New here

[JustMeAtHome]

Hi everyone. I am new to this site but am already grateful to have found it. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for a while now. I have PTSD from childhood trauma and more recently experienced a debilitating health issue that went on for months and ended up costing me an eye (long story).

I was in therapy for all of this when my parents became sick and I lost them both in the space of 4 months. It has taken me over a year to start to feel like my old self (meds and therapy), but every once in a while, I experience something that makes me spiral.

I have worked my entire life (since I was 14) and now find myself without paid work. It is hard to feel like I have a place in this world now and feel very guilty and sometimes worthless for not being able to work. I do volunteer, however, and that has saved me! The other day at my volunteer job I made a mistake that made me just hit rock bottom all over again.

I can't stop feeling that I'm pretty much worthless now and no good to anyone. I felt like the one thing that gave me a sense of purpose was now not even something I could do...at least not well. I know many of you are dealing with some really heavy issues and my little pile of troubles may seem slight by comparison, but it's painful to me and I am struggling to pull myself out of this black and terrible funk.

[silentdreamer20]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't feel like one person's struggle is worse than another's, because we all feel differently. Everyone's feelings are valid, and that's important to remember. Your feelings matter. One thing to remember is that no matter what you are going through, you are not worthless. I know we all hit rock bottom and we all feel like there's no point in us being here- at least I have been there more than a few times... But we have value. Sometimes we have to find a way to pull ourselves up. You enjoy volunteering. Whatever it is that happened that you said you messed up at your volunteer place, try to work through that and continue with what you enjoy doing. Because finding something that makes you feel like you have purpose is so important in this world. Sometimes that's what we need to thrive. Sometimes it's the smallest things that helps pulls us up out of the darkest places. I am truly sorry that you have been through so much in your life. I feel for you. Please, hold on to what you enjoy doing. You have a purpose and you are worth it. Always remember that. ❤️

[JustMeAtHome in reply to silentdreamer20]

Thank you so much, Silentdreamer. Your words make me feel like there is hope.

[silentdreamer20 in reply to JustMeAtHome]

Never give up!

[Hidden]

I'm sorry you're struggling and I understand, and know, you're not alone. I've been unable to work for around 15 years due to mental illness and, have struggled to find purpose or meaning.

I think something that helps is to keep trying. You said you volunteered but, something happened, can you work through it? Maybe try something new?

You're problems btw are very valid and you can get through this. I'm sending light and hugs to you. ✨️🫂✨️🫂✨️🫂

[JustMeAtHome in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much! Just hearing these kind words helps so much!

[Stippler]

Welcome to the group! I am sorry to hear of your losses. It sounds like you have put in your share of contributing to society, and want to continue doing so. It is good that you volunteer, but I hope you can also recognize your worthiness - regardless of what you do. Sending healing energy. 🙏🙏🙏

[JustMeAtHome in reply to Stippler]

❤️❤️❤️

[Possum7]

I too tend to be harder on myself than necessary when I mess up, I've had to learn that the cycle of beating myself up and bullying myself are not helpful to the healing process and actually makes it take longer because I have to pick myself up from a bigger hole than if I was able to forgive myself sooner. I've also realized that the hyper critical voice in my head isn't really my own but the voice of my older siblings that were harsh on me for the slightest infractions growing up. That helped me realize that I need to make my own internal voice stronger and kinder to myself so that I can try to move on more quickly. Hope this is helpful.