Depression ... again

[repeatOffender]

Hello folks.

I had a very serious episode of depression from 2018 until late 2020. I finally emerged and was feeling good, like my old self for about 6 months. In the past 3 weeks I have sunk back down. It started with anxiety but quickly led straight to depression.

It is extremely discouraging to be back down in the pit again so soon. And I frankly don't know what pulled me out at the end of last year. I know these things tend to come back but I was just starting to have a life again.

I also don't know what put me back in. Possibly something to do with hot summer weather. Maybe some stress related to traveling. I don't know.

It's so discouraging, I feel that I don't have the strength for a long battle with depression again. I already lost 3 years of my life to it.

I know many of you have similar stories. Some of you are in the darkness now.

Any words of encouragement or advice would be helpful.

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I've been there, too -- life is going well and then, inexplicably, something will pull you back down, without warning and without reason.

For me, personally, I've found that music has been helpful. I keep a playlist of songs that encourage and inspire me when I'm in the hole. My current favorites include "Faith Over Fear" by Rachel K. Collier, "Clarity" by Model Man, "This Head I Hold" by Electric Guest, and "You're Only Human (Second Wind)" by Billy Joel. That last one literally saved my life years ago when I was at my absolutely lowest.

I hope these songs, or others you find, will be helpful for you, too. 🤗

[samack]

First of all I love your name. It's clever.. regarding return of the darkness, Sometimes its the meds that are the culprit. It pays to check that out. Your slide back does not necessarily mean a long episode. Try and get any support you can from this group or otherwise.

[IndianaGuy]

I had a yearlong depression in 2013. Was healthy for six months and got depressed again. Was healthy for 7 years and am fighting depression and anxiety again.

That first relapse only lasted a couple months. Hang in there. Just because your first one was long doesn’t mean this one will be.

[repeatOffender in reply to IndianaGuy]

Thanks I’m so scared

I feel like I missed 3 years of my kids lives

Then got a 6 month reprieve

Now it’s horrible again

I’m having a very hard time functioning

Even getting out of bed

I keep telling myself to snap out of it but of course that does not work

I made choices in my last episode that made life worse for us all and I cannot stop beating myself up for that

Which only makes things worse

I feel like I am not going to make it

That I am too weak

[IndianaGuy in reply to repeatOffender]

I too felt extreme guilt towards my family for certain decisions I had made. I can tell you that I have gotten better in the past by going through the motions of family life (behavioral activation). I feel miserable. You feel guilty. But eventually it becomes natural. The pain becomes manageable. It drops back into the background.

That was my experience with the first two depressions. I am still very much fighting this one and I struggle to follow my own advice.

Just keep going through the motions.

You may feel like you have lost 3 years and that is awful. I regret that I've lost about 1.5 years altogether. But I tell myself that I plan on living at least 80 years and this pain will seem like a small part of my life when all is said and done.

[repeatOffender in reply to IndianaGuy]

Thanks Seems like you are managing

I am not. I feel like I have no control

And it is getting worse

Work is slow and I have no diversions outside of work

We moved a few years ago and I have never adjusted or accepted being here

I dream of moving back

And thoughts of my former life haunt me

I also complain too much

Thanks again

[IndianaGuy in reply to repeatOffender]

I hear ya about the downtime at work. Same here. I'm a writer, which is naturally a fairly solitary pursuit. Lonely. Hang in there. I was a wreck too about 6 weeks ago. Absolute wreck. I have OCD too, so I know what you mean about the anxiety. Do your best to be engaged with regular life. And on the days you can't, try to forgive yourself. (I realize this is easier said than done. I have yet to forgive myself.)

[repeatOffender in reply to IndianaGuy]

I think if I can accept my current situation without constantly thinking how much better it would be if only …Then I would be better

It’s been 3 years since we moved and hardly a day goes by when I don’t dream of moving back

But my wife and kids have adjusted

So it’s only me with the negative attitude

It really is a lot worse for me

In so many ways

But what can I do

I’ve tried to move on and let go but

Something inside will not

So I go on living mostly in my head somewhere else

The pain of accepting has to better than the misery of living this crazy life in my head

Nothing is good or bad but the mind makes it so

Very true for me

[Jive4]

Hi mate. Sorry to here that you are battling with depression again. I had the same situation where I overcame depression then started feeling low again. I know that feeling of self blame and feeling weak. What I can say is try to remember how you got out of it before. Or reach out to family who understand and are supportive about what you are going through. I have come to realise with me that this might be something I deal with for the rest of my life so trying to find techniques to cope better. I hope this helps. Remember you are an amazing human being.

[AdamFCastillo31]

Hi, well that's sad to hear. I can truly understand your feelings about what are you going through. You know I had depression a few years back, that time was the worse time of my life, i took time for myself to understand it fully and then after a long period I eventually started looking for a treatment method and then I found medvidi, I took my counseling session from here ezcareclinic.com/depression... hope this might help you too to get rid of depression.