How do you handle that low motivation and pain in your heart. I mean, I am looking for something that makes me feel happy and alive again. Something that gives me the strength to endure all the bad situations that I am going through. I feel weak emotionally and physically. The whole day and every day I am going from a bit of motivation to then nothing of it. Also from sadness to guilt, from deep fear to feeling insignificant.
I remember that I had a much better self-esteem. I always looked the good from the bad things that happened. My feelings reacted according of how I thought about life.
Now, I can't. I can do and think the same way as before but my heart and part of mi mind don't want to obey. I repeat to myself about the goods that I have in my life and I also about how much important must be take care of my self, but my feelings reacted in the worse way. It is like if my body and mind are apart from myself
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UkyoCoanccy
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Do you ever do any journaling? The reason I ask is, you can sit down in the morning and write 3 pages a day, only writing whatever comes to mind (no matter how crazy). It doesn't have to make sense, and it doesn't have to be anything but whatever you write. Just make yourself write 3 pages, and in the process, you can begin to have some insights about yourself (what you would like, what you wouldn't). I got this idea from a book called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I had gone through several years of depression and lack of creativity and these morning pages got me through it, and gave me back my creativity. You don't have to share your morning pages with anybody. Just write anything (anything at all), and you might learn more about what could motivate you better. There is no wrong way to do your morning pages. I hope this helps. Sending positive energy. 🙏🙏🙏
I am in the same situation now myself. I also am searching for meaning and self esteem. You are not alone. It seems that you are making every effort to see things in a more positive light. I admire you so much. I hope that we both find answers and get relief from these oppressive feelings,
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Contemplation 
what do i do
sos i cared too much
