feeling down

[BethDM]

my boyfriend is giving me the silent treatment after I fight and I’m struggling

[Hidden]

Is it a regularway for him to behave?

[BethDM in reply to Hidden]

It cycles yes and every time it makes me think we are over

[Hidden in reply to BethDM]

Does he do it because it makes you feel like that...

[BethDM in reply to Hidden]

I am not sure why he does it. It hurts so much to be ignored.

[Hidden in reply to BethDM]

Have you told him how you feel about it?

[BethDM in reply to Hidden]

Yes and he said he wouldn’t do it again unless we were really over. So are we? We were having a heated argument on the phone and I asked what can I do that is best for you? And he said leave me alone. That was a week ago. I texted that I love him and I’m sorry and he hasn’t responded.

[Hidden in reply to BethDM]

Can you not go talk with him face to face instead of texting, maybe you would know better if you did.

[BethDM in reply to Hidden]

Yesterday I asked to call him and he said he was busy. Are you saying just show up to his house?

[Hidden in reply to BethDM]

Maybe its the way you have to go about sorting it..

[BethDM in reply to Hidden]

Ok…I will think about that. I started writing him a letter today…

[BethDM in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your support

[Hidden in reply to BethDM]

Thats ok, i hope you get everything sorted out..

[BethDM in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

I appreciate you

[Hidden in reply to BethDM]

Any time.

[Agora1]

BethDM, Life is too short for couples to play mind games with each other.

There is nothing we can do about another's decision except step back and

take care of your emotional welfare. Trying to guess what he wants or needs

at this time is futile, If this has been a continued pattern with him, I don't see

it changing down the road.

Actually, the choice is in your hands as how to handle this.

Meditation on Self Worth and Respect for yourself could help until you

have time to see where this all goes. Breathe.. xx

[BethDM in reply to Agora1]

Thank you

[Agora1 in reply to BethDM]

Beth, I so understand because my own daughter is going

through the same thing and it breaks my heart. I do care xx

[Xene]

Hi, keeping someone dangling on the end of a piece of string is childish and cruel! You have the power to take control of the situation but if you are scared of losing him then you’ll have to wait it out. Very sad but true.

[BethDM in reply to Xene]

Thank you

[Knit11 in reply to BethDM]

It is an abusive behavior. If he doesn't stop it, he might have anger issues. You really can't change him if he isn't willing to make an effort towards a change. Your daughter may be, even unconsciously, repeating the pattern she learns from you. Perhaps is time to show her how to be more assertive and take things in your hands

[BethDM in reply to Knit11]

Thank you

[Hidden]

I am sorry to hear that… why?

Because it is a common method used to “control” other people and often difficult to correct once it becomes part of the routine.

My mother used this technique over the years… in my case 60+ years… I would “do” something wrong and instead of asking me why I did it … switch on the silent treatment.. three days or more.

It is all about “punishing” without doing anything but being non communicative… no feedback to your own thoughts.

Most people who use it are too afraid to escalate the problem and just want it to simmer down… but those who use this towards a loved one repeatedly.. is more likely to be holding control… knowing it is causing the person not just mental turmoil but painful feelings.

My solution often came by offering an olive branch by writing a little note to explain how sad I feel… but never to extol blame.

Leave the note somewhere they can find it.. and go about your day .. try humming or smiling as if you have no issues.

People who use silent treatments do not want you to be happy if they are trying to punish you… it takes away their “power” over you.

Sadly most people who use silence are manipulating and narcissistic.

I found it often starts with the heart and mind.. showing no reaction … but forgiveness usually fixes most upsets within a relationship.. it stops resentment building and grudges becoming resistant to change.. there is so much stuff in YouTube about silent treatment.. it’s worth a little journey to understand what you may really be dealing with… I hope things settle down and that you can find true happiness…

[BethDM in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much.

[MindfulMoment]

Best way to respond to someone saying “leave me alone” is to give them exactly what they asked for. Let them see what you brought to the table, by the time they notice it just might be too late to take it back. Playing games in a relationship is petty and immature. You are worth far more than that. Go hang out with friends, live your life. Chasing after someone that isn’t man enough to speak about things until they’re resolved is pointless and demeaning.

[BethDM in reply to MindfulMoment]

Thank you.

[ElephantsHear]

This is an opportunity for you to grow/ write the letter to yourself as you’d write to a friend- encouragement/ love for yourself. These feelings are coming from your brain, so ultimately you are the one in control of them. we all want love; sometimes we romanticize/ project qualities of that person that may not be so. Try to love yourself/ focus on you. There’s a book Letting go, ch. 11-13 focus on love /acceptance. Get a library card-online books- easy to return/ or renew (clicks). I so wish you the best because that is what you deserve. Pray on it/ meditate if it’s helpful.

[BethDM in reply to ElephantsHear]

Thank you so much.

[SameTimeTomorrow7]

Is the fight you're having worthwhile, not a petty or insignificant matter? Hard to know from what you've reported. If the guy routinely shuts down when being challenged or questioned, try to find out why. If he won't engage, consider terminating the relationship. You deserve better. Best of luck!