Has having an anxiety disorder been a blessing or hindrance to your life?

[sotired67]

I've had an anxiety disorder since my childhood and despite trying various things to control it or eliminate it, it has proven to be very difficult to do.

With that in mind, I reckon that trying to accept that this is something I have to live with, is probably the best thing, even though doing that, at least, at the present time is easier said than done.

Simply because it's been a part of me for most of my life, and I really can't recall a time in the past half a century that my mind and body have been balanced in terms of only feeling anxious during situations in which feeling anxious is normal.

Also, my self-esteem has been affected by the disorder.

I haven't established, achieved, or maintained much in terms of employment and relationships, and I put that down to the hold that the anxiety has had over me.

To be more precise, I've often let irrational fear hold me back and I naturally miss out on the things in life that people without an anxiety disorder enjoy.

As I've aged, I also find that the anxiety affects my mood and I often feel depressed and have been dealing with it by comfort eating, and that has led to physical health problems in terms of obesity

along with the possibility of developing type two diabetes.

I've also been feeling very fatigued and tired for several years, in fact, that is becoming a serious cause of concern for me and again it affects my mood, in terms of feeling so weak at times that I have to lie down until I am able to rise.

My sleep pattern is affected and I often find it very difficult to settle down and get a good night's sleep.

I then start a new day, feeling tired as the day before with my mood more or less the same as the day before, or sometimes worse.

I rarely go out socially other than to the local supermarket and so strong feelings of loneliness are also normal for me.

Suicidal thoughts regularly enter my mind but I try hard not to act upon them, although I don't know if that may change if I don't find a way to change my life despite having a never-ending anxiety disorder.

I'm interested in knowing what you deal with from day to day if you also have an anxiety disorder.

Is it unrealistic to believe that having an anxiety disorder could be an unusual (blessing) in terms of you finding that it has actually enhanced your life, with opportunities that one may expect to be closed due to the disorder?

Indeed, have you found some people to be welcoming to you rather than overlooking you in favor of people with a balanced mind let's say?

My experience has often been negative in terms of getting rejected, seemingly based on my disorder and it has shaped my personality in terms of being introverted, quiet, and having difficulty with being confident and believing in myself.

I've had positive experiences too in terms of finding that some people have accepted me despite my inner issues and though they haven't always lasted, I found that acceptance and interest shown in me by other people did give my self-esteem a much-needed and welcome boost.

I don't know what my life would be like without an anxiety disorder, essential tremors, and depression.

What I'm sure about is that having those issues have made what should be relatively easy to deal with, challenging and difficult.

I hope that one day, I will find a way to live and do things that are conducive to peace of mind, better self-esteem, happiness, and contentment despite living from day to day into the latter part of my life with an anxiety disorder.

Your thoughts, experiences, and suggestions are welcome.

Thanks.

[012703060610]

I have suffered since a very young child with a lot anxiety. Never knew how to explain to a parent but it was mostly driven by them to be perfect. In EVERYTHING. When I went off to college, I knew I would barely ever return to my home as I once knew. I took turning 18 seriously. I watched two much older sisters go through various bouts of suicide attempts, depression, anxiety, and we have some mood disorders mixed in across the extended family. I don't know how I had the intuition to start therapy in college, but I did. No medication, just therapy. Graduated, went off to a decent job to support myself and was proposed to and accepted. I thought life would be perfect even though I had my dark secret of significant anxiety. I controlled my intense anxiety with all I knew from growing up....so I just added more and more to my plate. I took on four jobs in college and two degrees in four years. I was lucky enough to not need to do that....but it was all about staying busy to control my anxiety. There I was about to be married off but it never happened as he had cheated. From that point on, I had memories from very young ages started coming back that were really trauma and then I was stuck in a place where I thought I was going to be married off and happy. Then came the medication. I did another 20 years on medication and managed OK. I've added a major depression bout now and the two together are nothing more than a constant ying and yang. Now I'm here on this site, doing trauma counseling and journaling more. I'm trying to find positives in a day. Most days I find a positive in birds and just watching. But to your REAL question, can it be a good thing to have anxiety? Not to the point to what I was doing, I eventually collapsed and now have huge physical issues and am disabled. However, I have the knowledge and experience from so many angles that I can use to help others and educate people about the misconceptions. I have woven in mental health into all of my jobs and talked about with the employees that worked for me. With all I've really been through, I think I come out stronger on the empathy side and that is a true positive.

[sotired67 in reply to 012703060610]

Thanks so much for sharing some of your experiences of living with an anxiety problem.

I think that I can relate to some of your childhood experiences involving your parents and siblings.

I was the third child to be born to parents that were very strict, and whatever expectations they had for me, I don't think I lived up to them.

My anxiety disorder began to manifest itself very early and I don't think that my parents knew how to cope with it.

