I’m using my energy on my kids. They are my life. But I have not much left to give today. I want to end it. I’m weak right now. I know I can’t leave my kids ...how much horrible suffering it would be for them . So I won’t leave them. They have my heart. But in my mind I can’t stop thinking of ending it. I can’t think of any other way out. My motivation is low. I’m doing the best I can. I wish I would accept and love myself the way I do others. Going to sit in the sun. I am saying a prayer for those going through similarand for all my friends who stick by me.Let’s hang in there one more day. ❤️
I am in so.much. pain. I can’t keep p... - Anxiety and Depre...
Where I wonder does that not being enough stem from. My therapist is always reminding me I’m good enough just how I am... maybe you can say that to yourself. What is normal? We are all weird in our own way and that’s not even a bad thing.
Do you get glimpses of happiness at all? Something you can look forward to maybe? Something that touches your heart?
Me too... I can be having the rare, ( and getting rarer - is that a word even??? ), "good day", and thoughts of self-harm and death are STILL there - like some kind of nasty "malware" programme - that's always and forever running in the background. I've always been like that - as long as I can remember. If I were a computer, "DEPRESSED" would be my OS. :-<
What is your problem can I help ? Is the problem related to Lock down and being restricted with your children, Are they climbing the Walls ?
Many people are going spare with what is going on. In my case the problem is we are having to get deliveries for everything and that just seems to restrict what our needs and expectations are. I suppose when all this is over things will be changing and we will be restricted and prevented going out to town. We will be doing everything on the NET.
Are you stuck in the house, sometimes we may love everyone around us, although sometimes you can have to much of a good thing.
I am having problems in the garden, I keep falling down or I become dizzy so Hazel is working like a little Beaver and all I can do is do all the Dead Heads.
Everyone needs fresh air, in the UK they have opened up to two people of the same residence/ family to go out for walks together, last week it was one person outside once and the other person needed to take the dog out on their own. So it was nice today going out together once more. Our Pax was over the moon.
Is it your Depression etc is being affected, You really need to divert your thoughts and look for positive outlets, ME TIME DOES HELP.
Thank you Starlight I will take advice
Fifty years ago when I qualified I had to stand in for another Leader, She did the Trampoline so for me it was an experience. Now I suppose my days of jumping on a Trampoline are over.
It is nice especially with your kids you are all doing things together.
All the Blue Bells are out in the garden at this time and it is really nice to just sit outside and watch them. The garden is really coming to life and Hazel Peoney Borders are also beginning to flower, we are still getting blossom in the Orchard the bees and insets seem to be doing their job at this time. This is lifting our mood and we see positive changes in the garden, that fights all the negativity of this virus
You and Family, KEEP WELL
Starlight I hear you and understand your thoughts and feelings. I’m hear to listen - this community got me through last night. I feel similar; I’m being told it’s my depression talking. I have done everything (lots of meds, ECT, multiple hospitalizations, lots of therapy) and I’m sill suffering...please take care and keep reaching out to this group
I understand. My last 2.5 weeks has been utter hell for me. I can barely get off the couch. Numerous breakdowns. Dont know what day it is and don't care. Called my doctor on Monday and another rx was added. I'm hoping it will give me some relief. I hope I didn't bring you down further bc that was not my intention. I too need to get this out.
Oh no - I feel so, so sad for you 💛 and for Starrlight 💛
Please know that there are many people keen and willing to reach out to you.
We may not be of much practical use (especially the way things are currently), but we have broad shoulders and we can listen.
Sometimes, all you need to know is that someone's there; you're not alone and you're being heard.
Starrlight, you may not feel strong at this very moment, but just ask your children and they will tell you how very strong you have been and how much strength you have given them 💜
Some days are like that... Even a cluster of days. That's precisely the time you need to be relentlessly kind to yourself! Now more than ever. Rid yourself of whatever or whoever it is that's making you doubt your own worth. Tune them out, cut them out - whatever works for you and whatever is within your control. Enlist help if you need it. When your wellbeing is as precariously poised as this, radical measures are called for.
It is the mission of this forum and the wonderful people who inhabit it to raise you up when your spirit takes a dive. Please know that we are willing you to grasp our hand/s and dig yourself out of the slump in which you find yourself. It is hard, but not impossible. You have gotten rid of dead wood and that is a constructive start. Let's see where we can go from here...
I will take all the rooting I can get! I’m nervous 😬 because I don’t want to fail. But as long as I try my best being true to myself I guess there’s no way it can be a complete fail. I want to come out stronger, happier , peaceful, and more balanced. I will be going on Zoloft today. I’ll probably stay at the crisis care for about 5 days. Take care my friend ❤️
Have time for yourself, massage and other things like that. You matter, so take time for yourself and do things that you like to do, listening to the music you like, colouring in adult colouring book the colours and combinations you like and other exercises that you can do and enjoy - exercise as much as you want - do what makes you happy! Eating the things you like, etc
Hi starr. I’m with indie....be kind to yourself. I get it. I have days like that too. Today when I realized I wasn’t feeling so great mentally, I just decided to accept it. It is what it is and it’s just going to be one of those days so I gotta roll with it. I know I h ave days that are better and that’s what carries me through. Idk if that helps you or not.
You just hit the anxiety nail on the head. Just accept it and roll with the punches. If you try to punch back, it just gets stronger and punches harder. By rolling with those punches, anxiety eventually tires and punches itself out. Acceptance saps the strength of those punches and before long, the final bell sounds and you are crowned the undisputed heavyweight champion of the world!
