5 years ago I wanted to kill myself, but a conversation with a friend changed my mind. He didn't even know he stopped me. We were just texting and I can't even remember what he said but it made me rethink my decision and go get therapy instead.
Here I am 5 years later. Wondering if changing my mind was the right choice
Hi MrNobody
I think you made the right decision to not take your life. Things can always get better. Things are in constant change and After every difficulty comes ease.
But even so, on some days like today, I also think of suicide and how it can maybe be a way out of the pain. Then I recall what my brother did to our family when he took his life. I cried every night for years.
Please don’t consider it any further. You were created for good reason. There is no one else like you. Life is short. You’ll get to the end of your journey in time but I don’t think it’s time yet.
If you need to talk, I’m here to listen… you can pm me if you want.
❤️ ⭐️
I'm deeply sorry to hear about your brother. I don't want to cause anyone any pain so that's been stopping me from doing it. But it's so hard some days. I just don't want to exist
I know. I too get that way. How long have you been feeling that way?
I've had depression over a decade now. And on and off I've had thoughts of suicide. But it's been on my mind for a few weeks now
Do you have a team of therapist and psychiatrist or one of those to work with? Sorry I can’t recall if you said you do or not. Keep writing here. We’re here for you.
I have a therapist I started seeing last week
Many times I have felt and said that I don't want to be here. Life can be very hard, but I know that God has kept me alive through a battle with cancer for a reason. Something else I think about is that many suicide attempts are unsuccessful. My luck, I'd botch it and be worse off, and that's more frightening than facing another day. There are good things to enjoy in this world, many of them little things. We have to try and find those simple things that bring some joy into our lives. I find that getting outdoors, helping others, and learning something new make life better. I pray you feel better soon 🙏
after reading your post and all the comments I realized we share the same illness and with that the same feeling of hopelessness. We are all here to support each other when we feel that low we want to end the pain. Please come here and we will help you. Suicide will stop our pain but move it to those who love us. That thought is what keeps me alive. I would never want to inflict this pain onto my children.
Theres no future in death,you should talk w crisis line locally,they can help she'd some well needed light for you,alotnof us on here struggle daily w suicidal thinking and I'm one too..I'm caregiving my elderly mom now then my brother took his own life,it's very hard to think positively but I'm trying hard...try to get into reading books,tv is bad news for any good news,I hope you can rethink and see differently..
The thought of no future is pleasing sometimes. No future, means no opportunity for mor hurt
I'm going through that type of moment now or just trying to pull out of it,I have bipolar depression and been in a nasty high mode,it's tough then it backs off till next episode...do you read or play music? These things help me when I can partake..
So glad you are still here - help me understand why you are questioning your decision to get therapy and remain alive - I am puzzled by what appears to be doubt about a healthy decision. I sometimes struggle in the same way and hope that by sharing your insight, I might understand myself.
I am amazed at how many people put into words how I have often felt about suicide. It’s a comfort to have those around who understand.
I believe with mental illness there will be ups and downs. Prepare for those downs and have skills or things you need to do to get through them (healthy habits, I’m not talking about drinking the pain away).
Someone said it beautifully earlier, when you kill yourself, you shift your pain to others. It’s not a guilt trip. It’s true.
I heard some where that every single person you know has a different version of you they think of depending on the interactions. What if YOU have been the reason someone didn’t kill themselves because you smiled at a stranger or held a door open? You would never know but that person will never forget you.
You matter. Your life matters. PM me if you need to.
that’s absolutely true. Sometimes just a smile or hello can mean the difference between life or dying for someone. We know how depression works so we need to know how to handle the bad days. I don’t have anyone to talk to about it so being here is my lifeline. Let it be yours too
I consider suicide on and off, like it's a last-resort of “there’s always this out if things get too much.” I've also had loads of ups and downs like everyone else, but everytime I hit I high, I'm always wondering how long it will last; and whenever I hit a low, I think about how much worse it could get. Depression sucks!!
But I also think, if I were to do myself in, how would that hurt the people I care about. That always helps me shake it, but I still feel like crap.
Reading other people’s experiences really helps as a reminder that you are not alone. Reading this thread has helped me, and I hope it's helping you too!
Mr_Nobody, of course you made the right decision to keep your life. It is very tempting to have the out of suicide... especially when you feel that it is an out for weeks on end.
Turn to help, here, your therapy, crisis lines, there are so many people that have been affectede by suicide that are working to help those of us who consider it.
I too have struggled with depression for over a decade... been off and on with therapy, antidepressants, self help resources, the suicide hotline, and now ketamine therapy.
When I was really really bad last year I finally went to a treatment center, it was the right decision for me. Life does get so exhausting, and it is so exhausting having the same problem and emotions over and over for me... GAH! Ending it does seem attractive then, but just continuing to live another day is a victory.
Have compassion for yourself, we are all doing the best with the tools we have. We can all get new tools. See if there is something new to try if you feel really stuck. Cold baths?
You are you, and nobody else can be. Please stick around in life with us.
Sending much love and determination❤️
I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling. Life can be extremely difficult. I just found out that there's a name for what I've been feeling: 'Passive Suicidal Thoughts.'
I do NOT want to kill myself. That's something I do not think I could ever do. However, I've come to a point in my life where I feel like I'm done.
