Depression has come again

[sarahlovesspock]

Hi everyone. I just joined this forum due to wanting to connect to those who have dealt with similar things. I apologize in advance if my thoughts are kind of fragmented- I'm not thinking completely rationally at the moment.

I was first diagnosed with severe depression and moderate anxiety in 2018. During my first episode, I had just gone through a very tough situation. I couldn't get out of bed, I was crying all day, when I was able to sleep, my anxiety was so severe that I woke up in a panic every 10 minutes or so. I lost so much weight, because I felt like i couldn't physically swallow/chew food, and it had no taste. I am 5 feet 10 inches in height, and I got down to 118 lbs. Long story short, between God, my family, and medication, I was able to get better, which I'm so thankful for.

I'm feeling some symptoms coming back over the last few weeks, and I'm scared. I largely rely on prayer and Jesus's grace and unconditional love, and this helps calm me down in the moment, but the illness is still very present. I feel trapped in my negative thinking patterns, and I'm finding it hard to live every day life. I know that exercising/social outings/etc. can help, but I'm scared to do anything other than wallow in my despair. I'm just curious, has anyone else dealt with similar things? Thank you in advance for reading, I hope you know that you are loved, and you matter. ❤️

[012703060610]

You've come to the right place. I'm pretty sure all of us here have had those moments with both anxiety and depression. Some of us struggle daily, some of us have our moments, but this group is very familiar with the issues that surround managing our mental health. This is a very empathetic bunch. We are from all over the globe so you'll see and hear many perspectives. I am glad that religion has been grounding for you, many here find the same. I know I learn a lot in reading posts and often respond if I can offer any help. Just know you are not alone and share as much as you can if and/or when you feel you might want to. Right now, you need to know it is about self care. It is ok to not be able to leave at the moment. It's important to work on ourselves but not to push ourselves past a limit where we could get a set back. On my "all day bed days" I tell myself it is ok. My body and brain need to rest. Welcome!

[sarahlovesspock in reply to 012703060610]

Thank you very much for your response. ❤️ Today has been maybe a little better but not by very much. Still, any step forward is a victory in my book. I just wish nobody had to deal with these diseases. They make me feel so alone even though I have people who love me, and I love them. I've gotten through it before, so I'm confident that I can get through it again, but it's hard to stay positive in the moment.

[012703060610 in reply to sarahlovesspock]

Small steps really count! I sort of took a day off and had a quiet house.....I finally slept like I was a kid again. No it wasn't 12 hours, but I take any 4-6 hours clip as a win. Loneliness is a massive issue globally. I read somewhere that 40% of adults are lonely across the globe. I'm sure there is more data to back it up and some issues with the data itself. Nonetheless, loneliness is a huge problem which leads to isolation and us all feeling like we don't belong. You will get through it. I know finding a psychiatrist can be brutal. Mine retired after he treated me 20+ years and I interviewed several before selecting. Unfortunately this new one is going to retire within 2 years. UGH! However, they take some of the burden off of a GP or PCP here in the US. I try to keep my PCP happy as I need a lot of referrals and have needed some one off help in crisis where he felt comfortable stepping in. I honestly make a huge effort to update all of my Drs and therapists in the data portals and messaging. I just have over 20+ people dealing with my various diseases and making sure they are aligned and know all my meds is a huge deal. I had one doctor not read my full med list and was prescribed something duplicative really. Minor differences...they just didn't read my med list! Ugh sorry, off on a ramble today! It's not even midnight where I am and I am already up for the day! I am super happy though you feel strong enough to overcome some of the issues. Mind over matter......makes total sense!

[Allthingspink]

Sarahlovesspock, are you still on your medication?? Are you under the care of a psychiatrist?? Sounds to me like you need a medication adjustment. Though I do not suffer with Depression, I have experienced it and totally understand the misery it causes. I have General Anxiety Disorder and have been through many of the symptoms you describe. Though social events and exercise help, I firmly believe this is a “chemical thing” in the brain.

I too rely on my faith in Jesus and His promises to get through but I am struggling right now as well. I posted about my inner-ear anxiety issue very recently. My doctor and I are working thru it but it’s very difficult. I’m thankful to have this forum where people understand these issues.

Remember, God will never leave you or forsake you. Continue to cling to His promises as you persevere thru this season…..spoken from one who is doing the same.

All the best.

[sarahlovesspock in reply to Allthingspink]

Thank you so much for your reply. ❤️ It's possible that it could be a medication thing. I may need to visit my doctor. I don't have a psychiatrist at the moment, but I'm considering finding one just so I have someone to talk to. I hope you're able to get through these tough times as well!

[Caribbeanlover23]

Hi, I’ve been battling depression my whole life without any treatment. My parents are pastors, and while they do believe in mental illness I don’t think they ever wanted to believe that their daughter could be severely depressed.

I have never experienced true satisfaction or happiness, the closest I’ve been to feeling true happiness is when I’m smoking weed, drinking alcohol or using drugs.

Lately I’ve also been suffering with insomnia and low blood pressure which has just made everything harder. I’m always sad and I feel so alone, the only friend I have and my family lives abroad. I just feel like I’m of no use to the world and that if I go today I won’t be missed. I feel like such a burden and I don’t want to make anyone’s life harder you know.

My heart goes out to you and anyone else who feels like this💔🤗