to stop by after work since she doesn't even want to get out of bed...
Thank you for your advise and God bless you!
in reply to
Your welcome, I hope your daughter can soon be happy x
I completely understand what you're going thru. My daughter was around 21 when she moved in with her boyfriend who, as it turned out, was a huge crack head ... & of course, couldn't keep a job, had no car, etc. etc. & of course, I find out that he's not paying his share of the rent, or anything. Long story short: I really couldn't do or say anything as she was 'in love' but that love (thank God) became less & less as the months when by. She'd tell me stuff bit by bit so I'd never get the full-on story until the end. An ex-girlfriend & fellow addict came to town, he left my daughter a note & he took off. It just devastated her ... for a long, long time. But honestly, it was the only decent thing he's even done for her. She went on a long road of depression over the whole experience & it just broke my heart. But she's married now to a really nice man, & I have 2 incredible granddaughters. She's not without her issues, but she did come out the other side. So will your daughter.
So happy to hear that your daughter got out of that infernal and found happiness. I pray to God everyday for my daughter's well being. Thank you so much for your support.
Exactly, all I can do is listen and make sure I don't say a word. Anything I would say about him would make her furious. I am learning to listen more. :
Thats all we can do... just be a hearing board. Hopefully they get it and understand that all they want is to take advantage and hurt them. My daughter has developed severe depression because of this evil person and doctor had to put her on medication.. I hope he goes away so she can get off this pills... don't like them for anyone..
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