I've had two great careers and raised two amazing daughters, but now I don't have much to look forward to. I'm currently unemployed, so our finances are a train wreck. I'd love to retire, but with all of our debt, I doubt that could ever happen.
Plus I'm having several health issues.
So, while I would never consider suicide, I do not want to live. I just found out this is passive suicidal thoughts. I questioned my counselor, saying that I thought anything involving the word 'suicide' was incorrect for me. She let me know that what I'm feeling is the definition of passive suicidal thoughts.
I am changing my doctor, as my previous doctor was extremely conservative regarding my meds, and I just started seeing this new counselor a few weeks ago. She seems great.
I do not see anything changing, but I realize that these irrational thoughts are the depression talking.
I do not think suicide is any kind of answer. I'm hoping you have people to talk to, and a good counselor to work with.
I'm hoping that you and I can get back to a place of peace, and possibly even joy. I know our friends and family would be thrilled with that.
Best of luck to you. I'm sending you helpful and healing thoughts, as well as my sympathy and my love.
I have felt the same way on and off. The fact that you changed your mind five years ago proves the fact that things do get better. Life is a series of ups and downs. Sometimes things feel overwhelming and suicide seems like the only option to get rid of the pain. However, we need to remember that there is no going back. It doesn't matter who we are, we are all intertwined with others. Suicide would affect the other people for the rest of their lives. When I start to feel that way I remind myself of this, and eventually things get better. I am going to be a grandmother in August, and this has changed my outlook on life. I pray things get better for you and that your therapist can help you.
Hi, you made the right choice. I know how you feel,been there. Talk to friends and loved ones again. On going help is critical. Your existing is important more than you know. Try to stay strong and seek some good help with therapist or a friend. PM me if you want. God bless.
I am so glad you didn't go through with it at such a tender young age. I hope you get the help you need. I really do understand how you feel and I wish I could go for good as well but I have had decades of stress since my husband died 38 years ago, nightmare nursing homes with my mother, a daughter who has no feelings for me so I don't see my 7 year old grandson and worst of all I am vax injured (confirmed in writing by the hospital) so I am in relentless pain day after day with peripheral neuropathy. I have made a new Will and a pre planned cremation. The only thing that keeps me going is two cats who are dependant on me otherwise I would surely go as there is nothing left for me. The worst part is having nothing to look forward to. Can you try and set yourself some goals. I really hope you stop feeling desperate x
There is an old saying in psychiatry that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Think back to what your friend told you five years ago and go from there. Also, if you are really seriously considering suicide, you need to call the suicide prevention hotline. The number for the suicide prevention hotline in the United States is 988.
I’m sure your family has a strong opinion about this.
I want to live for my son's sake but death scares me. Please keep reaching out - more posts and see people care. You are going to do better, believe that and your life means something special
Of course you made the right decision I think we all feel that way from time to time even losing our sense of direction without the right type of guidence feeling as though we are just surviving day to day week to week or just existing feeling unwanted/unneeded/unlovable the world would be a better/happier place if we ceased to exist any longer trying to find some hope I know I definitely do as well we know our nature but we drift away from that to a pit of isolation, loneliness, and despair not very many people can relate and all it takes is for people to say we don't care if your alive or not to really make us wonder if existing is the right choice.Times like these I do contemplate I really do but then I will see a genuine smile or search for an act of kindness or find something constructive to do to make someone's day a little better and that gives me the power back to say you know what WE ARE WORTH STAYING ALIVE WE ARE WORTH FIGHTING THE DARKNESS WE ARE WORTH SELF LOVE ,WE ARE WORTH STAYING ON THIS EARTH, WE HAVE THE POWER TO RISE ABOVE AND ABOVE ALL OUR TIME IS WORTH IT,
So please HOLD ON WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT YOUR WORTH IT.
write or think about down 10 things that are the positives within you, and then write or think about 10 big positive things/deeds you have done for yourself and others. Look and feel it tell yourself you are strong,capable,lovable, and worth more than just existing.
Xoxoxoxo💐💐💐 i hope this helps
I think you made the right decision. Think of all the people you've met since five years ago, what you have achieved, what you have enjoyed even if it's only one thing. Things can always change and believe me, it may happen after reading all these comments. You actually made the right decision to live.
Good morning,
Yes, I believe that you made the right choice! Just as you said that your friend changed your mind without him even knowing it... You may have made an impact on someone else's life who might have been or might be contemplating suicide themselves, and changed their minds because you thought the change is important!
You have an important life story to tell us and - others who are in the same boat as you! You can tell us your testimony, your testimony will save someone's life one day!
Do you know that Jesus Christ loves you so much, that He willing sacrificed Himself for you and me and all of the world? He has a purpose for your life! There is an old saying; " Those bitter days we have adds flavor to our Sweet Days!"
Do you have a Bible? Get one if you don't and read the book of John in the New Testament. Then reread it a second time and think about what it has to say.
Here is a prayer that you can follow if you truly desire to have Jesus in your heart and to find real love and peace:
" Dear heavenly Father,
Thank you for being LORD and Savior!
Jesus, forgive me of all my sins, I want to your child, I cannot live my life alone anymore. Come live in my heart. I believe that You are God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.
I desire to have the love joy and peace of You in me!
In Jesus Name, Amen
I'm Tired
Tired of living in my mind 
I'm tired of smiling 
