my mom died

[rbbmessenger]

my mom died. she was bed ridden for awhile. so it wasn't a "surprise". we were not really close the last few years . I live in the other side of the state and she could travel less and less when we visited it was kind of awkward . my dad loves to talk and talks extensively . I asked my mom and dad to visit us once but she told me that she always hated the east side ( where I live) so we always go there . the time before the last time I saw her she told me that she loved me but it just seemed too I don't know. now she gone and any chance to reconnect is lost.

[SurvivingEveryday]

I am so sorry for your loss! I was just coming into the forum to post an update on a situation I am in, saw this post and felt compelled to write.

I have gone through something similar with a family member when she passed. I had so much guilt, worry, and felt like things were left unsaid. But, in time I have come to realize that I did everything I could (at that time) and that the person knew I loved her, and I knew she loved me.

I think we often get into the mindset of "how the person was at the time of their death" is all that matters. Like, we forget that they had a full life prior that, and that our relationship ebbed and flowed. I bet you anything your mom loved you. It is evident you loved her as you took the time to post here. That shows character.

Take some time, remember the good times you had together, and focus on that. I am not religious but I think that, at the time of passing, we forgive people and become enlightened to what really matters.

[rbbmessenger in reply to SurvivingEveryday]

wow thank you for your post . you better articulated many of my feelings

[012703060610]

I am so sorry for your loss. No matter what the relationship is or was or could have been, losing a parent is very painful. These are the people who have truly known us for our whole lives. I empathize with your situation as I am in a similar place.

My Mom is in hospice but we live on two sides of the country. She is end stage Parkinson’s so the times we talk can be very strange due to some dementia. I am from a family with three girls. My parents chose to retire to where my one sister had kids first. As time passed into their retirement, it too became a one way street. We needed to get to them always. Then once I had kids I really thought my parents would make more of an effort to be with my kids. No such luck. They have had to raise my sisters kids because she is an addict. They are grown and out of the house. Yet my parents missed a decade getting to know my kids. Over the course of the last year, they finally realized they enabled my sister and essentially spent no time with me or my other sister. I worry with how I will feel. I did plan a flight over a Labor Day weekend to see them, but without the kids. I want the time with my mom and my dad. I know I will likely never get over how things will have ended. I know they are hurting and so am I. But what I know even more is that there was a lot of love in our home and my parents have been there for me, albeit far away.

@survingeveryday has an excellent response. There was a life time to think about versus just the end. I am hoping when her time comes she is finally relived of her pain and will know she was loved. I hope you can fine some peace with some good memories. There is always the good and the bad in life….take it one day at a time. I am sure your feelings are all over the place and confusing at the same time. Please make sure to take care of yourself too! Sending all healing vibes your way.

[rbbmessenger in reply to 012703060610]

thank you . seems you are in a same space. mist all my family lives near each other my family is the "odd man out" my kids as they got older were ignored ( maybe too strong a word) and we had to visit over there. I am feeling confused and appreciate the good vibes

[bonkers65]

I'm so sorry for your loss

[gajh]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you are here. You are not alone.

[Stippler]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I am holding you and your family in prayer. 🙏🙏🙏

[Agora1]

rbbmessenger, My sincerest condolences on the loss of your mother.

May she rest in peace.

[hopeforjoy]

I'm sorry that your Mom has passed, my friend. My only piece of advice would be this: don't let inappropriate guilt rob you of appropriate grief. You'll have to be intentionally kind to yourself in order to have room for the grieving process.

[hypercat54 in reply to hopeforjoy]

What a great response and you are completely right.

[rbbmessenger in reply to hopeforjoy]

thank you really good advice

[rbbmessenger]

wow thank you everyone. I haven't really talked to anyone about this mix of feelings. what a great response from this community. thank you

[Vasiliki99]

SO SORRY death is so weird and grief - can talk to her now wish her the best on her spiritual journey - in 300 years who could she be - 300 who was she - where was she - spirituality can ease boundaries

[Vasiliki99 in reply to Vasiliki99]

It's true was I going to be me forever no , sun dies in a billion

[rbbmessenger in reply to Vasiliki99]

thank you