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[katiemarie11]

I am a 24 year old preschool teacher that doesn't seem to fit the stereotypical woman with depression and anxiety but I have dealt with them since I was around 18 years old. I graduated with my associate's degree in Early Childhood Education in Dec. of 2015 and I am pursing my bachelor's online currently full time while also working full time. I say that I am not a stereotypical individual with depression and anxiety because I am generally a pretty happy and outgoing person even when I am dealing with stuff internally. Most people have no idea what I think about on a daily basis and I tend to deal with everything on my own. My father was an alcoholic up until about 4 years ago and emotionally abused me along with my younger sister and my peers throughout school. I lost my best friend when I was 16 and he was 18 to Leukemia and I was the consoler for everyone and I never really got the chance to grieve and still truly haven't. I set extremely high expectations for myself and when I don't meet them, I get really upset. I am quick to worry and seem to always be anxious. I carry fidgets with me to help calm me.

I am currently not taking an anti-depressant because any of the ones I have tried make me feel like I am not really in my body but outside my body and I don't like that feeling. I have been doing really well, however, the past few weeks I have noticed myself backsliding. I don't feel like I have a very good support system where I live anymore and my parents are going through some marital issues and might be separating. I blame myself for many of the things that happen around me and try to fix everything. I live with my boyfriend of 4 years and while he tries hard to understand where I am coming from, he's never dealt with depression or anxiety personally and he doesn't truly get how I can be fine one moment and than the next something triggers and I am sad. Hoping that I can find some support here so that I can get out of this rut.

[KatlynB]

I am in a pretty similar boat. My husband tries to do his best to help me, but he doesn't understand. I'm taking medication, but like you said, I don't feel like myself when I take it. It's also not working as good as it used to. I lost my grandfather to cancer last year, and he was my best friend, and my everything. I am the kind of person that puts everyone else's feelings infront of mine, and I haven't had the chance to grieve either. I have gotten really good at looking like I'm okay on the outside, but on the inside I am overflowing with anxiety and depression.

It can be very overwhelming do deal with anxiety and depression when you feel like no one understands. I am here for you and I will be your support whenever you need me you are very strong for doing as well as you have, and for accomplishing all that you have. Keep striving, you're doing great!

[Hidden]

Hi I wonder what you think a stereotyped depressed woman is like? A common misconception about depression is that everyone has a very severe form of it and never smiles or laughs. Ok there are some like that afraid of going out and hardly moving out of bed, but most of us are like you. Sometimes depression will lift a bit and we can smile and laugh and feel fleeting happiness. That is a less severe form of the illness and is more common.

I get that you don't want any meds and that is your choice, but how about counselling? Like you said you haven't dealt with some issues and this would help with that. Until you take action then they will continue to trigger you as they don't go away over time. It might even get worse.

We humans are funny creatures, things we find very difficult to deal with tend to remain locked up in our psyche as we go into survival mode. That's fine and natural but at some stage you have to deal with these issues. I think of them as poisonous boxes in my head which I assume are sealed tight - until they start leaking their contents into everyday life and interfering in the present and future.

Going through therapy isn't an easy option as it can bring up some very painful memories but it does get easier given enough time. Don't expect to be as right as rain within a few weeks as it took a long time for your problems to develop and it will take some time for you to sort them out.

[katiemarie11 in reply to Hidden]

I've been told by other's that I am not stereotypical depressive due to the nature of leadership and how involved I am and the way that I handle triggering situations. I have attend therapy before while I was on campus, however, my insurance company only covers a limited amount of sessions a year (5) and than the price that I have to pay per session after that is around $100. Unfortunately, I just don't have that kind of money right now. As I said, I am a full time preschool teacher and going to school online to pursue my bachelors and I am struggling to make ends meet. I am looking for a therapist that doesn't cost quite as much or a place where my insurance company would maybe cover more sessions or something but that hasn't been the finding's thus far.

I am very aware of my situation and my depression and I do my best to handle it every day. I know that it oozes over and I am very honest with my employer and everyone around me. Each person in my life knows that I deal with depression and anxiety because I am not afraid to share my story. I am just trying to find something to help because I just don't have the money to be paying for therapy sessions that aren't covered by my insurance company.

[Hidden in reply to katiemarie11]

Ok I get that. There are others on here who have and still do sometimes very successful careers even with depression.

The only thing I can think of if you can't have any more counselling is to try the self help route. Look at mindfulness, meditation, yoga etc. and you will find information online about that and others. I wish you well.

[gogogirl]

I am here.