With the benefit of hindsight, I can say with a measure of confidence that I was never destined to be the ideal son, because the level of the disorder during my childhood, onwards, was so strong that it's a wonder that I didn't have a complete mental breakdown.

The irrational fear in my mind was relentless and so just doing a normal thing like going to school, brought on intense anxiety.

I think that was the point when avoiding situations that evoked more anxiety began, and I don't think I've overcome that yet.

At one point, I met a really nice woman and she accepted me despite my anxiety disorder

but it was still very difficult to find the courage to go out to meet her.

She was patient, supportive, empathic, gentle, very affectionate, kind, loyal, and unceasingly loving toward me.

One time in particular, after I told her about how my anxiety made me so afraid, she encouraged me to sit on a public bench in the train station and wait for her to arrive.

My natural instinct was to avoid doing that because of the anxiety and self-consciousness I always felt.

I nevertheless decided to try it.

I remember feeling really nervous when I arrived at the station but I went and sat on the bench.

Eventually, my dear girlfriend arrived with a warm approving smile and told me how proud she was and she knew I could do it.

In the car, I was overcome with emotion, because she had publically demonstrated her loyalty and love for me and I started to cry.

She cried too and assured me again of her love irrespective of my anxiety disorder.

That afternoon I felt like the luckiest man on earth, despite being unlucky to have had this disorder for so long.

I think that is what ''the power of love'' means or is able to do to a person that feels unvalued, unwanted, and unappreciated by family, friends, and even strangers.

This morning, I went to the local supermarket and saw a guy who was standing outside waiting for it to open.

His behavior indicated to me and another person that he may have a mental problem.

I noticed how other people reacted to him as he spoke openly about feeling that people were secretly filming him, even though that was unlikely to be the case.

I've found that people in general, tend to feel uneasy in the presence of people that either look, sound, or act in ways best described as eccentric.

Yet, despite his sounding deluded, I note that he was able to communicate normally.

I recall people during my childhood and teenage years, asking me things like: ''Why are you so quiet''?

I was also described by the same people as: ''The living dead'' because I was generally withdrawn and didn't talk much.

When I found out about that, I was so hurt and never really got over it.

Yet, if they had taken the time to get to look beyond the surface, they would have found the answer to my quiet nature, and my behavior, (which in their eyes was strange and eccentric,) but was actually a ''generalized anxiety disorder'' that stifled the inner me ( afraid and very insecure) and manifested a quiet, very shy but occasionally bold behavior.

I still feel unsure about who I am because the disorder has to a great extent stifled who I could've been and would still like to be.

I've found that despite my anxiety disorder, I've tried to be a caring, compassionate person when the opportunity presents itself.

I try not to push people aside that appear to be odd, etc, because I know from personal experience how that can be discouraging and may make a person withdraw all the more.

Whereas, reaching out, can sometimes, help them feel less unloved and unwanted, etc.

I'm glad that you have found that despite all that you've been through, it has brought out the compassionate, caring side of human nature and it's good that you now use those qualities for the benefit of others.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond to my post, it's much appreciated and helps me to draw strength and encouragement from people around the world who have mental health issues and physical disabilities.

Also reaching out reminds me that it can make a small but positive difference to the lives of each individual.

So thanks again, and I hope that we'll converse again even in a different context one day.

Take care,

Trevor.

[Thankfulforhelp22]

I do not feel that it is a blessing in any way. Sometimes I want to believe that good can come from my struggles, perhaps to help others or become stronger. Perhaps it’s wishful thinking.

I’m over 60. I think I’ve had anxiety and depression problems since my pre-teens. I have had some similar experiences to what you describe.

I do not have problems every day. Often there are triggers of various types. Fear, shame, guilt, anxiety and depression. Feeling inadequate or inferior to others is common. I have had down times that last a few days.

I’ve missed a lot and my life is smaller because of fear. I also am blessed some folks that love me and some material things. Things could be worse and I know it. That knowledge doesn’t help me very much.

I wish this illness wasn’t so relentless. I wish I could lean into fear and overcome more frequently. Sometimes I am hopeful. Sometimes I have a victor but not often enough. Also it is hard to explain to people other than my therapist. I feel shame and a loss of words even trying to attempt it.

Having said all of this. I still have a chance for a better life. It is up to me. It is very hard but not impossible.

I feel God sustains me but won’t cure me. I think he wants me to find a way to manage and be more courageous. I would say I am unfulfilled. I need to believe in myself and keep trying. I do have something to offer and more I can do. I’m getting pretty old. I do feel that God loves me.

