This is my third post of the day, and I just don't know what to do with myself. I want to workout and do my homework but I am ungodly tired. I know it will make me feel better but the motivation is lacking heavily. I cannot stop comparing myself to my girlfriend who broke up with me because of all the fun she appears to be having and me being miserable. I know that social media is a sham and people are not always as happy as they portray but she is strong and intelligent emotionally. I was not the best boyfriend while we were dating and it stems from my anxiety, depression and lack of self esteem/confidence. I want to show her with all my heart what I am and how great we can be. As I said in earlier posts, I know it takes time and I need to take the right steps but right now I am on the verge of going to the hospital. Its been so long with barley any relief. I simply cannot live my life like this, let alone focus on school. I am an idiot, because my mom was getting mad at me because I was trying to explain to her the extent of my compulsive and anxiety filled feelings and thoughts. She did not understand nor believe the severity, and now she thinks I will commit suicide. I feel awful that she is so scared, but I am also scared as well because these feelings have become so deeply imbedded in my heart, soul, and mind that I am unable to function anywhere close to how I did even three months ago. What would a hospital even do if I walked in and asked them for help? I'm scared they couldn't do anything, but I need some type of relief. My world is imploding while it is supposed to be blossoming into the man I want to be and searching for the next chapter of my life. I need help but I don't know what to do on top of therapy and medication that does not involve putting my collegiate life on hold for a moment.
Contemplation : This is my third post... - Anxiety and Depre...
Contemplation
I'm having a rough day too, heh. Almost considered posting again myself. Today I've been trying to get work done (as it's a work day for me), but it's incredibly difficult to focus. I work remotely, too, which makes it even worse, as no one is there to put social pressure on me to work.
What both of us need to do is take our mind off the problem, and off the self-criticism (and comparing to others), but I know how hard that is. For me, reading sometimes helps. I'm reading a book "Bad Monkey" by Carl Hiaasen which is a fun crime novel. Do you have anything you can read? I force myself to get to a certain page before stopping, which helps focus my mind.
I wish I could advise you on what a hospital would do in this situation. In the midst of a horrible anxiety attack, I considered it once, but never did it. I made it through that attack by learning to cope with my physical symptoms via acceptance (the Claire Weekes' method). My current situation is hardly even physical: I have some light stomach upset, and flushed-ness, but not nearly as bad as previous attacks. Rather, the effects are mostly mental, and unfortunately my mind seems to tire out less quickly than my body.
I'm going to try some meditation. I'm not sure if that's something you can try as well.
I think maybe the approach to the mental symptoms can be the same as the physical symptoms: no matter how unpleasant it is, it is just discomfort, rather than danger. We must wait for the discomfort to pass. Fighting it is not helping. Here's what I have in my anxiety attack Google Doc, which might help you and me both.
"""
Two most important steps, in this order:
Ask yourself very directly “Are you in any danger?” The answer is almost certainly “no”. You are probably in a very, very unpleasant situation, which you don’t think you deserve, and you would really rather not be in. But it is not danger. (Are you being chased by an animal or murderer / in a burning building / heading for a cliff?) For this reason, any fight-or-flight response is not going to help you. Stop, and resign yourself to dealing with the very very unpleasant situation instead. What’s good for discomfort?
1) Chill out and wait for it to pass
2) “Float” i.e. make no effort and let the environment support you
3) Occupy yourself with current tasks
Once you’ve internalized and accepted that you are not in danger, rather you are experiencing discomfort / unpleasantness, you need to decide that you’re going to get on with life anyway. Just keep going forward, even if you’re unsure what that means in this moment. Go to work. Do the stuff you’d already planned to do. Just keep going.
Find a way to make each day not completely about your anxiety. One thing each day.