I can relate I am always in so much pain, my anxiety manifests physically. I get lightheaded, heart palpitations, I don’t even want to get up. I have 2 kids that need me as well and that has so much energy it’s exhausting. As you I feel like I have no reason to feel like this idk what is wrong. I do have an appointment tomorrow to get blood test done and vitals, I feel I need some kind of reassurance. Know your not alone and I’m here to talk if you need to.
I already feel like I’ve failed my kids. Because of how I feel. It’s almost like I’m waiting for the worse thing I could doto happen. But I know I’m a good mom because I love them with all my heart and do everything i can for them but I just still feel like a failure I guess all I can do is my best I want to feel good enough. You seem stronger than me. I think I’m going to have a breakdown.
I'm there with you. I don't never want to die, but some times it seems the only way to have some peace in my life. I remember telling my therapist one day, I understand why people do it because there comes a time when you get sick and tire of being sick and tire and you just want out. However, I could never do this because I want to live as long as God allows me to, although its a struggle, I believe I will stay in the fight.
I know it is scary but you know from experience that it will end.
Do what you have to to keep yourself safe although I agree with your concerns about the virus. You can call a crises line just to talk I think. I imagine that you call your counselor or doc if you have to also.
You can also talk to yourself and us on here. No one is sick of hearing from you. Keep in touch. I hope you can eventually get on a more even keel. You deserve that. ❤️
What makes you feel happy??do you get more positive when you are with your children??I was very inspired by Howard Storm s near death experience on you tube. It helped me see another perspective. And Kelly Brogan s book " a mind of your own " has lots of information on how the right food can reverse depression. Basically non processed, no sugar no dairy. Eat fresh fruit, veg , eggs, fish and a bit of meat. For me it made a difference to my depression from the third day and gave me tons of energy. Don t give up. Maybe there is a way. Maybe we are spiritual beings having a human experience.......
Hey Starrlight ❤️
I promise you that if you start learning to accept how you are thinking and feeling you will get better. Confidence and resilience will return. Peace of mind and body will also return and you can once again enjoy the sunshine.
By accepting, you’re not giving the symptoms you constantly struggle with, as much focus. You’re not constantly monitoring yourself or trying to fix anything and so your attention focuses on other things, such as your family.
Also when you stop struggling with anxiety and leave it be, you feel better as it is the struggle that causes the majority of your suffering as in reality you are just struggling with yourself.
It’s a condition of our own making. The more we struggle and fight against it, the more energy and power we give it. Your heart might feel like its racing. You might be having very upsetting or frightening thoughts, feelings of inadequacy. You cannot stop it mentally. You literally can’t do anything about it. You have to feel it all. It’s not something you need to enjoy or like feeling or to even love yourself! It’s not pleasant but it’s just feeling it and not doing anything to try and change it. You are still, by the sounds of things, trying to change the way you feel and think and questioning it all. Recovery will happen, slowly but surely when you understand that there is absolutely nothing you can do to change how you are currently feeling. I know exactly how you feel. It’s just anxiety making you think and feel the way you do. I’ve been there and also have first hand experience of the power of acceptance over anxiety.
It’s nota method or some form of distraction. It’s just having a different attitude towards the symptoms. Instead of begging it to all go away Instantly, it’s about letting it stay for as long as it likes and getting on with your life.
You need to see the cycle you are in to be able to cease the fear cycle you are stuck in. Once you see this, the vicious cycle can be broken and given time, your symptoms will gradually weaken and lose their ability to strike fear into you because you are no longer constantly recreating them. You step out of that cycle by no longer trying to step out of that cycle.
I hope this starts to make sense Starrlight and happy to help further.
Just practice it my lovely 🥰 Just keep practicing. Roll with those punches. That is all you can do.
Please visit a website called anxietynomore.co.uk and read some of the comments underneath the latest blog by Paul David. The more you understand, the easier it will be to accept. It takes time for it to click into place and “get it” but it will happen. I was the same. I didn’t get it but eventually I did and all the symptoms faded away.
My memory isn’t all that, but your name stands out as someone who is always making positive posts. It does feel that depression can make me a burden. But, I think that is distorted thinking. Trust in it when others say you brighten their day. That’s part of the disorder, for me, when I think I am a burden or a screw up. Because really I am competent and helpful.
This strikes deep in my heart. The pain and suffering of depression is so unbearable that even breathing seems difficult at times. The thought of death is always on my mind because I see no future and no hope. I pray constantly for this burden to be eased up and never feel relief. I will pray for you, because you are valuable to your children and to yourself. Every day take one step at a time and one worry at a time. Always challenge the negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. The journey is slow and difficult but you are never alone in your suffering.
I relate to you. It’s unbearable with little hope sometimes. I f do recall good days though so hanging in for those.
Thinking of dying but then feel more depressed that I’m where I am and that I could possibly think of that with my beautiful amazing loving kids who need me. I ed been having trouble with intrusive thoughts and with thinking positive. Trying. Blessings to you, beautiful!
Yes the journey to getting better is slow, but what matters is the small steps to recovery but because it’s slow it seems like things never get better but they will. Right now I have been dealing with a major depressive episode since January with no relief and I know the the struggle and I know I will feel better. I hope this helps you.
You are very strong, and a very good mama! Keep doing your thing, I promise you will get through it! 1 Corinthians 10:13 says "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." Sending a prayer to you and your family! God bless you!