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My mom has Alz, she recently had surgery, she lives over 300 miles from me. At the time, i didnt want to go visit to give suport. I had reasons, work, money, such as that. I was talked into going by my coworker which i'm glad she did. I arrived at my destination at 8pm. She asked me why i didnt go to the nursing home where my mom was. I told her it was dark, and i couldnt see too well at, not to mention i just drove over 300 miles to get there by myself. She told me youre always making excuses, and she didnt mean to hurt my feelings. She did, i cried real hard after my moms surgery, it may have been grom bundled emotions. My sister told me the dr. Wants to see mom in 2 weeks. If the sugery didnt work hes ta lking amputation. Im choosing not to go this time. I keep asking myself does it make me a bad person.

6 Replies

Does your sister live closer? No, it does not make you a bad person.


No all my family lives near my mom.


No it does not make you a bad person. What even makes a bad person? You went out to see her and that was a wonderful gesture and definitely something a good person would do. Someone who at least tries to be good is what defines a good person.

Listen, you have a life which is full of responsibilities and not everything can be dropped right away for something else. And I'm sure it causes you a lot of stress as well to go out all that way and see her. My mother right now is battling cancer and it causes me boatloads of stress every day. So I understand having a lot of confusing emotions about that.

My advice is to keep in contact with her for now especially since this is a hard time. But don't let your life get badly shaken by it. My mother's cancer has had a huge effect on my life and my world feels like it's falling apart sometimes but it's extremely important not to start throwing your life out of whack because of it. It will build stress for you and undoubtedly build stress for your mother and people who care about you.

I'd suggest making time to be supportive when everyone can calmly get together without having to worry about money or jobs. Pay attention to when the opportunity may come though. And keep her in mind.

Best wishes to you! Stay strong ✊️




No you are definitely not a bad person. You live a long way away and cant just drop everything at a moments notice to be there. Your mum has other family there and its natural they would be able to see her a lot more than you.

Make sure you keep in touch with your family though so they know you are thinking about her. Is it possible to Skype your family and even your mum? Can she deal with telephone calls? You can also send her little things she might like or a bunch of flowers or something from time to time.

This will show your family that you are doing what you can even if you can't be there physically.

You sound like a good caring daughter.


I keep in touch with my brother and sister, they dont do the skype thing. Mom on occasion is just physicaly there.


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