Best wishes

[leftbehind]

I am a person with a lot of anxiety and I have found that my anxiety is based on my past family traumas 20 years ago that I thought I don't live at the time and I put away and now they are an underlying fear and my anxiety built because I've discovered that asking "why" something happened or that leads to the thinking "what if" this happens. Both those wise and what is lead down a rabbit hole of anxiety. I have concentrated on erasing the what if is only an imaginary Trail to horror, and asking why has no answer so that's another anxiety producing endless question. So after I have eliminated those in my mind become very aware of when I am asking those in my mind building anxiety looking for the answers say no those are both unreal and I have to think of something else new and that helps me move forward. Moving forward means going out into public places anywhere to get my mind off myself first step out the door take step number one whatever number one is get dressed that could be difficult could get lost in what to wear how do I look etc that sort of comes under what if. All in all becoming very aware of the anxiety you are creating in your mind because it's all imaginary get a hold of what it is you're thinking say it out loud to yourself say this is not real this is not true. Worry is imagination in the wrong direction you could imagine yourself going out for the day and meeting a wonderful friendly person in a park and having a nice conversation. You could imagine yourself going out the door and you're in the park and someone's walking a dog and it attacks you! Those are choices in your mind that you must become aware that you yourself are making these imaginary scenarios. Becoming aware and saying it out loud to myself saying it out loud so that you know what you're thinking and it stopped just turning in your mind the back of your mind where this constant thought process is going and you're not really being aware of it say it out loud and say this is not true. I hope this helps you. I also add a lot of prayer all day long I say Jesus loves me and he's with me now every minute of the day. I hope you can find some relief you have already expressed in your letter that you are imagining a lot of things that are not real and you are questioning them with the what ifs and the why's! Anxiety comes from inside of your mind not from the outside. If you have a real fear coming at you from the outside you will recognize it right away and remove yourself from the situation. Love to you. Anxiety is definitely exhausting.

[leftbehind]

Sorry for the lack of punctuation and some voice to text errors but I think you can't get the gist of what I'm saying. I hope my suggestions will help you.

[Mrspjsmom]

I often find my anxiety is both a hindrance and a blessing. It affects my quality of life but as I have gotten older it has also strengthened my intuition. When I listen to my intuition I have been able to avoid toxic people and situations. So I listen more often and try to do my best to manage the symptoms that are a hindrance. Balacing that isn't easy at times but I do the best I can.

[PuzzleArt]

It is very good that you can express so well what the problem is, and how it affected many things in your life so far. The question of : Is anxiety a blessing? is very provocative and gets to the point. It says something to me, and gets me thinking. I think that anxiety is so distressing to experience, that I would use the word "motivating", rather than a blessing. Even though in the long run, finding an answer to pain, and the searching for relief might motivate someone to use skills that they were unaware of having. There are places in our past where seeds were planted that end up sprouting weeds, and a lot of them could be traced back to our original family we were born in and even bad things that other people did. But we are stuck with it now at least for a while. The process of finding the parts that we can change can be difficult and painful. Anxiety seems so invisible and untouchable, how can we grab onto a solution. I believe we can, and there could be many solutions depending on each individual who is suffering. I believe we keep learning way past being a young student, past being a family member. As long as we live we learn more every day. And our progress is often not recognized by other people who are important to us. So Strength and honesty are two beneficial outcomes of having anxiety. They come from strong motivation to avoid anxiety or fear. . I believe I have made great progress in handling my anxiety and it has lessened, but others, who may be important to me, may not recognize it.

[Junella]

I relate to all these responses about anxiety. It's been there for as long as I remember around 3 years old. I had wonderful parents who loved me and a teenage sister who did as well. Another sister was married when I was born. She died when I was 8, and that triggered great anxiety that developed slowly after and by 12 I was certain I was mentally ill. Panic spells, feelings of depersonalization kept me scared and shy till 17 when it improved when I went to a boarding school. Then came an auto accident at 19 that set me up for a couple years. I wasn't even hurt.

I went through a roller coaster of feelings up and down with some health scares til I became frightened of medical visits. I had married at 25 which has lasted almost 60 years. That up and down too, but I love my husband dearly and he now protects and watches out for me. But at 85 I still have anxiety with good years and bad years or days. I have generally had a good life and maybe it's made me more compassionate of others but also kept me from doing more good things for others and self-centered around syptoms.

What helped most was going to a wellness center (Weimar Institute in Calif.) and losing weight, eating better, exercising, and developing a spiritual life. I try to follow those things now. For years I needed no help. But triggers happen as they did for me in 2021- through the beginning of 2023 when we were scammed by someone we knew, and then I got a vicious flu and periocarditis that lasted two months and has taken months to get beyond. My current work is to get off paxel and its side effects. How much that is causing some dizziness I don't know-my latest anxiety.

I would recommend the lady of 56 to get physically healthy with good food avoiding sugar, fat and salt. The body is whole and what affects one (the mind) affects the rest (physical) and vice versa. Most of all move--walking, pool aerobics, etc. And believe a God who loves you and read positive material.