"""
Just one more:
Another option besides taking yourself to a hospital could be to call a mental health hotline e.g. suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
I am extremely thankful you sent me this
I'm glad. It's not an easy prescription to follow, but it has worked for me in the past. The hardest part was facing the situation as it is i.e. really looking at what is happening. It may seem like the easy part, because of course you're *overwhelmed* by what is happening to you. Of course you're facing it. But I actually realized that I wasn't. For example, when I said this to myself, I actually felt the grief of the situation, and allowed myself to react to it finally: "I am sitting at work, having an anxiety attack. My brain and body are screaming at me that we are in danger, but we aren't. That is very unpleasant to have to ignore. I don't understand why this is happening to me, nor do I deserve it." Only from that point on could I make any progress.
Wow I really like the “I am not in danger” approach. I think I am going to start writing that in places I frequently see to remind myself.
- if she hooks up or moves onto someone else I’m not in danger
- my homework is on my computer, it’s just a paper, it won’t hurt me. I’m not in danger.
- if I see her, I’m not in danger. She’s a person there.
- I’m not in danger.
Yes, it is a good distinction. Sometimes I imagine two diverging paths, one marked "Danger" and one marked "Discomfort" and I check which one I am on, and which one I want to walk down. Walking down "Danger" i.e. treating the feelings like danger, will only lead to more unpleasantness.
This is taken from this site:
anxietycoach.com/anxietyatt...
I also read his book "The Worry Trick". It's a bit more specific to chronic worrying e.g. if you have worries like "What if I get sick?" popping up a lot, but has lots of helpful stuff in general for anxiety. I liked this snippet from it, just to offer another metaphor:
"""
What you have is the emotion of feeling nervous. It’s okay to feel nervous. You probably really, really dislike the emotion, but it’s like the experience of sitting in an uncomfortably warm room, not like camping in a forest fire. It’s discomfort, not danger. You might be sitting in an uncomfortably warm room and reading about a forest fire, or watching a movie about a forest fire, but it’s still just discomfort, no matter how realistic the film is or how vivid the description.
"""
Stay strong. This too shall pass..! I’ve been in jail, unemployed... lost my friends and apartment and school in Boston to move back to my abusive father and his toxic parents and have not been able to get a job and move out in 3 years and I’m terrified I’ll never get married or be a mother so I get it!! My life feels like an endless cycle of misery... but you can’t just focus on the negative.. you have to keep fighting! I think about the fun I had in Florida and Boston and how I feel Gods love when I’m in worship at my church Passion city church (super famous) and honestly just stay busy and find things to laugh about and people to help me stay even keeled and school keeps me fairly busy... and just ONE day at a time...5 years from now we could look back and say man I’m so glad I made it past that I am so much stronger! I am 7 mo sober and a year ago I was so bad off I spend $7000 in 3 weeks... life gets better if you seek God and trust Him and just take baby steps... I struggle!! I get it.... I am here for you
Thank you for sharing your story. You motivate me to stay strong and positive. I dearly respect what you've gone through and could not even imagine how strong you really are now. My feelings inside are just hindering my ability to do what I know needs to be done. I did workout, do my laundry, and make a salad tonight! Most i've done in like two weeks!! Just need to keep my mind looking toward the future and stop dwelling on things I cannot change, such as the past and others. I am here for you as well and know that we have so many amazing things in store!
Wholefoods, everything happens for a purpose, this is no less true of the situation you now find yourself in.
I think you are heartbroken by the break up with your girlfriend. No shame in that. I could tell you that romance is a trick of emotion nature plays in order to ensure we find a mate and perpetuate the species. Only our beloved will do. But it isn't true, lovers are like buses, there will be another one along in a moment.
I could tell you that but you wouldn't believe me. So what to do?
Your relationship broke up because your anxiety made her anxious, she found depression depressing. No point in getting back with her now, nothing has changed and it would just be an action replay.
So your plan is this. You are going to take time to become the person you want to be.
You are going to shed the anxiety and acquire a confidence you didn't have before and charm you never had time to develop. From now on everything you turn your hand to needs to be a success. So you acquire a reputation as a winner, a fun guy everyone wants to know. It won't happen overnight of course.
