Rejection Breeds Obsession

[Raggedy-Ann]

I heard that the other day and keep thinking about it.

I have experienced that. My last relationship was with a narcissist. I didn't understand what was wrong. everything was about him. I did everything I could to help him to be happy and I disappeared. 8 years later he is treating me like dirt. He cheated on me of course. Hestarted to move her in before I finished moving out. He hung her clothes in the closet right next to mine. we broke up officially two weeks later. NYE 2017

we continued to talk and text until NYE 2022. I stopped communicating with him many times in between. He would complain about his new girlfriend to me. I enjoyed listening to him having the same issues I had with him only now he was on the receiving end. They broke up a lot and he would always call me telling me all about her cheating... He asked many times if he could come see me. I held a firm no.

I think this cutting off of any communication is helping me. I need to get unstuck. I deleted pictures of him, deleted emails.... he was crushing to me, I just want to stop thinking about him. Why can't stop thinking about him.

[AnxiousSilver]

"Why can't stop thinking about him."

How long were you with him?

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to AnxiousSilver]

8 years

[SayNOtoPanic]

I think cause you never stopped talking to him so he’s always been a part of your life to some degree after the break up. Don’t be hard on yourself. You’re human. The fact that you held a firm no about meeting up or becoming more than just communication is gold. Be proud of yourself. Is there a specific reason you stopped communicating with him after 2022? As a friend.

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

He lied to me, a lot. I told him that if we were going to be friends, that he had to tell his girlfriend. I didn't want to be dirty little secret anymore. I put myself in her shoes and I hated the lies and secrets I endured. I wasn't going to be that person. Then he lied again.

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

That makes total sense. Wow. What a shame though. I mean he can’t even be a good friend to you and can’t get out of a relation that’s not healthy for him either. May you be a sent a beautiful new friendship and relation. Hugs. Xo

[Scarlett28]

I understand your pain but have no advice.

I am speaking to and now visiting my ex again, whom I couldn’t wait to get away from a year ago. Although even more guarded now. If I had just one person to hang out with for walks & to confide in, it may be a different story.

I admire your strength.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

At one point in my life I looked at all the men I had either married or otherwise had relationships with. I realized that although the names and faces were different-it was the same guy!

After doing some soul searching and boundary setting I was able to change.

I wish you well.

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I have been thinking about that too but more looking at my own behavior in those relationships. I need to change that. I decided I am in no position be in another relationship, maybe forever.

[Hidden]

Hi,I'm wondering if it's because you had to find out the hard way that he is like this? No one likes to have the wool pulled over their eyes. It sounds like you're still hanging onto him in some way. It sounds like what I'm dealing with, to be honest. I had a great friend and support in someone who turned on me. This was a year ago, but I'm still angry at this person and angry that this happened. I told my husband yesterday, "why couldn't she have introduced me to her nasty side first? This would be SO much easier if she had". As well as being angry at this person, I am also angry with myself because I chose not to heed all the red flags. I like to see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt. I've learned the hard way that there are those who sniff that out (so to speak) and mess with it.

[Raggedy-Ann]

well he cheated on someone else with me, and cheated during our relationship ..... this time he fell in love or lust with the other woman. He told me how "she acted like a little girl and fucked like a whore". That's what made him so happy, a little girl whore.

[Sawdust23]

Hi. I hope you can find some peace and definitely lots of self love as you navigate these difficult waters in your relationship with him. Remember you matter and are valuable on your own. So however this relationship ends up, keep reminding yourself how worthy you are of being loved and respected in life. We’re here for you. Thanks for sharing.

[Raggedy-Ann]

He kept asking if I would move back to the city and I firmly said no. I can never go back. He has asked to come visit me and I firmly said no. He can make me waiver and I would prefer to stand firm in my resolve.