My boss makes my anxiety worse

[UkyoCoanccy]

Let me apologize in advance because I struggle a bit with the English language. But I hope you can understand what I want to share.

I have been dealing for months with a toxic boss in my job. But my first strategy is just doing my job and never try to be her friend or asking favors. She really likes to control everything and everyone and when something bad happens she try to put the responsibility of that situation to her employees. She also gives a lot of rules that sometimes have no sense but we trust on her when she says that it is for our own well being in the job or for a better laboral environment.

But if something bad happens as consequence of that rules, she used to said that is our mistake and she denies a lot her own words. She likes to say that she never said that or that we misunderstood the orders even though she is checking our job without any complaint.

I started to write everything that happened with her and her orders. Specially when she yelled at me because I did not do something that was out of our guidelines of work. Also she tried to make me feel bad when she told me that I am nobody and that the employee under my supervision is more than me because she worked directly with one of the managers cleaning their houses.

Well, let me tell you that I am head housekeeper supervisor in a Hotel.

I document everything. I noticed that she is more over me since that situación were she yelled at me because I did not do what she wanted and I defend myself by telling her that I won't going to do anything unethical or bad that affects our job, even if she orders it .

Also there is a person under my charge that is very problematic and luckily I never failed to report my boss about that coworker, but I noticed that my boss tries to make me feel that I am doing wrong because that coworker complains about me even though I have proof of my work and about that co-worker's bad attitude and poor laboral performance. When she complained about me, my boss take her statements more than seriously without proof but when I complained about that coworker with my boss, she did not take it seriously.

Well, this is a small peace of my problems in my job.

I have been in a extreme anxiety and more depression even though I am taking my pills. I know that many of you will think that is preferred that I quit. Unfortunately, I can't afford to quit right now.

Meanwhile I had been thinking what to do to protect my job. The problematic coworker (Josefina) started to harass another employee. That employee (Jason) did not understood if it was a joke or what. Later, that other employee made a complaint about Josefina because she said a lot of things that scared him. That girl told him that she hated me because she can't stand that I am her superior in the Job and she hated when I gave her orders. The bad part of this complaint is that she told him that she wanted to follow me home to know my address and hit me. Also she said that she feels desire of killing me. .

The employee talked about it with my parner who is also a supervisor(Lola) under my charge. That supervisor talked to our manager and the manager talked with the guy who was scared (Jason). My manager talked to other coworker who were present in that moment when Josefina threatened to kill me. I did not know anything about this situation untill 4 days later when my partner told me the situation. She documented everything too, for our own records but the manager haven't told me anything about the situation in order to take necessary steps for my protection.

Probably you will think that the problematic person was not serious but she has some background record with us and also she liked to talk about how she stabbed her boyfriend because she was jealous, and also she hit with her car another boyfriend because she was mad at him.

So in my opinion I think this situation must be taken more serious and at least my boss must had tried to tell me something for my own safety.

The steps my manager is following right now is investigating the harassment that the other employee suffered by Josefina. She is interviewing the other coworkers , meanwhile Josefina is not allowed to work the whole week until the end of the investigation.

Meanwhile I am just wondering when is my boss going to talk to me about the threat that Josefina gave about me, and what king of steps she is going to take.

I acted as if I did not know anything. I was hoping my boss talked to me. But nothing.

I don't know if she is investigating more. Two employees corroborated that Josefina said she wanted to hit me and kill me.

I am pretty sure that my boss must talk to me for my safety but what if I am wrong and I have to wait for her investigation. Well, in case that she is really investigating it too , besides the harassment.

Probably some of you noticed that I am confused. Sometimes I can't be sure what is right and what is not. All this situations, the responsibility of my job as supervisor, the problematic with my toxic boss and my own personal problems are making me feel that I am lost.

I know that it would be better to quit but, I can't right now. I just want to defend myself and keep my job. Even though my doctor added another medicine to complement my original pills due my stress, anxiety and depression, sometimes they seemed no to work.

But I am pretty sure they are working because when I don't take the pills I suffer of panic stacks.

I just want to share this situation because I feel overwhelmed and I don't know what to do. I know this is something that I have to deal with but sometimes all this problems became in a huge burden over my back that I can't hold anymore. I just wanted to take it out of my head by sharing it.

I hope that you guys can understand what I wanted to express.

[012703060610]

hey there-first off, your writing is just fine. I wouldn't know you had any issues with English! I can certainly relate to what you are saying 100%. I recently left the workforce due to my own illness and left unfortunately while I had a very similar response with my boss. The manipulation gets out of hand. I did stick up for myself. I went to Human Resources. I managed about 70 people so me speaking up was on behalf of them all. We were cast aways, but yet we all worked and brought in a ton of revenue for the firm. This woman broke me. I have dealt with harsh issues in the past too and have confronted them, but some people are just too wrapped up in saving themselves and don't want to be a team player. Documentation is key. While it is left unspoken, they have left me on their disability policy for at least a few years....but believe they were worried that I would take legal action. At the time, I had dropped 40 pounds in 6 months and worked 14 hour days. It was COVID time and it was endless hours on screen. Eventually I woke up on my bathroom floor and then was rushed to the hospital. The work situation impacted me that badly and I had COVID which brought out autoimmune conditions. Anyway, my boss and her boss were back fully by HR and in the end it turns out all of us that worked for her went to HR and nothing was ever done. Well all but her pet favorite person....the good looking guy. OYE!

My one piece of advice.....and I say this to everyone that is working....never stop interviewing. Apply for jobs as you find them. I used Indeed, Monster, LinkedIn, and there are so many sites that have jobs up all of the time. This could help you just in case things turn totally sour. It also means you may find something with equal or greater pay and you can move on past the daily garbage they are giving you.

You are a kind soul for helping others too. Give yourself some credit because it does sound like you have truly exhausted all of your options. As far as medications, I think many of us battle what to take, why we take it and if it is the right option. I just have to increase my antidepressant and will take some time to see if things improve. One thing I have learned over time is that I'm not ashamed that I have taken medication. If I find something that works, I am all about trying what may work.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. It is highly pervasive all through the US and in all industries. Places are all talking about diversity, equal pay, etc.....but when it comes time to put those words into action....they seem to just check a box off. I am wishing you the best. Feel free to PM me if you want to share anything further or ask questions about jobs etc. You don't deserve to be treated the way you are. And it certainly can't be a fun experience to wake up knowing you have to deal with the crazy boss. In the end, I literally think my boss needed to be on some type of medication. Her behaviors were so manipulative!

Sending a virtual hug!

[012703060610]

PS-we think that our bosses will be forthright in what they need to tell us. If safety things are not shared with you, that's a big problem. However, a narcissistic boss like you have may decide not to say anything because they literally don't care. It is clearly all about them.