Then one fine day many moons hence you make sure your paths cross again. She will sense the transformation, the metamorphosis, instantly. But stay casual, dude, let her make the running, just make sure you've a nice kinda smile on your face.
Isn't that worth striving for, Wholefoods? Do you now have a goal in life or not?
That was very inspiring thank you. The only one part that didn’t stick was that while I was happy with her I was a fun guy. I just need to work on everything else. My goal is to become the best version of myself that I can be and be as successful and happy as I can be. One day I hope to get her again because she tried to help with my issues but I didn’t fully allow it. Thank you for you I sught
Go to the hospital. Get a fresh start. Begin someplace safe. No worries about mom or gf or anybody but you. This is one of those moments that change your life. Make the right decision and let someone help you get on the right track.
Doaty💛
I absolutely agree-I think you need to go into the hospital to get sorted out.
Yes that’s great you were productive! That’s huge! Days my anxiety and depression gets to me sometimes I just watch tv and don’t even get out of bed! We’re all human 🤷🏻♀️
And thank you for your kind words I am definitely a work in progress but I’m just trying to stay focused and believe God will get me out of this toxic situation if I don’t give into temptation and sadness 😏
100% can relate. I have slept an insane amount this week and it's hard for me to get out of bed most days, and it's also very hard to just come back from class and not lay down and sleep more and more. God and I believe in you, that you will not give into your temptation again! Stay strong always you're not alone.
I once went to the hospital for my anexity i was so scared and i left work that day from a full blown breakdown. All they do is evaluate your current state with a doctor. They also have you talk to the mental health department. In my case by the time i talked to everyone and saw the doctor. My anexity symptoms were gone and we were able to come to a plan to get better. I got counselling and these were my first steps on my road to recovery. This was last year in the summer. Since then i have gotten less anexify attacks and my depression is under control. Get the help you need know before it gets worst. Fear is holding you back
I am going to therapy and also taking meds. I'm trying my very best to do get better using these methods by my therapist at school suggested I go to an in or outpatient program due to my intense lack of progress. Instead I'm planning on finding a counselor who can see me multiple times a week. Fear is holding me back though you are correct.
Good to hear! Your taking all the right steps! Things will get better! And this is coming from someone who struggles with a pessimistic point of view.. i struggle daily to see the positive in any situation. You got this!
I was in your shoes once! With my ex who climbed on my shoulders in order he advance in his career and social life, I see his profiles he's happy and having fun while I am stuck in The same level and o. Top I have the kids responsibility as he is not involved in anything. Yesterday I had the worse day ever, no energy, Only anger and stress! And I haven't slept for 24 hrs!
But my friend, at a point of our life we will have our hearts broken, we will be disappointed, especially when we trust people in our lives and it will break us when we see the other person moved on so quickly and how happy they are and we want to seek the same happiness they have but we feel handcuffed! Time to break this,
You know what you can do?? Take a nice cold shower first it will boost your energy up, eat big spoon of honey! Honey have enzymes in which will boost the good mood! Then get dressed go for a walk. Do you have a pet???? A dog a cat?? If not I advice bring one! Especially dogs take the dog for walks.
You know what's better than meditation? Do Thai chi, if you have any venter near by or check online.
And buy a book 😊 jokes book! Or watch comedy central, let's boost a laugh!
Laughter is what you need! What we all need. Medications are only a small help, try to call a friend and go out for a comedy movie. Try not to stay home.
I am now doing this! And since yesterday I wake up relaxed. And re doing it now. Don't let your house be the cage of sadness. Invite friends around for a small dinner and in house dinner.
Thank you for your advice! I'm trying to do little things to make these steps to recovery easier. Like today I woke up for class and made my bed. I know what I need to do but it's hard to bring myself to do them.
The 1st step is the hardest, but once done then your entire routine will change
If he ends up marrying the woman he cheated on me with, I am not in danger. They are just too people who may end up marrying each other.
Breath... sometime you need to take breath in these situations.
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