Missing Mom

[Dahlia36]

I just really miss my mom. I’m 36 and wasn’t ready to not have her in my life anymore. She was my friend. I talked to her about everything. I’ve recently passed 4 board exams and graduated from the dental hygiene program (which was harder than becoming a teacher) and I can’t talk to her about any of these things. She was in my dream this morning. It wasn’t anything pivotal but it was nice to see her in it. I’m home while my husband’s at work and I should go grocery shopping and make food. Ive started my morning sobbing and these emotions are so exhausting that I’ll probably need to go back to sleep. I know I’m not alone but I feel alone. My friends and family who know that I’m dealing with the loss of my mom see a different side of me. They don’t know how painful it is for me to be home by myself with all this time to think and feel. I thought about texting one of them but decided to post on here instead. When I was in school I was so busy that I actually scheduled time to grieve. Now that I’m not as busy, I feel like I’m grieving all the time. Everything has changed since mom unexpectedly died in September and I feel like my heart is broken. Just when I start to feel like I’m coping better, I’m blindsided. My husband is the only one who sees how shattered I am. He has been my rock and for that I am grateful. I also struggle so much with feeling worthless because while I have this free time I should be enjoying my time, painting, shopping, cooking, keeping up with the apartment, etc... Everything takes so much energy that I usually only get one or two things done a day-if that. My dad’s not coping well. He drinks every day and I worry that he’s going to slowly kill himself by drinking and not taking proper care of himself. I think my medication needs to be changed or adjusted but I am putting off the doctor’s appointment because money is tight and I don’t have insurance. I know there are things I could and should be doing to make myself feel better-go for a walk, meditate, participate in a hobby, gratitude journaling, etc. but it’s so hard to do even the smallest task. My mom was the one I turned to when I needed support and now she’s gone. There is no one like her and no one can replace the important roles she served in my life. This month on the 18th, it will be 8 months to the day. I’m always going to miss her and it’s always going to hurt. Hopefully as time goes on it will hurt less. Thanks for letting me share my feelings. I’m just so sad and while I know it’s not true, I can’t help but feel like no one understands.

[Hidden]

Oh how I feel for you....I lost my mom 30 years ago...I miss her every day also, she was my best friend..we did everything together...saw her at least twice a day if not more......it took me a good 10 years to really accept it...I know I'm a slow one...give yourself the time you need..everyone has their own pace...be kind to yourself....talk to her...I talk to my mom all the time...oh how my heart goes out to you...I'm here for you!

Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!!!

[Dahlia36 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you 💕💚

[Hidden in reply to Dahlia36]

Did you draw the picture? It's lovely!

Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!!!

[Dahlia36 in reply to Hidden]

Yes, I did. Thank you. I want to eventually get a tattoo something like it. Dandelions were our thing and Mom used to always say Que Sera Sera.

[Hidden in reply to Dahlia36]

You are very talented....my mom and I would sing that song...funny how paths can cross!

Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!

[Dahlia36 in reply to Hidden]

You made me smile when I read that you and your mom used to sing that song. Thank you for the compliment too. I appreciate you reaching out to me. I hope you have a great day!

[Hidden in reply to Dahlia36]

It's my pleasure...goodness...oh how we would sing together...such fond memories...I'd love to get to know you better...would you like me to pm you?

More dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy n hugs!!!

[Dahlia36 in reply to Hidden]

I think I sent you a pm. If I did it right😂.

[Hidden in reply to Dahlia36]

Yep I got it! Yippee!!! XXX

[Hidden in reply to Dahlia36]

I was 30 when I lost my mom..we have some things in common here! XXX

[Hidden]

I just read your homepage..my mom was 57, the day before her 58th birthday. I was 30 and 6 weeks away from giving birth to my 3rd child...it was very intense ....I found out she was passing 6 hours before I watched her take her last breath...if I can help you in any way just let me know...

Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!

[Dahlia36 in reply to Hidden]

I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. Thank you for the love, peace, light, and joy as well. Sending all of those things back at you!🤗

[Hidden in reply to Dahlia36]

Oh no need to be sorry...it really threw me for a long and winding loop..but believe me...it does get better....don't be hard on yourself....if you feel the want to share I'll help you in any way I can...you may pm me...

More dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!