Struggling

The pain feels like an open wound from the inside . I’ve been going through seasons of depression/anxiety which lasts for months at a time. Currently in one and it sucks. Hard to get out of bed and even work consistently to make a living. Due to this, I can’t even afford the therapy I desperately need.

Ashamed because if you knew me I’m completely opposite when I’m not in this mental state. Opposite of the darkness I feel.

Debating if I should post this or not … I need to be kinder to myself but having great difficulty doing that right now .

[Marysblue]

I know how you feel. And I know it's difficult to be kind to yourself when you're depressed when that's exactly what you need. Surely nothing to be ashamed of. I'm currently trying to wean off some medicines that I had great hope for..it sucks. I know this is asking a lot but can you exercise, that will charge you out of a mood. I try to do 20 minutes a day. It helps. I'm glad you're aware that this will pass. Baby steps? do one nice thing for yourself each day Write down any good things in your life no matter how small and remind yourself of them. I needed to remind myself, so glad you posted.

[Hidden in reply to Marysblue]

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It meant a lot to me. Thank you - I have a journal where I usually list my victories ( no matter how small) and you just reminded me that I need to take some time today to do that. I also used to do “grateful walks” but I haven't been doing them recently. I’ll try to go today.

Please take care and I hope you have a good day ❤️.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Recognising victories in your journey is very important. This year I built a mindset of taking long term delayed gratification too seriously which made me not celebrate reaching the end of my university year with a good grade because I felt there is still more to do. So while others were rewarding themself I went back to study which is very destructive I've learnt in a hard way. Now I try and say how grateful I am for the little things in life and recognise that I have made steps worth appraising.

You mentioned you go through seasons of depression and anxiety and what I'm doing now is creating my own personal guides on how to overcome the situation of being in a very bad mental state again. This will have all the methods I tried and what was effective and what I must maintain to keep a healthy mindset. Maybe if you can think back to what you did when these seasons began to fade away, it could possibly help to do the same things or improve on what you did or find something new that helps and note them down for next time?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

That is such a GREAT idea of listing down a guide of what’s worked for me in the past ! When I get into a pit, I kick myself for not remembering how I got out of a storm - maybe because I’m so happy that I got out of it that I don’t think ahead of possibilities that it may happen again … I know - not really smart thinking on my part. But having written guides would really help me big time.

Thank you so much for responding. I appreciate you taking the time to help me. I hope you have a blessed day.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm happy that I can provide some helpful advice.

I don't blame you for trying to leave behind the negative experience when you start to feel happy again. I do it too and I don't want to maintain these techniques I've learnt because I feel like just forgetting about the whole experience. However, life isn't so fair and we can't get too comfortable because we can be brought back down at any moment.

So preparation will keep us stable and ready to counter-attack.

I wish you the best of luck.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you 😭. I wish you the best of luck, too!

[fauxartist]

Glad you posted, and it always seems to help me to get it out, I hope it helps you too. I have depression, and it's a monster....it just sucks the life out of you, so I do empathize with how you feel,...but it's not your fault, so you should never feel ashamed, or guilty....it just is what it is, it's a chemical thing, and you don't need a reason to feel sad, you just do, it's the disease....I can tell you that for me....knowledge is power.... if you can't afford therapy, be your own advocate....learn and read as much as you can about this disease and find out ways to cope the best you can. There are days you just have to white-knuckle it through that abyss...but you will eventually get out of it....it is cyclical....yours unfortunately sounds like it lasts a very long time. I know that extenuating factors increase and extend those dark days....having things come up from your past, or present hardships, all that plays on making this thing stretch out....that's where your self awareness can help, try and figure out what is rumination about negative stuff is playing into this, if there were issues in your past that play on your depression...all of this understanding helps put things in perspective.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much for your encouraging words ♥️. It’s so difficult to push through this and hearing that others have struggled (or are struggling ) as well really helps me feel like I’m not alone and going crazy 😰. This disease can really make one feel so very lonely and isolated.

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

No....your definitely not alone....there are millions of us...but it doesn't make it any better when your circling the abyss with the down side of this thing. You deserve to be validated for what your feeling is genuine. Forget about ignorant stigma and stupid comments about just getting over it. Keep reaching out here, and keep sharing, it takes just a little bit of the power out of the pain of what your going through....it is something that is part of us, and we have this extra added burden to carry in this life, but remember that it also takes great courage and your stronger than you think....you just take it a day at a time, get through the day, and believe that this chemical thing is deceiving your brain, and there doesn't have to be any reason your feeling crappy, so don't look for it, you don't have to justify yourself to anyone about dealing with this, it's just part of who you are...everyone has their stuff....you will find a way....and hopefully find some way to be happiesher and have some better days ahead of you.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

♥️♥️♥️!!! Thank you for your encouragement!!! I needed that !!!!!

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

anytime....